Category: #Leadership

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Have you done enough?

When was the last time you considered whether you were truly pushing yourself and striving to get to the next level? The next level in any capacity in terms of working harder towards reaching or achieving something you may not have thought you could? Or, perhaps doing something well beyond what you have ever done to help another person?

Recently a dear friend of mine was extremely medically unwell. To the point both of us were concerned for her long-term well-being. However, we also both felt that despite doing everything we could to support one another, nothing seemed to be helping. This scenario also included medical support, but even this didn’t seem to be enough. Watching my friend spiral downwards was incredibly difficult to experience, especially because I felt so helpless in terms of feeling that I could help to make any type of positive impact.

For me personally, the experience of feeling helpless is one of the most frustrating emotions. Particularly since I feel I am the type of person who is hardwired to always do whatever I can to support and help other individuals. Yes, even ones who seemingly resist for no valid reason for doing so. These types of people are difficult for me to fully appreciate why they won’t accept help, but I do understand at a core level why they are resistant. Although this doesn’t make it any easier for me to contend with. One of the contributing factors is stubbornness, or what some others might refer to as being too proud to accept support in any scenario.

The reference to my medically unwell friend does have a silver lining, yet it has taken close to half a year to get to this point. However, with extreme persistence and support from myself and multiple other people, my friend is now back to a place where her health isn’t compromised. Even better is that she told me that she feels fifteen years younger now based on the care and support she has received. Yes, small miracles do happen, and her situation is a genuine example.

As my friend was going through her medical turmoil, I kept asking both myself and her what else I could be doing? I was sure there was something else I could do or research with the goal of being able to offer making her feel better, but it never seemed to be enough. Now that I have perspective of what I was able to do during the “perfect storm” of my friend’s medical challenges, I unexpectantly received feedback from her directly several days ago. What she told me was that what I was helping her out with while she was critically unwell, did provide her with the support she needed at the time I was involved with her care. I’m honored to now know this, although I didn’t ever expect to know or hear this confirmation. However, hearing it did make me feel that I was able to do enough to support my friend when she really needed help.

In terms of applying my question to you about whether you have done either enough for yourself or others can certainly pertain to both your personal life, as well as your professional life. For those of you who are leaders or sports coaches, you are highly aware and accomplished as well as skilled at helping others. Your ability to do so is one of the reasons you have risen to the level you have risen to, and I want to personally thank you for all you do to support others. I also simultaneously want to have you consider whether you are investing enough support in your own self or professional development, as it is common for people in your role to always put others well-being ahead of yours. I’m certain you realize this, but acting on this is an entirely different situation, and I would like you to factor in making sure you turn the proverbial “helping others mirror” around to yourself from time to time.

Since many leaders and sports coaches especially struggle with helping themselves to do enough to continue their own journey of being the best at what they do, and in support of others, below are some tips for you to consider applying to yourself. In the next week or two, with zero excuses about why you can’t do this, please attempt 1-2 of the suggestions below. I know you can do this, and I’m fully confident you will be better off for doing so.

  • Please step off the “guilt train” of thinking you don’t have time to invest in taking yourself to the next level of whatever it is you want to accomplish.
  • Think about what if you don’t invest in yourself and the potentially negative impact this will have on those who depend on you and lead when you have maxed out on your ability to help them.
  • If helping and leading others is something you do naturally, think about how much additional energy and joy you will gain from being able to stretch and take your leadership abilities to the next level.
  • Start with the end goal of your quest to be able to do more for others, and yourself. What does this look like? Who else should or can be involved, and what is your timeframe for putting this into place and seeing the results of your self-investments of leveling up?
  • Although you may not think you can do more, I guarantee you can. This is supported in lots of clinical research which is focused on what our bodies and minds can accomplish when we think we have reached our maximum level of output. The net net of this is that as humans we typically still have approximately 20% more capacity and energy than we think we do.
  • Ted Lasso is one of my favorite and inspirational Netflix Shows, and I frequently remind myself to adopt his mantra in the show and to “believe” in being able to accomplish anything I set out to achieve. This also applies to helping others too.

This week’s post is slightly off the path from what I typically write about, so I would be honored with hearing your feedback and letting me know if and whether some of these suggestions helped to make a positive impact on you doing enough for yourself, others, or both.

TAGS: #Business #Sports #Motivation #Sportscoach #Coach #Leader #Leadership #Leaders #Sales #Tipsonhelpingothers #Impact #Inspiration #Teamdynamics #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment

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Doing things the hard way? Or not.

There is an expression which alludes to the fact you need to struggle to truly appreciate your accomplishments. I don’t agree with this type of thinking, but I have encountered numerous people in my life who think this way. I’m not suggesting that you don’t have to put in lots of work and effort towards reaching an accomplishment, as you typically do. However, I’m curious about why some people think of achievement in a negative manner.

From my perspective, working towards an achievement can be highly motivating, and going through the process of reaching your end goal can be something you can look back on with pride. Yes, even if you required help from others to reach your accomplishment. In fact, for me personally, some of my greatest moments of pride and achievement are associated with the collaborative work with others. There is something about working together towards a common goal which I find very rewarding. Perhaps you have experienced this too?

During a conversation I was having with a person I highly value having in my life, I was surprised by a comment they made. So much so, that it prompted me to share this conversation with you, as I would like you to have a similar outcome they did. This is versus the outcome they were heading towards, and which was going to put them in a negative loop and essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy of not being able to succeed at what they were attempting to do. Even though verbally they appeared to be completely committed to doing so.

The goal for this person was to set aside time each day to work on a professional development project. One which required studying and mastering a new software program language, and that would take lots of focus and dedication to complete. As this person was telling me about their plan in terms of how they were going to go about accomplishing their goal, I was immediately struck by how difficult their plan sounded. Although I also attempted to keep an open mind to consider they perhaps thought their plan was appealing. Or so I thought.

When I followed up with this person several days into their “plan”, it was obvious it wasn’t working, as they had not even started working on it. Were they just telling me something they thought I wanted to hear? Or did they really believe they were going to begin and commit to their plan? A plan that if they followed it through would put them in an entirely different place professionally, and which would open many new possible and intriguing options for them. Yes, procrastination was at the core of why this person wasn’t proceeding with their plan, but it also had to do with the fact they were attempting to do something the hard way. Without realizing there were alternative options for proceeding forward which would have been more appealing.

Procrastination is a state most of us have experienced at one point in time or another, and some people seem to be more challenged by this progression hinderance than others. Many times, when you ask someone to explain why they procrastinate, they don’t have any solid or rational reasons why they do. This contributes to further complicating their ability to move forward, because they go into a state which I’m certain you have either experienced, or seen someone else in. It’s the experience of being “stuck”. It may appear to anyone not in this scenario that the person is being unreasonable, or perhaps even lazy with behaving this way, but people who are experiencing this legitimately feel this way. A way which contributes to making it more difficult to proceed, versus the process of beginning to do something, and then completing it.

Even the most accomplished people at some points have experienced procrastination, or an aspect of doing something when they were working towards an accomplishment and thought to themselves, “There must be an easier way to do this.”  If you or someone you know who a leader, sports coach or any other achievement-oriented category, and who is doing things the hard way, below are some options to think about to help you or them to find more ways to strive towards accomplishment with greater ease.

  • Have you ever considered the real reason you do things from other people’s perception the hard way?
  • Do you go through cycles of procrastination, and if you do, is there a driving force contributing to this cycle, and if so, a way for you to break this cycle? Perhaps with the support of someone you trust who will help to keep you accountable?
  • Think about one of your biggest accomplishments. What were the contributing elements which allowed you to proceed forward, seemingly without any struggle?
  • Who do you know that appears to accomplish anything with ease? Would it be possible to ask them for advice on how they do this?
  • Not everyone is wired the same way in terms of achievement levels they desire to reach. What level on a scale of (1-10), with 10 being the highest level are you comfortable with maintaining?
  • If your achievement level is lower than you would like it to be, are you willing to put in more effort, without the effort being overwhelming to reach a higher level of accomplishment, and doing so in a manner which is realistic and will offer you enough of a reward at the end to remain motivated towards a successful completion?

Appreciating the fact that there are going to be people who think that you need to struggle and do things the hard way for it to be worth it, I encourage you to consider thinking about why you, or others need to orient themselves this way? If you had to rationally explain your reasons behind your thinking, could you do so objectively? I hope you will be willing to think of an alternative way of accomplishment, and enjoying the process being much less frustrating, easier and which will encourage you to do more for yourself, or others with your new approach.

TAGS: #Leader #Leadership #Coach #Sportscoach #Achievement #Motivation #Success #Procrastination #Tipsonhowtoaccomplish #Accomplishmentips #Business #Sales #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Teams #Teamdynamics

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Not having the time, but making it.

I get it. You are busy and can’t even imagine adding one more thing to your list of to do’s this week. Some of this may be due to your poor time management, over committing to people and projects you should have said “no” to, or a plethora of other reasons which contributed to your current schedule overload. I’ve even seen people who panic when their schedule has openings in it. What’s worse, is they feel the need to fill these time gaps at all costs. Sound familiar?

Most will agree that time is one of our most precious assets. We also don’t have any guarantee of how much time we have, so I’m amazed by have cavalier and yes, irresponsible some people can be with the use of their time. Sure, some people’s time is dictated by circumstances beyond their control, but the fact is we have more control over our schedule than we might like to admit. Consider someone you know who seems completely in control of their schedule, isn’t in an anxious state about it, and appears to be one of the most productive people you have met on the planet. Yes, these people do exist, and no, they are not as I like to refer to as “unicorns”. You just might not be familiar with them.

Some of the most impressive leaders and sports coaches I have seen that are in control of their schedules appear to accomplish more than most people they might be compared to. Do they have some special ability or superpower which enables them to do this? Not really. So, what is it about them that distinguishes them from other people who barely seem to be able to accomplish one thing per day? I’ll call it “intentional planning”. They are highly aware of how and why they are investing in their daily calendar, and this contributes to their ability to seemingly accomplish anything.

One example of “intentionally planning” your schedule might include appreciating your various energy levels via the day. Depending on whether you are a morning or evening person, I have seen some leaders and coaches color code their schedules based on what their energy level for that time of day will be. For instance, most people are not at their peak level of productivity between the hours of 2-5 pm, but we know that these are also hours which we need to work with. Or not? If you must work and be productive during this time block, consider what you can do to maximize your output. Perhaps you schedule time to focus on doing strategic or highly focused work during this time, and not be involved in meetings. Unless the meetings are well organized, there is an agenda, have a purpose and the expected outcome is well understood upfront. If you are accepting meetings without this type of structure, this is where you can be guaranteed to not be constructively investing in your precious time management.

There are certainly activities that may not be “agenda appropriate”, but when they are, and an agenda is not constructed, saying “no” to this type of meeting or activity will garner you new time back on your schedule. Perhaps time that you can now “make” to accomplish or do something more desirable or productive.

Making time for other people is one of the categories I factor into my schedule on a weekly basis. Not only because I believe it is important to do so, but also because some of this time is oriented towards helping another individual, or a group of people. You might call this mentoring or volunteer time, and I do have to limit the amount of time I can invest. However, being intentional about this offers me the opportunity to consider doing this and being what some have told me “generous time giving”. With this said, I’m a big proponent of giving back to others, as I have had plenty of people who have contributed to helping me to get to where I am professionally.

We all know that there are certain times when we will need to make time for others, but can’t seem to figure out how to accomplish this. Some people might also be thinking, I don’t even have enough time for myself. Guess what? Whose challenge is this? Yes, this is a rhetorical question, and I’ve lost patience with people who don’t take ownership for their own schedule and routinely say this. If you are one of these people, or know someone who appears to have this conundrum, below are some ideas for you or them to consider helping with this challenge.

  • Yes, I’ll grant you there are times in our lives when we will have more time to apply to others, and that we may feel deprived of not having any “me time”, but I guarantee if you look and work hard enough, you can find at least 30-60 minutes per day to accomplish this.
  • Have you considered mastering the art of creating agendas for either the meetings you are attending or scheduling? I literally took a two-day course on how to do this, and it was truly life changing, and I was able to gain more time back on my schedule as a result.
  • Although this may seem counter-intuitive, when we take time to help others, it will give us more energy and motivation. Energy and motivation we can then re-invest in ourselves.
  • Be honest. How would you rate your time management skills? In my experience, I would give most people a C, and this would be a generous grade. What can you do to enhance your time management skills? Yes, starting today.
  • If you took the time to intentionally plan out your schedule for an entire month, and to do so in meticulous fashion, allowing for some flexibility, and including “time for others”, as well as yourself, how would that make you feel? Could you give this a try?
  • Not being morbid, but what if you knew how much time you had on this planet was down to the last day you would be here. Would you invest in your time differently? Yes, I intentionally chose the word invest, as you should consider your time as a precious investment.

The next time you tell someone you wish you had more time, or that you don’t have any time, I’m hopeful the tips above will provide you with an opportunity to re-think and remove or reduce saying this soon.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leaders #Motivation #Timemanagement #Strategy #Personaldevelopment #Sportscoach #Teams #Sportsteams #Communication #Awareness #Professionaldevelopment #Business #Productivity #Teamdynamics

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Admit it. Are you all talk?

Yes, I’ll grant you that some people are more achievement oriented than others, but we all have some capacity to start and complete things. Perhaps at different levels of attainment, but we either push ourselves to obtain amazing outcomes, or put in a minimal effort into doing so with lack luster results.  

Some people are of the opinion that why bother doing something if you are not going to do it exceptionally well? Does this mean they have the capacity to complete and achieve more than others? Not necessarily, but it could be one of the driving forces which allows them to put their words into action which result in a tangible and positive outcome. There are also people who are driven to accomplish something to prove they can do so to others, and some who are purely self-motivated. Although when you think about what the difference between these approaches is, this is where it can get interesting.

If you are a leader or sports coach, appreciating and understanding how to motivate another person or a team can be one of the most challenging experiences you will encounter. Not only because we understand that everyone is motivated differently, but also motivated at various levels, and they are not always in synch when you need them to be. What can be frustrating about this is when people tell you they are going to do and accomplish something that you agreed upon, and they do not hold up their end of the agreement. Yes, this is disappointing, and it impacts both parties. Perhaps an entire team.

Is it easy to determine who is “all talk, no action”? It can be, but some people are so convincing you want to give them multiple opportunities to prove it. I guarantee you know someone like this, or perhaps I might be describing you? If I am describing you, have you considered why you fall into this classification? Does it matter to you that you routinely tell others you are going to do something and prove otherwise? Do you tell others you are going to do something because it is easier than being honest with them? Or perhaps telling them you either can’t, won’t or do not want to do what you committed to doing? Maybe you have good intentions, but time passes, and you think this gives you a pass not to follow through? Possibly some other version of this type of thinking?

My question to people who are “all talk” is does it matter to you that you are letting others down with your pseudo promises? Or are you simply able to dismiss any emotions associated with disappointing others and not give it a second thought? If this is the case, then I should have more concern for your thinking. Why? Because you are capable of so accomplishing so much more than how you are acting but have chosen not to live up to your potential. A word that some leaders and sports coaches cringe when hearing or thinking about, as they have seen many people who “have or had potential” but choose not to exercise it.

Seeing someone who doesn’t take advantage of their potential from a leadership perspective is very difficult to watch, and most leaders will grant someone in this situation a few opportunities to reach their potential. Or they won’t, and the person gets bypassed and will remain the same in terms of their growth and attainment potential. From my perspective this is sad, but also a reality due to the hyper competitive world we live in. Although some people might not look at it this way, and are happy with being average and not reaching their full potential.

This morning I received a text from a person who I knew had potential, but they had been struggling for several years to do something with it. Part of the reason had to do with their lack of confidence, so they talked a good game to convince you initially they were going to follow through on what they were going to do. After hearing this a few times with no change, it was obvious they were “all talk, and no action”. However, today the text I received from this person proved they were going to act, and they outlined how this action had been planned, and shared with me the actions they had taken.

Yes, I was both surprised and happy to receive this text, as I wasn’t sure when I would. I knew I would, but the person had to believe in themselves, find their confidence to proceed, and then take the step which can be the most difficult. The first step forward. They have done this, and I have a giant and very proud smile on my face thinking about this accomplishment.

If you have good intentions and don’t want to be classified as someone who is “all talk and no action”, or who has someone you lead who is this way, below are some suggestions to help alter this scenario.

  • Have you sat down and told this person that you have noticed a pattern with their behavior? Sometimes this conversation hasn’t taken place, although you might have presumed it has. You might be the first one to call them out on their behavior.
  • Ask the person what their reasons are for continuously being “all talk, and no action”? You may or may not be surprised by what they tell you.
  • After you have asked the question above, continue to ask enough questions to get to the root of the actual “why” they don’t follow through.
  • Determine if the person wants to change? They might be stuck and need support to do so, yet they don’t know who to turn to for support, or how to ask for help.
  • Consider helping the person put together a plan of a few things they can accomplish to prove to them they can follow through.
  • Bad habits or actions can be hard to break, so it is going to take both discipline and having potentially someone who can help to keep the person on track and fully accountable for what they say they are going to do.
  • Having a clear understanding of the repercussions of not keeping your word or not following through on something needs to be agreed upon by both parties. If possible, put your agreement in the written format, and have both parties sign that they agree with the outcome. Yes, this is more formal, and it does work, and it provides the tangibility that a verbal agreement can lack.

Imagine if there were fewer “all talk, no action” people in our lives? I think about this possibility every day, and if this article helps one person to change their behavior, then I will be grateful for this.

TAGS: #Leadership #Motivation #Positivity #Business #Teams #Leader #Sports #Sportscoach #Management #Communication #Productivitytips #Awareness #Purpose #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment

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How to thrive after a disappointment.

How amazing would it be to never have to handle experiencing a disappointment? It could be great! However, when I think about the times I have experienced being on the receiving end of information I wanted to be different, I can tell you the unanticipated outcome has generally turned out better than I anticipated it would have. Does this have to do with my attitude? Sure, it does. Yet this is only one of the dimensions which contribute to the initial disappointment turning into a better situation.

I don’t know about you, but I have never met a perfect person. Although sarcastically we know people who claim to either be close to perfect, even these individuals have been known to have experienced at least one major disappointment in their lives. They may not admit this, but if you asked them enough questions, you would ultimately determine there was a point in their past where a major disappointment contributed to who and where they are today in their lives, or professionally.

In my experience, people who take more risks and push themselves to higher levels of achievements will typically be the ones who are regularly experiencing hearing outcomes they would have preferred to be different. However, they continue to strive to seek a different outcome. If they are an athlete, they do this in a simplistic explanation by training and eating differently and are more strategic about how they work towards altering their performance metrics. They also seek guidance from people who have had success, or via experts in areas they can benefit from.

Businesspeople will take a similar approach to athletes in terms of modifying their performance outcomes to be more ideally suited towards their goals, and to minimize their performance metrics being disappointing to them. Or, to the people on their team who are counting on them to succeed. Independent of what type of career or industry you are in, I’m certain you can think of a time when you were on the receiving end of news you wanted to be different. Perhaps you had to deliver less than desirable news to someone you lead? No one wants to be in either of these positions, but it is a reality, and they will occur. Even when it appears you have a fool-proof plan to prevent it from happening.

I was reading a quote from Ray Kroc the founder of McDonald’s hamburger chain, and it struck me as being simplistically brilliant. Paraphrasing the quote, he said “a person is either green and growing, or ripe and rotting”. I’m sure you would want to be known as someone who is represented by the first part of this quote, but if you are in the latter part, your share of disappointments might be due to the fact you have become stagnant? Yes, being green and growing as an analogy can certainly contribute to experiencing disappointments, but I’m of the opinion I would rather be growing, and if part of the growth equation includes disappointments, as I know for a fact, I will learn from them. More so from the disappointments I might experience if I’m on the “ripe side” and rotting. Why? Because you know when you are “ripe and rotting”, and if you remain on the green and growth side, you can continue to learn and experience the opportunities which will come from your growth. I want to emphasize this is also independent of which decade in life you are in. Potentially it’s even more important to have a growth mindset as your decades add up, as we want to keep our brains sharp, and not succumb to thinking we don’t need to learn anything new because we are too old to do so.

In considering whether there is an ideal way to handle either experiencing a disappointment, or perhaps disappointing someone else, below are some suggestions you can consider or share with someone else who might need them. Especially if they are a leader or sports coach who are on a regular basis contending with having to handle the aspects associated with the concept of disappointment.

  • Keeping negative news directed towards you in perspective can take practice. It can be hard to hear, but intently listening to what is being said can provide you with valuable clues which you can benefit from, especially when you take time to process hearing the information.
  • Sometimes we can prepare and brace for hearing less than desirable news. However, consider if there was anything you could have done to make this news a self-fulfilling prophecy? Unfortunately, there are times when we will self-sabotage a situation, so hearing the news shouldn’t be too surprising. The takeaway is going back and considering the “why” did you self-sabotage the scenario?
  • There are very few circumstances we can’t learn something from. This includes being on the receiving end of the news you would rather not hear. The trick is to commit to practicing having a growth mindset, as this will contribute to how well or poorly you will handle experiencing the negative information you are receiving.
  • When you are hearing disappointing news, are you quick to blame someone else and are immediately defensive towards the bearer of the news? Sure, it’s possible another person or others contributed to what you are hearing, but factor in the “why” are you the one who is hearing this news independently? Perhaps hearing this news in this manner might be favorable to you. Why? Because you will have an opportunity to privately come up with a plan on how to leverage this information in a favorable way, potentially with the person who is sharing the news with you.
  • When someone disappoints another person, it might not on face value be what they consciously meant to do. Consider they may have done so as a cry for help, or potentially for attention they have not been able to garner via other attempted methods. It’s also possible the person on the receiving end feels worse than the news bearer, and their act of disappointing you is going to cause more mental angst than any action you can apply to prevent this circumstance from occurring again.
  • Factor in that when you are on the receiving end of disappointing news, that this is a moment in time. Circumstances can change, time will fade and heal your mental wounds eventually, and that you are not defined exclusively by what you are hearing. You can change and grow from the news you are hearing at any point in your life. Believing this is key and grant yourself permission to allow this to be potentially a new way of thinking which you will benefit from.

One of my colleagues in the past used to say in situations that warranted either bravery or a different perspective to “put on your big girl pants”. Anytime I personally come across a disappointing scenario, both this and Ray Kroc’s previously mentioned quote pops into my mind and allows me to remain optimistic. Although none of us wants to experience disappointment, there are upsides to this concept, you simply must be willing to look for and appreciate what they are.

TAGS: #Leadership #Management #Sales #Leader #Salesleader #Sales #Sportscoach #Sports #Motivation #Awareness #Positivity #Development #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Disappointment #Tipsondealingwithdisappointment