Tag: #Confidence

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Growing and developing via adversity.

Growth and development are essential, but we know that experiencing this is often difficult. Sometimes painful, especially when you toss in the additional factor of dealing with adversity too. Is there an optimal approach to getting this right?

I’m not sure about you, but there are days I feel like during some conversations I’m living in the movie Ground Hog Day. If you are not familiar with this movie, it stars Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. The context of the movie is that each day is on repeat from one single day in time…Ground Hog Day. The reason I’m drawing this comparison, is because so many people appear to need support with better appreciating how they will absolutely need to put in more effort into their growth and development. Hint. Sometimes it’s not much fun to do this, but it is almost always worth it.

To set expectations, it will be necessary to go beyond the limits of where someone feels comfortable in order to experience growth. This applies to both a workforce team, as well as a sports team’s growth. If either of these team’s do not have a growth mindset, their performance outcomes are not going to deliver the results they are hoping for. In my experience, I have seen people have more growth during adversarial times. This isn’t to say it is impossible to have growth occur which is strategically planned out, and this is a preferable option. However, the reality is most development professionally and personally occurs during times of adversity.

As I was reflecting on this topic, I thought of a comment another leader I was speaking to recently made. They told me that their job is to be in charge of the “background music and atmosphere”. In other words, they were the person who was responsible for contributing to setting the vibe and base culture of their organization. They were also the leader of the organization. I loved hearing this analogy, as it made instant sense to me. I also started thinking about whether there perhaps is a song that is representative of setting this mood, but of course in reality there isn’t just one. It’s more of a feeling you get when you think of the organization. Of course, a good one.

This past week was a tough one for both me, as well as one of the team’s I am working with. They are going through a difficult transition period in the middle of their season. This would be equivalent to a mid-quarter transition if this was a workforce team. Most of us have experienced either an unplanned or anticipated transition, but independent of this, it doesn’t always make it easy to go through it.

If the transition is unplanned, there are both pros and cons to this scenario. Some of the cons are that you don’t know what to expect the potential outcome will be, and this can be from a lack of experience to know what the options could be. Another con is that the impact on the transition may not be in your favor, but then again, it might be. A pro to this scenario is that you will be learning from it. Perhaps not right away, as you will likely need time and perspective to be in your favor to do so. The other pro from an unplanned transition is that you will ultimately learn something either about yourself, your leader or your teammates. Perhaps all three categories. When you learn something about yourself, this is when growth occurs, and ideally, it enables you to take your experience with the scenario to the next level.

Upon speaking with individuals on the team about the transition they were going through, the emotion level was in some cases on red alert. Half the team was on the defense as we talked about how they are either negatively or positively contributing to the transition which the team was experiencing. There were some people during these conversations who were quite surprised by what we were talking about, and some of them were visibly not happy about segments of it. Perhaps they felt they were being verbally attacked, but this wasn’t the intent. The intent was to do what I often refer to “holding a mirror” in front of someone. However, this is done so you can verbally show and share with them how they are being viewed based on their body language actions and verbal contributions. Or, lack of them when they were being observed.

During one of the conversations, I shared with the person my own experience with having the first of a number of these conversations when I was on the receiving end early during my career. To say I elegantly processed the first of these conversations wouldn’t be accurate, as I didn’t know quite how to respond to what I was being told was constructive feedback. Actually, only some of it was, but it was the delivery method that left a lot to be desired. The result of having numerous of these experiences over the last several decades, has shaped how I would one day be in the reverse scenario. In a leadership role. I would also learn to deliver and handle very similar conversations dramatically differently. Yes, I learned and grew from this experience, and this was the goal for me. Was it difficult and hard to do? It truthfully was, but I know it helped me to become a better future leader at that time.

If you are looking for suggestions on what you, or others you lead can do to increase your opportunities for growth and development, especially during adversity, I have included them for you below:

  • Always trust your instinct. However, if you feel compelled to get a second opinion, I encourage you to do so.
  • Work on containing your emotions during critical conversations or scenarios. I’m not suggesting you act like someone else, but I am recommending you think about how you could come across more neutrally. This applies to both delivering and receiving information during a conversation or brief verbal interaction.
  • We don’t always have the right perspective, particularly in emotionally charged situations. When possible, take time to decompress before engaging with another person or the team you lead before you act and speak more based on emotion than logic. Sometimes a mix of both can work, but it’s an advanced communication and leadership skill that will take serious practice.
  • It’s possible you will have to come to terms with the fact that there are people you interact with, or lead, that are perfectly happy and even comfortable with their lack of growth. This may be hard to imagine, and depending on what role they serve, this may or may not be acceptable. If your team is growth minded, you will need to determine if it is possible for the individual in question to change. Or, not.
  • Excuses are easy to come up with to avoid doing something. What if you stripped away all of the excuses you could think of, and committed to the unknown, and ventured into being open to growing and developing as a person or professionally. This would be independent of the outcome and whether or not you are currently in a leadership role.
  • If you seriously want to develop and grow, you will need to understand that you are going to have to move potentially way outside of your comfort zone to do so.

There may never be a perfect time to experience growth, but if this is something you seriously want to accomplish, you know the saying… “there is no time like the present to do so.” Go make this happen. Especially during times of adversity.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Business #Strategy #Communication #Teams #Sports #Sportsteam #Sportscoach #Motivation #Awareness #Professionalgrowthtips

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How to understand others from a leadership perspective.

Conversations with others are complex. Even when they appear to be simple ones. Consider a recent conversation you had with someone. Was the intent of the conversation to solve something? Perhaps it was a conversation to debrief on a scenario, or possibly it involved politely catching up with someone. The skills you leveraged during your conversation involved a number of areas of communication you likely have taken for granted. One of them being reading the other person’s body language.

I have written about the topic of understanding body language previously, but what I want to emphasize about this area is the complexity of appreciating how difficult this is to do well. When you are able to leverage the power of being able to read the physical signs being displayed by the person you are speaking to, it can assist you in helping to navigate much more productively and skillfully via the conversation. This of course is making the assumption your listening and conversing skills are also at the same level as your body reading ability. If they are not in lock-step ability, the outcome of the conversation will be different.

How people make decisions, followed by the actions they take do not always occur after one another. Sometimes there is a delay in the actions someone will take based on the decision they have made, and sometimes, a decision had not been made, and yet an action did occur. We often see this happening when someone impulsively does something, and it appears obvious to you that there wasn’t any thinking or a sound decision made to support their action. When this occurs, the outcome can be positive, but unfortunately, it often isn’t. This is when either the person who impulsively made the decision has to either address correcting the negative outcome, or someone else does. Often a person who is in a leadership or supporting role to this individual.

Appreciating how and why others make decisions that produce fewer desirable results are not always addressed. However, most of the time they are, as the decision made by someone that was negative will often impact more than just them. Although surprisingly, this clearly wasn’t a consideration for the originator of the action. When leaders and sports coaches are faced with having to contend with addressing less than desirable choices and outcomes from people they lead, they need to do so strategically. In other words, taking the emotion out of how they might want to initially respond to the scenario they are contending with.

People with less life experience, or experience in an any area and independent of the age decade they are in are going to make less than desirable decisions. When they do this, it provides an incredible learning opportunity for them, but the impact of their learning will be largely dependent upon how the leader handles addressing the matter. Assuming the emotion is taken out of the equation for how the leader and sports coach approaches the individual who made a poor choice in either their actions or words, the next time an individual who is in a similar scenario may or may not make the same mistakes. Why? Because depending on how the conversation progressed and whether the person who is “learning” is asked questions to help them to understand why and how their behavior occurred, will help them to learn and increase their own awareness of why and what they did. More importantly, the impact it had, and which wasn’t likely the one they would have preferred.

Depending on where you are at in your own leadership or sports coaching journey is going to have an impact on how you are going to be able to successfully navigate understanding others you lead. The goal will be to understand others at the highest level possible, and here are some of the considerations for you to contemplate where you are in your quest to eventually reach the mastery level of doing this.

  • Yes, you can fake caring, but if you are going to just go through the motions of addressing better understanding and helping those you lead, you are going to have to allow yourself to let your guard down when you are doing so, and truly care.
  • Prior to discussing why someone made the decision they did, think about asking them open ended questions which will allow them not to feel they are oriented towards being purely punitive versus inquisitive questions to fully understand their thinking orientation process.
  • No one enjoys being lectured to. Make sure you are aware of the fact you are doing your best to ride the line of being neutral in your conversation to first understand the persons “why” they did what they did, with the goal of helping them to determine what they could have done or can do differently in the future.
  • Very few of us are mind readers, so don’t assume going into a conversation with the person you are going to be speaking with that you know exactly why they did what they did. You know the saying about making the mistake of assuming things…
  • Direct your conversations and the outcome of them to be oriented towards offering them support. Even if they made a really large mistake, or if it was a minor one that needed to be addressed.
  • Following up on your initial conversation with the person who needs more leadership guidance based on their decisions and actions should always occur. The “one and done approach” is too easy to subscribe to, and the most effective leaders and sports coaches will always follow up with you after an initial conversation where they were offering you their support and guidance.

Everyone makes mistakes and ideally, we will learn from them. How we approach having an understanding of the why and how others do what they do, and being open minded to helping them to become better and stronger in their roles is one of the gifts of leadership you can pass along to others. Don’t be stingy with this gift, and use it often. It will serve you and those you lead exceptionally well.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Sportscoach #Communication #Motivation #Teams #Teamdynamics #Influence #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment #Sales #Marketing #Business

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Who’s on your sounding board?

We all need to make critical decisions. Some of us more often than others, and especially if you are in a leadership or sports coaching role. Your decisions will impact not only your own go forward path, but those of individuals as well as the entire group you are responsible for. Making decisions which impact others requires a different level of experience, and I can assure you that you will be better served when you have people you can trust to provide you with insights and guidance you may require.

Let’s first establish a definition of a sounding board, as it might be a different from what you might be considering. The way I would define a sounding board is being able to have people that you can under almost any circumstance, be there for you (e.g., via the phone, text, video, or in-person) to discuss critical and often highly sensitive information with them. Often with little to no preparation notice, or what might be defined as an “on-call” scenario and analogous to an emergency room setting.

Finding people to be on your sounding board isn’t an overnight activity. It will also take time to both vette them, and to develop a level of trust and interaction with these people which will serve to provide you with a track record of exceptional listening, practical and actionable advice. This isn’t exactly an easy combination to assemble quickly, but when you have them in place, they will serve to guide and support you like few others will be able to do so.

Is there a list of qualifications someone should have to be on your sounding board? Yes, there are, but realistically they might be different for each person depending on what level of experience they have themselves, or where you need support based on areas, you are not strong in yet. For instance, areas where someone could need help from a sounding board person or group would be if you are not strong analytically, or you might be a new or inexperienced leader or sports coach, or perhaps challenged with verbally expressing yourselves clearly. Another area a sounding board member could be invaluable to you, is if you have not yet attained the EQ (e.g., emotional intelligence) level you need to be at, and which will be required in many circumstances.

Another method to help someone determine who should be on their sounding board, is to factor in whether you struggle with thinking through all the variable outcomes from a decision you will be making. If you do, I strongly advise you to seek out a person who is exceptionally good at this. Numerous mistakes can be avoided when you receive guidance from someone with this skillset, and they typically have attained this via a combination of experience and being strategically oriented.

There are some leaders and sports coaches who don’t think they need to have a sounding board. You will quickly be able to figure out which “school of thought” they are in by asking them questions which will reveal this. The type of questions you would ask will relate to having them share with you how they go about thinking through scenarios and what methods they leverage to make a decision.

If they are the type of leader or sports coach who doesn’t have a sounding board, there are often two immediate reasons why this is the case. The first is that they are overconfident and underqualified in their knowledge relating to the situation, or they neglect to factor in the bigger picture thinking which will be required to appreciate how others will be impacted by their solo style decision making.

If you are a newer leader or sports coach, or perhaps someone who could gain benefit from considering the pros of developing and having a sounding board, here are some suggestions to support this thinking.

  • Having an open and growth mindset will serve you well and conferring with a sounding board will support this leadership style well.
  • No one person will always have all the answers to determining the best go forward path in every situation, but a combination of minds will get you much closer to an ideal solution or multiple options to be considered.
  • Others experience is a gift they can share with you, and it doesn’t have to cost much or anything to seek out this invaluable knowledge.
  • Consider broadening who should be on your sounding board, and perhaps include people you wouldn’t imagine doing so. Why? Because a homogenous sounding board isn’t going to offer you the diversity you will benefit from more.
  • Dismiss the notion in your mind that asking for help from others is a sign of weakness. It’s not, and in fact when you ask for help or guidance, you will be signaling that you are confident in being a strong, realistic, and thoughtful leader because you are thinking beyond what is only best for you.
  • Your sounding board will likely evolve over time, and it should. However, there will be foundational people on your sounding board who should remain there to provide you with longer term perspectives from where you have evolved from.

Having a sounding board will serve you well, and it will also help to fast track your professional and personal growth in ways you will pleasantly and intellectually discover along the way.

TAGS: #Business #Leadership #Leader #Leaders #Sports #Sportscoach #Teams #Teamdynamics #Strategy #Motivation #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment #Communication

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Sometimes there isn’t a blueprint.

Being comfortable with being uncomfortable has become a state I have had to embrace over the last decade. Especially more recently as I am pursuing unchartered professional paths forward with little to no precedents to draw knowledge or inspiration from. Embarking on this journey isn’t for everyone, but I have come to realize and accept that it suits me perfectly.

When I think about strategically planning my own career path forward, I finally came to accept the notion that there are not many others I can look to for guidance. Sure, I can obtain advice on a variety of topics to help support me day to day, but the reality is that my path is completely open to both exploration, and interpretation of which options forward will serve me best. Becoming comfortable with this has taken me time to both embrace and experience the freedom of creating my own blueprint forward because of this.

The fact that my professional blueprint is flexible, is what offers me the most motivation, and I had not considered this would be an outcome I would enjoy. This has to do with the fact that several decades of my career were on a particular trajectory, and deviations off it would have potentially jeopardized where I was heading. During that time, I wasn’t personally or professionally satisfied with what I was doing, but I was good at what I was doing, so this served the purpose of responsibly being a parent and helping to take care of my family financially.

After following the professional path I had been on for decades, I eventually reached a point where I couldn’t imagine continuing forward any further. The tipping point to reach this place had to do with a combination of factors. One of them was a serious back pain which required surgery to address, and the other factor had to do with my soul feeling like it was drifting away the longer I remained in a career I didn’t enjoy. I did enjoy the people I worked with, but not the type of work or the cultures of hyper growth and daily extreme competition to perform. Stating this was a grind would be a complete understatement. What was worse was that I felt that I was losing the essence of who I was as a thriving and happy person by remaining in my former profession, and the day came when I had to do something about this.

When I finally reached the day I could no longer remain on the path I had been on, I thought about the aspects of what I did enjoy doing. My list included some amazing ones for me to pursue, but this is where not having a blueprint came into play. I also had to factor in could I in fact make a living doing exactly what I wanted to pursue? This wasn’t clear at the time, as I was in an unchartered territory with limited information to support knowing this. The reality was also that I would be entering into the entrepreneurship realm, and there was plenty of information to support learning how to become one, but certainly no guarantees of success. Contributing to this was the fact that I still had family responsibilities that I would have to figure out how I was going to be able to continue supporting when my income was going to be unknown. The good news is that I was able to sort this out, but I had not considered how I was going to have to spend a large majority of my time with a sales hat on. Fortunately, my marketing career had exposed me to many successful salespeople, so I was indirectly learning from them for decades, and was now able to put what I had learned into practice. Was this easy to do? Absolutely not, and I have talked many aspiring entrepreneurs out of pursuing this path for this reason alone.

If you are contemplating making a career move into an unchartered industry or area, here are some suggestions to help you think moving forward a reality, or to realize it’s just a pipedream.

  • Having a heightened awareness of your talents is going to be imperative. Make sure you know yourself well enough to know what you will be able to do well or must partner with someone on.
  • Not everyone is comfortable with being adaptable, so consider what your tolerance level is for this.
  • The unknown can be both simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. Are you willing to experience this on a regular basis?
  • How open minded are you to trying and failing? Perhaps repeatedly for a period of time until you sort out what does and doesn’t work?
  • Set a time length for how long you can comfortably remain on course without a blueprint, and factor in what financial or other types of support you will need during this time.
  • Are you willing to risk not ending up where you think you expect to be in “x” time?
  • Are you willing to try your patience and test your persistence levels that will be potentially uncomfortable as you are growing and moving forward without a blueprint?

Had I known that not having a blueprint would provide me with the leadership and professional opportunities I have experienced over the last seven years, I probably wouldn’t have thought they were possible. To some extent, the single contributing factor which has served me well has been my core belief in myself to attain whatever I set out to pursue. So far, so good, and I can’t wait to experience and see what the road ahead looks like.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Motivation #Strategy #Personaldevelopment #Entrepreneur #Entreprenurship #Business #Confidence #Teams #Teamdynamics #Coach #Sportscoach

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It’s not about you. It’s all about them.

I’m going to be blatantly honest with you related to a conversation I had with one of my sports coaches last week. The conversation was about one of the captains, and what he shared with me was really upsetting. Why? Because whether this captain realized it or not, he was acting incredibly selfishly. What was worse was that he was acting as if his performance alone was going to sway the outcome of their game today. It might, but in the opposite direction he is anticipating.

What did this captain do to exhibit selfish characteristics? For one, he decided he knew better than his coaches, trainers and his teammates and suited up to practice when he should have been resting on the sidelines in preparation for today’s game. When I saw him out on the practice field, I could tell that he was only performing at about 75 percent of his capabilities. Did he think others didn’t notice? Did he realize he was making his injury worse by being out there? Both good questions, but the reality is that he seemingly didn’t care, which is the ultimate in being selfish, and certainly not something a leader should be modeling.

Instead of talking to this athlete, I chose to see how today’s game plays out, and to leverage the opportunity next week to set the stage for a lesson in leadership he doesn’t seem coming his way. I’m really looking forward to having this conversation. Not only because of the learning opportunity that can be leveraged, but to have this leader understand from an entirely different perspective how his actions were going to negatively impact both him, and the rest of his team.

For context, this captain likely has never seen any bench time. He is well liked and more importantly respected by his team, but the decision he made to override the professional opinions of those that support him and to play when he should be on the bench, isn’t the experience anyone is going to enjoy seeing play out. Fortunately, the weather “fairies” are playing in this captain’s favor and there will be a limited amount of people who see what will be transpiring today. Next week he won’t have this good fortune, so that’s when the proverbial “wake-up call” is going to kick in.

Let’s take a step back for a moment and consider the factors that would contribute to a leader thinking that the entire team’s performance is reliant upon them. Being overly confident and perhaps unrealistic are several contributing factors, but so is the person’s lack or underdeveloped awareness of both themselves and the reality of their circumstances. In other words, not having peripheral vision of the “big picture” and the outcome based on their flawed thought process. Sometimes a person’s maturity level, or lack of leadership skills will also be contributing factors to decisions they make. One’s that in the past may not have impacted others when they were in an individual contributor role, and not a leadership role. When you are an individual contributor, you have more leeway to make decisions that are oriented around having a limited impact, but when you step into a leadership role, you need to now factor in thinking about how your decisions and actions are seriously going to impact others.

Thinking about and putting others first isn’t a skill that is developed overnight. However, modeling leadership behavior always is critical to the development of newly minted leaders. They will make mistakes, even if they have had nearly perfect role models, and it will be the mistakes they make that will impact their ability to become a stronger leader. Or not, if they don’t take time to reflect upon their mistakes and figure out how to course correct on them. This isn’t always easy to do, and it’s truly a “team sport” concept that needs to be embraced from the perspective of being able to comfortably rely upon others that have more experience than you do. It will take both faith and trust to do this, and it won’t happen overnight.

As I’m crafting this week’s story for you, I’m thinking about how I will also be able to leverage it as a tool for the captain. So, with this captain being my muse this week and providing me with a topic I feel is critically important for leaders to get right, below are some suggestions on how to make sure you recognize behaviors that are unfavorable as a leader. More importantly, to have some ideas for you to consider test driving to increase your leadership abilities if you still think it’s all about you, and not them.

  • Look around the next time you are with the team you lead. Consider how hard all of them are working, and how much they depend on you to make good decisions. Don’t let them down but making selfish decisions which will negatively affect you and them.
  • You are always being watched. Never forget this, so exhibit behavior that would be favorable if you were to watch a playback on how you were leading others on any given day.
  • Get comfortable with asking for advice, and don’t ever think you have everything figured out.
  • Continue to invest in yourself to learn more about who you truly are, to take your awareness of who you are to the next level, and in doing so appreciating that knowing yourself better will contribute to being a better person and leader.
  • Practice putting your team’s needs into greater focus. Ask your team questions and really listen to what they are sharing with you. More importantly what they might not be telling you, yet you expected them to be doing so.
  • What is your trust level or how would you rate yourself in terms of whether you are a leader who others can 100% count on and trust? If you are not at 100%, there is plenty of room for opportunity to bring it up to this level. Just ask someone who was on a Championship team what their trust level was for their leader or their teammates.

Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and face the fact you might not be at the level of truly acknowledging and demonstrating as a leader that it’s not about you, it’s all about them is a place to strive to get to. When you can maintain being there, that is when you will start to see “magic” outcomes for your team. I’m sure anyone with even a minor competitive or achievement bent will agree with this.

TAGS: #Leadership #Sportscoaches #Teams  #Teamdynamics #Positiveimpact #Business #Motivation #Communication #Thoughtleadership #Dealingwithadversity #Awareness #Selfawareness #Competition #Winning #Achievement #Achiever #Leader #Leaders #Performance #Management