How Happy are People When They See You?

If you have either owned a dog, or been around one before, you can generally tell their tail wagging is because they are happy to see you. When you know they are wagging their tail because they are delighted to see you, it’s a great feeling to have this kind of reception. Unfortunately, people are not as easy to read, and wouldn’t it be amazing if they were? Especially at work or everyday life situations.

Let’s face it. Every time you meet or encounter someone, they are not always “tail wagging” happy to see you. How can you tell? Some ways to do so are obvious (e.g., from a visual perspective they facially appear genuinely happy looking). Other people are less facially expressive and harder to judge. You might have heard the expression they have a poker face. They may in fact not realize how they are coming across to you, particularly when they are unaware of the fact they are more stoic in their facial and other body mannerisms.

Having an awareness of how you come across to others is an important skill to master. Coming across as being genuine, is even more important to work on. People who are perceived as being more friendly and happy, even if they are faking it, are much easier to interact with, and generally are stronger leaders or managers.

I recently wrote an article about the topic of being approachable . When you are approachable, or work on becoming more so, when you achieve a level of being more approachable, its equivalent to having a Disney “Fast Pass” to all of your favorite rides. The best part is that it is like having lanes of opportunity open up to you. Who wouldn’t want to hop on board to achieving this?

So, how do you tell if others are happy to see you? Here’s my take on this, and how you too can leverage this as a skill.

  • Everyone is intuitive. Some more than others. Generally, we all have a sense of being able to intuitively tell whether the person we are about to, or are interacting with is happy to be engaging with us. We have to trust our gut instinct on this. This is also referred to as an aspect of emotional intelligence.
  • Whether you realize it or not, we all have the capacity to change how others are feeling when they interact with us. Seriously. Start off by making sure you ask everyone you engage with how they are doing? Most of the time people will tell you they are “fine”. However, if you sense they are only being polite, ask them if there is something you can do for them to make their day better. You would be amazed at the reaction people have (it’s a good one) when you ask them this question.
  • Notice their body language. Are their arms crossed when they are talking to you? Do they keep adjusting their clothing, as if it is a protective armour? Many women do this, and are unaware of doing this out of being nervous, or less comfortable with the person or group they are interacting with. In this situation, make sure your physical distance is not making the person feel uncomfortable, as sometimes you might make them feel like you are invading their personal space. Different cultures have varying degrees of personal space and what amount of space makes them comfortable.
  • Maintain a steady, but not overly aggressive eye contact level with them. Striking the right balance on doing this is a factor which makes you both more engaged, and appear happy to be interacting with the person you are conversing with.
  • Even if you are not feeling happy about interacting with the person you are engaging with. When someone smiles, this can change the dynamic of the engagement from neutral to a more positive tone. Of course, there are times when it isn’t appropriate to smile, but I’m going to give you credit that you don’t need me to spell out these instances.

Having the ability to either make people happy to see you, or to turn the situation around from them not being happy to see you, to being thrilled to see you is one of the social superpowers we can all work on becoming better at. Wouldn’t you rather live in a world where the majority of people are happy to see you? I know I would, and I work on this every day.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer (published December 2019) and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

What if “can’t” wasn’t a word?

What if the word “can’t” wasn’t in your vocabulary? Are you the type of person that when they hear this word this…oh yes I can! If so, consider yourself fortunate, as this is one of the words which derails dreams and keeps people from doing extraordinary things in their life. How do I know? Well, I’m one of the types of people who hit the “ignore” button when I hear this word.

Sure, there are reasons why when someone is told they “can’t” do something they automatically default to feeling dejected, but what if you didn’t hear this word, and instead heard “yes”, you can do that? Of course, there are things which would be absurd to tell someone they cannot do something, so I am qualifying this concept to apply to rationale actions and activities.

Think about the last time you heard someone tell you that you couldn’t do what you wanted to do, or needed their permission to do. How did it make you feel? Did you immediately give up and think there was no path forward? Or, did you immediately start thinking about what your Plan B, C, D, etc. would be? For those of you in the sales profession, you are much more accustomed to being able to hear the words no, and not always accept it as the final decision. You are trained to come back with other methods to hear the word “yes”, or essentially you can.

Since salespeople are trained to convince others their solution or pitch is the best option, can non-sales people learn how to take a page out of the salespersons playbook to hear “yes” or you can more often? Of course, you can! However, the question is do you really want to? Or, are you comfortable with more of the same, and not pushing into unchartered territory to really go after what you want?

I have often talked about how people in general are resistant to change. In fact, we are biologically programmed to be more conservative and risk adverse naturally to protect ourselves physically. However, this can also apply to mentally shielding ourselves from taking risk when we hear we can’t do something.

If someone granted you permission to live your life and operate in a professional environment sans the word “can’t”, what would be the first thing you do? Would you go back to your boss or team and have a different conversation from the last one which shut down your idea or request to do something? What would the impact of hearing “yes” you “can” do for you?

We know how impactful words can be. Especially harsh words. However, what if more of the words we heard expressed when we were pursuing something resulted in hearing exactly what we wanted to hear? Can you imagine being able to handle this? Are you smiling? You should be, because your professional scenario could be entirely different than it is now if “can’t” wasn’t a word your heard or had to react to.

So, what can you do to hear “can” or “yes” more often? Here are some suggestions to put to the test:

  1. Always have at a minimum a secondary plan in place, and assume your Plan A might not be accepted. Even if you think your Plan A is the best plan in the world, others might not see it that way.
  2. Consider whether what you are proposing is only self-serving, or whether you have thought about whether you are actually solving a problem or challenge or providing a better solution if there is an existing one.
  3. Do you really want to hear yes, or are you expecting to hear “no”, or “you can’t” do that? Often, we go into requesting what we want with a weak proposition, or one that is confusing and not verbally expressed in a way which could be misinterpreted negatively and would make it difficult to say yes to. Always be crystal clear.
  4. Practice your pitch or request if it is something you have to obtain the go ahead from another person or a group. Actors always rehearse before they perform in front of an audience, so you should too. Essentially you are putting on a performance, and you want it to get rave reviews.
  5. Are you conditioned not to go after what you want because you have heard “no” or “you can’t” so often? Make a list of the times you have heard no or your can’t. Categorize the responses into how much of an impact hearing a negative statement impacted your current professional or personal situation. Use a scale of 1-5 with 5 being the highest level of negative impact.
  6. Take a glance at how many 5’s you have heard. Be honest. Not all of the “no’s” or “cant’s” are going to be worthy of a 5 rating. However, some will be.
  7. Based on each of your categories or requests to hear a “yes”, did you give up after one attempt? Or, did you try two or three more times to receive a different answer? Consider J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. She is the perfect example of someone pursuing her plan until she received the response she was looking for. Do you have what it takes to be that persistent? It’s possible in some instances it’s going to take this type of tenacity to get the results you are after.

Circling back to my original concept of living in a world where “can’t” isn’t part of our vocabulary, can you now imagine based on having some suggestions that you might consider giving this mindset a try? I hope you do, as it can seriously be a game changer for the direction your career and life are headed.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whisperer  and Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer (published in December 2019)and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

 

What’s your hook, and why do people seek you out?

If someone were to ask you what is the main reason people seek you out, would you be able to tell them why you think they do? When was the last time someone sought you out? I’m referring to the type of seeking when someone tells you that you are the only person they think who can fill-in-the-blank.

How did it feel when you heard someone say this to you? Were you surprised, happy, honored or did you want to run in the opposite direction or hit the make yourself invisible button? When you consider the last time someone came to you for guidance, consider what type of advice they were looking for. Is this a common request you receive from others? Or, would you classify the types of reasons people seek you out as being diverse?

Depending on the scenario you are in, and whether it is at work or outside of work, the type of guidance people are asking you for may be different. For the sake of focus, let’s choose the office as the place people what to engage with you. Is there a pattern to the type of information you are talking to them about? Are the people all members or your team, or are they from various departments and management levels?

Generally, if people from various management levels are coming to you for guidance, consider yourself for starters to be a tremendously good listener. You are also someone who others perceive to be discreet, and someone they can confide in. The seekers also perceive you to be quite knowledgeable and capable of giving them credible advice. Consider this an honor, and something which is referred to as a “trusted advisor”.

If your hook is being a “trusted advisor”, who do you go to, and at what point in work scenarios or your career have you sought out this individual? It’s possible there are multiple people you consider to hold this designation. Why? Because since you are one for others, it is easier for you to identify others who are similar to you, and who can provide you with the guidance you need.

Charismatic people have a gift over others who would not be described this way. However, they can also take on the burden of many people leaning on them for advice due to their favorable nature of interacting with others. The advice I give to people with this “gift” is to make sure they guard against the feeling of burn out from others continuously tapping into them.

If you are wondering how to determine what your hook is, here are (5) ways you can go about determining what it might be.

  1. Think about the last 2-4 times someone came to you for advice. Were they all asking for the same type of advice?
  2. If the advice people were asking you for was similar, how would you classify and categorize the advice? Was it leadership advice? Did it have to do with communication? Or, was it related to how to accomplish something you could help them to determine how to do so?
  3. Let’s say the type of advice people you are asking about is varied. That’s not a bad thing, as people see you as a multi-dimensional person who can help them with numerous challenges. However, I suspect there is still a theme you could apply to the type of advice people are asking you about. Can you come up with a theme?
  4. Ask the next person who seeks you out to help them, why they did so. This will help to reveal additional insights into perhaps how others perceive you. You can repeat this question with others to see if there is a distinct or any type of pattern and clues as to what your “hook” is.
  5. If the suggestions above are not providing you with clues or a definitive reason or reasons people are coming to you, ask a few people who are your trusted advisors to tell you what they think your hook happens to be. Are they telling you the same thing, or something entirely different?

When you determine what your hook is, this can be part of what I call your personal value proposition . The better we understand how and why others want to engage with us, the more opportunities we will have to help them, and in turn, put more coins into our Karma bank.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer

The fact that I’m publishing my second book in my mind is short of another small miracle. In the introduction of my first book Wisdom Whisperer, I talked about how I had to overcome Imposter Syndrome, and leverage my top StrengthsFinder 2.0 strength of positivity to become an entrepreneur and author. Mission accomplished!

One of the driving forces behind why I continue to craft and produce content is because I am so passionate about helping and leading others in the workforce. I did not have an ‘official’ mentor when I was climbing up the proverbial business ladder. I sure wish I did. In my first book, the story on “Who’s Your Mentor” reinforces the importance of having others support and mentor you.

What you may not know about my second book is how it has evolved over the last two years. When I first started blogging, I never imagined I would turn my writing into a book. Not to mention a second one! Truth be told, as of January 2020, I will start writing book number five. Yes, that’s right, my fifth book. So, if you like this one, and I hope you do, in 2021 and the years following it you will have more of them to read and to be thought provoked, encouraged and learn from.

After I published my first book, I never imagined it would open up so many new doors of opportunity for me. One of them was being asked to join the University of Maine Business School Advisory Board (Undergraduate and Graduate). This was followed by being on a series of radio and local area television shows to talk about my book, and professionally speaking around the country about what I had written about, via workshops and conferences.

In May this year, I was asked to become the Chairwoman of a local area women’s conference (Merrimack Valley Women’s Conference). In July, I launched my first TV Show and podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk. These are only a few of the opportunities that my book Wisdom Whisperer provided me. My point is that these activities will fuel and shape the contents of my other books, and allow me to continue to serve as a “virtual mentor” for people all around the globe.

Speaking of our world, nothing makes my day brighter than when I hear from people who are positively impacted by my writing. Although my book is currently only in English, I regularly hear from people in places you might not think I would. These are the countries who regularly read my blogs and interact with me outside of the United States. They include Africa (Kenya, Liberia, Mauritius, Morocco, Namibia, Nigeria, South Africa, Sudan, Tanzania, Tunisia, Uganda), Australia, Bahamas, Bermuda, Brazil, Canada, China, Europe (Denmark, Faroe Islands, Finland, France, Germany, Guernsey, Greece, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Poland, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom), Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, Mexico, New Zealand, Singapore, the Middle East (Bahrain, Egypt, Iraq, Israel, Lebanon, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates), India (Bangladesh, Bhutan), Peru, Philippines, Romania, Russia (Kyrgyzstan), St. Kitts & Nevis, Slovenia, South Korea, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Trinidad & Tobago and Vietnam. Someday it would be amazing to meet all of these people in their respective countries. Of course, this includes all of my readers in the United States too!

Based on assembling this list, perhaps a cross country or across the globe book and speaking tour is in my future? Or, perhaps a nationally or internationally syndicated show? Don’t worry, I’m planning on this, but I might need some help from my professional “tribe” who serve as my mentors. Yes, I have a number of mentors too.

The other driving force behind my writing is to help inspire, engage and motivate people. If you are not familiar with my writing style, you will learn that I challenge and take people out of their comfort zones. I also ask them to consider thinking or acting differently. If you are wondering, yes, I’m talking to you!

For those of you who are challenged with finding time to improve your personal or professional life, and are looking for leadership and your own virtual mentor, you found one. Me. Welcome to my second book called “Evolve” from the Wisdom Whisperer. I’m glad you found me.

I am the Wisdom Whisperer, and I’ll be on this journey with you. Now let’s get you started.

 

-Kathleen

Tips on how to deal with disappointment.

Think about the last time you received disappointing news or were disappointed by someone, something or yourself. Chances are the news put a damper on your day or spirits, and perhaps you continued to dwell on the disappointment, whether you wanted to or not.

Disappointments of any type are never fun to deal with, but how you handle them can be a game changer, literally. A fundamental thing to keep in mind when it comes to disappointments is that you have more control over them than you perhaps think you do. How is this possible? It’s possible because the way you deal with the news or situation is completely under your control, you simply have to embrace this fact.

Just about every day when I talk to people about how their day is going, I can sense when they are contending with something that happened to them which was less than desirable. Or, perhaps not the expected outcome they anticipated. Generally, if they are open to discussing what is on their mind, and it has to do with something negative, you can see a sense of relief on their face by discussing what is mentally beating them up.

Athletes are often very tough on themselves when something they did or that negatively happened to their team occurred. When this happens, I have seen them almost physically go into what I will refer to as neutral gear. My analogy of going into neutral gear isn’t the place they want to be, as it is a place where they get stuck, or park themselves into a place they cannot get out of. When this happens, they tend to lose focus, become less competitive than they normally are, and their performance is noticeably negatively impacted. This same thing can also happen to professionals in the workforce too.

So, how do I recommend to the athlete or professional person who is stuck in neutral gear how to get out of this gear and move onto first gear? Here are (5) things I teach them to do:

  1. Acknowledge the disappointment, but commit to moving on and not dwelling on it.
  2. Apply the 6-8-2 method used by many professional trainers and athletes. Breathe in for six seconds, breathe out for eight second and repeat this again. While doing this focus on what is disappointing you, and mentally tell yourself to release and move on from this thinking.
  3. Write down what you are disappointed about. Then write down one to two ways you can either deal with the disappointment, or turn the disappointment into a learning opportunity you can gain value from.
  4. Share your disappointment with someone else. Doing this allows you to release your mind from continuously thinking about the situation. By sharing your thinking about what has disappointed you, the listener also gains from the learning, and has a feedback opportunity. Their feedback might have some strong and valid suggestions on how to deal with your disappointment differently.
  5. Leverage the negative energy invested in your disappointment to fuel doing something better, or more positive for you or someone else.

I am not saying doing all five of the above things will magically make you feel better, but doing one or more of them will in fact allow you to move beyond your mind trapping you in neutral gear. In both work and sports, no one wants to be stuck in neutral gear, as you need to be continuously moving forward to make progress.

When you do not dwell on your disappointments, you will find that when they do occur, you will have developed the ability to make dealing with them much easier. Keep this in mind the next time disappointment strikes, and don’t let it get the best of you. You’re in control.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: My second book has been published! It is called                  Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer . This book and my first one Wisdom Whisperer are both available on Amazon. They make great gifts, and everyone needs a Mentor!

 

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One