Category: #Marketing

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How to thrive after a disappointment.

How amazing would it be to never have to handle experiencing a disappointment? It could be great! However, when I think about the times I have experienced being on the receiving end of information I wanted to be different, I can tell you the unanticipated outcome has generally turned out better than I anticipated it would have. Does this have to do with my attitude? Sure, it does. Yet this is only one of the dimensions which contribute to the initial disappointment turning into a better situation.

I don’t know about you, but I have never met a perfect person. Although sarcastically we know people who claim to either be close to perfect, even these individuals have been known to have experienced at least one major disappointment in their lives. They may not admit this, but if you asked them enough questions, you would ultimately determine there was a point in their past where a major disappointment contributed to who and where they are today in their lives, or professionally.

In my experience, people who take more risks and push themselves to higher levels of achievements will typically be the ones who are regularly experiencing hearing outcomes they would have preferred to be different. However, they continue to strive to seek a different outcome. If they are an athlete, they do this in a simplistic explanation by training and eating differently and are more strategic about how they work towards altering their performance metrics. They also seek guidance from people who have had success, or via experts in areas they can benefit from.

Businesspeople will take a similar approach to athletes in terms of modifying their performance outcomes to be more ideally suited towards their goals, and to minimize their performance metrics being disappointing to them. Or, to the people on their team who are counting on them to succeed. Independent of what type of career or industry you are in, I’m certain you can think of a time when you were on the receiving end of news you wanted to be different. Perhaps you had to deliver less than desirable news to someone you lead? No one wants to be in either of these positions, but it is a reality, and they will occur. Even when it appears you have a fool-proof plan to prevent it from happening.

I was reading a quote from Ray Kroc the founder of McDonald’s hamburger chain, and it struck me as being simplistically brilliant. Paraphrasing the quote, he said “a person is either green and growing, or ripe and rotting”. I’m sure you would want to be known as someone who is represented by the first part of this quote, but if you are in the latter part, your share of disappointments might be due to the fact you have become stagnant? Yes, being green and growing as an analogy can certainly contribute to experiencing disappointments, but I’m of the opinion I would rather be growing, and if part of the growth equation includes disappointments, as I know for a fact, I will learn from them. More so from the disappointments I might experience if I’m on the “ripe side” and rotting. Why? Because you know when you are “ripe and rotting”, and if you remain on the green and growth side, you can continue to learn and experience the opportunities which will come from your growth. I want to emphasize this is also independent of which decade in life you are in. Potentially it’s even more important to have a growth mindset as your decades add up, as we want to keep our brains sharp, and not succumb to thinking we don’t need to learn anything new because we are too old to do so.

In considering whether there is an ideal way to handle either experiencing a disappointment, or perhaps disappointing someone else, below are some suggestions you can consider or share with someone else who might need them. Especially if they are a leader or sports coach who are on a regular basis contending with having to handle the aspects associated with the concept of disappointment.

  • Keeping negative news directed towards you in perspective can take practice. It can be hard to hear, but intently listening to what is being said can provide you with valuable clues which you can benefit from, especially when you take time to process hearing the information.
  • Sometimes we can prepare and brace for hearing less than desirable news. However, consider if there was anything you could have done to make this news a self-fulfilling prophecy? Unfortunately, there are times when we will self-sabotage a situation, so hearing the news shouldn’t be too surprising. The takeaway is going back and considering the “why” did you self-sabotage the scenario?
  • There are very few circumstances we can’t learn something from. This includes being on the receiving end of the news you would rather not hear. The trick is to commit to practicing having a growth mindset, as this will contribute to how well or poorly you will handle experiencing the negative information you are receiving.
  • When you are hearing disappointing news, are you quick to blame someone else and are immediately defensive towards the bearer of the news? Sure, it’s possible another person or others contributed to what you are hearing, but factor in the “why” are you the one who is hearing this news independently? Perhaps hearing this news in this manner might be favorable to you. Why? Because you will have an opportunity to privately come up with a plan on how to leverage this information in a favorable way, potentially with the person who is sharing the news with you.
  • When someone disappoints another person, it might not on face value be what they consciously meant to do. Consider they may have done so as a cry for help, or potentially for attention they have not been able to garner via other attempted methods. It’s also possible the person on the receiving end feels worse than the news bearer, and their act of disappointing you is going to cause more mental angst than any action you can apply to prevent this circumstance from occurring again.
  • Factor in that when you are on the receiving end of disappointing news, that this is a moment in time. Circumstances can change, time will fade and heal your mental wounds eventually, and that you are not defined exclusively by what you are hearing. You can change and grow from the news you are hearing at any point in your life. Believing this is key and grant yourself permission to allow this to be potentially a new way of thinking which you will benefit from.

One of my colleagues in the past used to say in situations that warranted either bravery or a different perspective to “put on your big girl pants”. Anytime I personally come across a disappointing scenario, both this and Ray Kroc’s previously mentioned quote pops into my mind and allows me to remain optimistic. Although none of us wants to experience disappointment, there are upsides to this concept, you simply must be willing to look for and appreciate what they are.

TAGS: #Leadership #Management #Sales #Leader #Salesleader #Sales #Sportscoach #Sports #Motivation #Awareness #Positivity #Development #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Disappointment #Tipsondealingwithdisappointment

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The impact of when you are late.

This may not come as a surprise to people who know me, but there are not many things that bother me, but one of them is when people are late. I was taught that unless you are at least five minutes early to a time commitment, you are late. This was further supported as a concept when I began playing sports, as there were consequences if you were not on time. Ones I didn’t want to experience, so this positively reinforced my commitment to being early. 

When I began my corporate career, I was almost always the first one to the office. Perhaps because I liked the cadence of starting the day on my own terms, and the quiet and peaceful nature when you are the only one in a location. Being early also gave me time to be reflective, and to also plan my day strategically versus having others fully commanding my schedule. Yes, some of my schedule was driven by others who needed my participation in meetings, or to provide them with leadership support, but the concept of being early to the office launched my day well and I felt much more productive. 

Time management as a concept appears to be straight forward, and one of the aspects of it involves being on time. So, why do many people appear to be challenged with time management? Is it that they were not taught how to plan and maximize their time? Or perhaps it is because they are not aware of how long certain projects or commitments will realistically take, so this causes them to be late. Potentially some people are simply unaware of time. Which makes them come across to others as being cavalier and carefree about how they go about their day. Yes, this may be a choice, but a choice which will in my opinion be disrespectful of other people’s time. 

We always have a choice when it comes to making decisions, and this includes the decision about whether you prefer to be known as someone who is on time, or always late. For those of you who are consistently late, I’m curious about what you are thinking. Are you aware of how being late impacts other people? Do you realize the effort they put into and the respect they have for your time, resulting in them being on time? Do you care about the impact you have on another person or a group of people when you are late? Has anyone ever called you out on this? If they did, what impact did it have on you, and did you consider the reasons why you are consistently late? 

Let’s look at being late from a different perspective. If you were meeting with someone you deemed to be very important, or if you were going to be given a large sum of money or something else enticing to you, would you be late? Probably not, but what if there was a consequence to being late in these scenarios? The important person becomes unavailable to meet with you, and the money or enticing thing is no longer available to you. How would you react in either of these scenarios? Are several hypothetical, but potentially probable examples going to impact your time management, or address your consistent lateness? Not likely, so what will? 

If you are a leader a sports coach or know someone who is consistently late and you want to help them to address this matter, below are some suggestions you can pass along to them for consideration. Potentially eye-opening ones in terms of recognizing how their lateness is viewed by others, and the negative impact it has on them and others. 

  • From a manner’s perspective, being late is rude.
  • Being late is disrespectful of other people and indirectly signals you do not value their time as much as you value your own time. 
  • Consider why you are consistently late? What can you do to alter this behavior?
  • If you are consistently late, does it matter to you the perception others have of you for being this way? Hint: It’s not favorable. In fact, it could cost you from being promoted and considered for leadership opportunities.
  • Challenge yourself to be more aware of how you are investing your time, and how you are scheduling your day. 
  • Being late is a bad habit. What can you do to change this behavior? The first thing is to acknowledge this is an issue. 
  • For meetings, schedule them with a 10-15 minute buffer in time so you be early or on time to your next meeting. 
  • Many highly successful people are either early or on time to their commitments.
  • Practice being on time. Even better, being early to all, yes, all of your time commitments. 
  • See if people notice when you are on time, or early, and what the impact this has on both you and them. I promise you it will be more favorable. 

Being respectful of both your own time and others may seem like a small matter, but when you don’t it sends negative signals to others and will seriously negatively impact the perception others have of you and your “brand”. If your reputation and image is even minorly important to you, and if you want to show respect for others and their time and the value they have in your life, please be either early or on time. I know you can do this, and others you interact with will look forward to seeing the positive impact this will have on you. 

TAGS:  #Leadership #Leader #Sportscoach #Business #Management #Respect #Successtips #Awareness #Timemanagement #Teams #Teamdynamics #Strategy #Motivation

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Gray areas of communication. What are they?

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone where you have a sense they are listening, but not paying attention to what you are saying? Perhaps you have been on the other side of this scenario? This is a common communication challenge we too often experience. One of the reasons is because actively listening takes practice. Another reason this occurs is due to the method in which the information is being presented.  In other words, not in a compelling manner.

Out of respect for the person who is talking, most people will exhibit signs they are listening. However, if you were to ask them to playback what they heard you say, this is when you will be able to determine if they were listening. I always find it interesting in this scenario to hear how someone interpreted what you had to say. Sometimes their interpretation is far different than you thought you were conveying. This is one of the challenges many people face when they think they are communicating effectively, but they are not.

Impactful leaders and sports coaches are interesting to listen to because they have mastered the ability to remove the gray zones when they are communicating with others. Perhaps not one hundred percent of the time, but their ability of having mastered how they convey their information to others serves as a strong role model. When these role models are in short supply, it makes it more difficult to learn how you can communicate more impactfully.

Have you ever noticed that some people when you engage them in conversation with you will listen, but not ask you any questions back? In fact, I challenge you to test this scenario out. What I would like you to test out is to see how long you can have a conversation with someone where either you are doing all the talking, or they are, and in this situation if they are the talker, how they may not allow you to contribute to the conversation. Yes, this is classically an unbalanced conversation, yet, if you were to ask the “talker” later that day whether they thought their conversation was effective, they will likely think it was.

When someone is doing all the talking and doesn’t allow the other person to equally contribute, this imbalance is another example of what contributes to having a gray area of conversation. A conversation where only one of the participants thinks they were communicating effectively. I’m sure you have potentially been a participant in this type of conversation, but perhaps you didn’t consider it was contributing to poor communication conditions.

One of the most amazing factors about having gray areas of communication is that with minor adjustments, they can be taken to a much higher level of being able to communicate effectively. The challenge is that the person who doesn’t realize they need to make these adjustments will not do so without someone calling this to their attention. Attempting to do this is a bit of a delicate dance and will require experience of having done this before. The person who is delivering this information also needs to be both aware of the approach that will work to accomplish this, as well as being prepared to have the person they are sharing this information with being defensive about hearing what is being conveyed. Focusing on having the conversation be highly constructive is going to offer the best method, with the intent of not having the person you are sharing this information with feeling like they are being attacked.

Offering constructive feedback, especially when someone isn’t aware they need it has a couple of option results. One of them is that the person will not immediately benefit from the conversation, as they may require time to process what they are hearing. A second path results in what I will refer to as “a wakeup call”, and it will almost physically jolt the person into a heightened state of paying attention. More importantly, being able to fully listen, digest and then apply the information being shared with them to their benefit.

If you or someone you know is looking to improve your communication level, and to get out of being someone classified as a “gray zone” communicator, here are some suggestions you can apply to help you increase your communication level of effectiveness.

  • Can you realistically be open-minded to the hearing there are ways to improve your communication ability? Hint: You will need to do this this to have a chance to do so.
  • On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how would you rate yourself in terms of being influential with your conversations? If you are less than an 8, the good news is that there are significant options for how you can increase this number.
  • One way to increase both your communication level and your ability to effectively influence others with your communication is to consider first what the end goal of your conversation is. Stating this upfront in your conversation will help the listener to understand the context of what you will be discussing. Now it’s up to you to craft an appealing set of reasons why the person should listen to what you must convey.
  • Consider listening to some YouTube videos on people who are debating a topic. Although they are intending to win the debate, you will gain valuable techniques they are applying to impactfully convey their side of the scenario.
  • Are you aware of your communication style? Perhaps you haven’t considered this before, yet you should do so, if you are interested in increasing your ability to converse with others more effectively.
  • To decrease the risk of having your conversations fall into the gray area, apply the journalism 5 W’s and 1 H technique. This will help to make sure you are conveying these important elements into your conversation which will increase the clarity of what you are trying to express. They are: Who, What, When, Where, Why and How.  
  • Test out your current communication style in different scenarios and applications such as one-one-one conversations, team communications and both verbal and written formats too. Ask for authentic and constructive feedback post these scenarios and be sure not to act defensively when you are hearing what others are sharing with you.

I find it hard to imagine that anyone wouldn’t want to increase their opportunity to communicate more effectively, as the benefits of doing so are unlimited. My hope is that you will aspire to do so, and that you will begin to see positive results when you reach a new level of being able to get out of the gray zone area of communication.

TAGS: #Communication #Effectivecommunication #Communicationtips #Business #Leadership #Leaders #Sportscoach #Strategy #Influence #Teamdynamics #Teams

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Are you anticipating versus being reactive?

I’ll never forget the time when I was witnessing a medical scenario and I watched the medical team respond to a situation which they appeared to be anticipating what their next steps would need to be. This was clearly achieved from having years of experience with either the same variables, or very similar ones. Watching them perform with ease and complete coordination was impressive, and the scenario was literally a life-or-death situation, and yes, they saved the person’s life.

Most people are not in life of death situations, and I would always express and remind people of this when they began to exhibit signs of going into either a panic, or reactive mode. When someone is going into being reactive in a situation, there is an opportunity to respond differently. However, it will take having an awareness of a few different factors. One of the factors is time. If you can slow down your immediate reaction and pause to think about what your options are, this will help to set you up to have more than one reaction choice. The more you do this, will also train you to think more strategically, and ideally, to respond in a way which results in a better outcome.

The second factor is confidence. When we are not confident about our decisions or the experience we can apply, we tend to under value and perhaps dismiss what our gut instinct response should be. A response that is both based on a survival instinct, and depending on the scenario, a sprinkle of including previous experience which resulted in a favorable conclusion.  

Certainly, when we are early in our careers or working our way up to the highest level of being on a sports team, there is typically a pattern or track we would be expected to follow to proceed forward. Some people are gifted with talent or knowledge they have attained earlier than others, and which will serve to fast track them. However, even with their advantages, they will still encounter occurrences when they will be faced with whether they can anticipate versus being reactive. Perhaps not as often as others with less experience or talent, but they will occasionally be in this scenario, and this is perfectly acceptable.

Depending on your outlook and approach to handling situations, you may be the type of person that looks at things not going well purely as a hassle. Not as an opportunity to consider how you can learn from it. Or, potentially have it result in a better outcome had the situation not initially been going in a less ideal way. I believe outlook and attitude are closely linked, and if you tend to be the type of person that is less inclined to anticipate a positive outcome, in my experience, the outcome isn’t as desirable. Of course, you might be surprised when it is, but this isn’t the norm.

If you find yourself leading others who are more often in a reactive versus anticipatory state, below are some examples of how you can help them to start working towards handling situations much more fluidly, with ease and better outcomes. Both for themselves, and the others who will be positively impacted from this new way of responding to matters they need to handle.

  • This won’t apply to every situation but doing a post-mortem on a situation that didn’t have a positive outcome or could have been handled better is always a great method which incorporates both a teaching and non-accusatory management approach.
  • Not every scenario can be practiced, but there are plenty which can be. Make sure you are putting in enough time to practicing and determining a variety of options of how you could better anticipate versus being reactive in that scenario.
  • You hear people in highly charged situations asking people to remain calm. Although not all situations are highly charged, you can borrow from this method and be intentionally focused on first calming yourself down, and then allowing yourself and your mind to have greater clarity on deciding and being more anticipatory about the next steps.
  • Yes, there may be an ideal way of responding or anticipating a better outcome, but if you can also factor in applying common sense, the result will be more desirable.
  • Doing this isn’t easy but do your best to quickly assess and think about what you want the result of the situation you are reacting to will be.
  • How you react, and whether you are an anticipatory or a reactive person is something others notice. If this matters to you, by choosing which category you are in is the first step towards switching categories. Hint: Most leaders fall into the anticipatory category.

Eventually with experience people if they are intentional about wanting to be in the category of being more anticipatory versus a reactive person will get there, but this will take time and experience for you to get there. If you are intentional about having this be your focus, I am confident you will achieve this attainment.

TAGS: #Business #Leadership #Communication #Management #Leader #Sports #Sportscoach #Teams #Confidence #Businesstips

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Are you unknowingly disappointing others?

If you have been the recipient of ever hearing “I’m disappointed …” in any given situation, these few words can be worse than many other detrimental outcomes or experiences a person can have. Especially when the person hearing this news is being led by another. Or perhaps if they felt like they were caught off guard by this information.

Even if someone expects to hear they have disappointed someone, it can really sting, and hearing these words themselves can be worse than any repercussions that might ensue. Typically for this sentiment to be expressed, the message being conveyed shouldn’t be a surprise, but when it is, there are other unfortunate factors contributing to this reality. One of them has to do with the recipient being either inexperienced, or potentially not being given the initial support required to avoid this message being delivered.

Another leading cause to hearing you have disappointed someone is the fact you may be unaware of either how your performance isn’t meeting the requirements of your leader or Sports Coach. Or your perception is disconnected from the reality of how others are perceiving your expected performance output. Being unaware doesn’t give you a pass or excuse from how or why you have disappointed someone, but it does give you and the person you heard this from a place to begin your next conversation.

The conversation you would be having will likely entail a timeline of the circumstances which led up to hearing about you disappointing someone. It should also include discussing whether your performance outcome was clearly understood. For instance, in a sales contract scenario this would be called an “upfront contract”. Also included in this conversation should be what led to having you derail from tracking towards having a successful outcome? There may have been multiple contributors, but both parties knowing this can also add to better understanding why there wasn’t a checkpoint to catch this derailment earlier?

As many of us have painfully experienced at some point in our leadership careers, we may have assumed what we thought was clearly understood and expected from someone or a team we are leading, but it wasn’t. Either the information relating to what was expected was unclear, or the person or team didn’t ask enough questions to have the outcome be clear. In either of these instances, both sides are at fault. Especially the leader if they didn’t do their part of properly overseeing the person or team along the course of either a project or seasonal outcome.

We can appreciate that taking a hands-off approach is certainly a type of leadership style. However, there should be some well understood rules of engagement for this management style to work well. It is also the responsibility of the leader to potentially adjust this style if at some point it appears not to be effective. The adjustment doesn’t have to be a severe one, but it should be reflective of how well the person or team they are leading is responding to this style.

Many people will tell you that hearing or learning about the fact they have disappointed someone can be crushing to hear this emotionally. When they hear, learn about, or read about the fact they have done this, the next steps in this scenario are critical for both the leader and recipients. Especially if both parties are interested in changing the direction they are currently heading. Depending on the severity of the disappointment will influence whether there will be potential to change the future opportunities which may or may not be granted.

Taking an optimistic approach to a scenario where a person or team disappointed their leader or sports coach, it will be imperative for both parties to accept the fact they will need to hit the imaginary “reset button”. In other words, to give a clear restarting point. A place of neutrality and a realistic expectation that the “disappointment” can be turned around. I’m not suggesting this is going to be easy, as the element of trust was likely damaged due to this outcome. However, also taking the approach that there are plenty of circumstances for people to make mistakes and to be forgiven for doing so, and given another chance will need to be part of having a potentially better outcome.

If you are wondering where to start after you and the person or team has hit the “reset button”, below are some suggestions for you to consider.

  • After you have identified the point or points when the derailment caused the disappointment, come up with a plan which will both better support and prevent this from reoccurring.
  • Agree to having more open and honest conversations about expected outcomes. Any areas which are even slightly “grey” should be brought into the black and white clarity area.
  • Having regular times to communicate formally committed to on a schedule will be required for an agreed upon period, or it might need to become part of the “system” you craft to set others up for success as a leader or sports coach.
  • Being consistent in all areas of how people work together should be agreed to, and they should all be reasonably attainable and not put in place to be punitive.
  • Are there other people who should have been part of the success of the situation, team or person that caused the disappointment? If so, what will it take to reasonably include them in your “revised” success plan?
  • Factor in whether you need to toggle between being both a leader/sports coach and mentor to “course correct”? This will likely be required, particularly if the person or team was unaware of how they caused or contributed to the disappointing situation initially occurring.

When someone is unknowingly disappointing others, they may not be fully at fault for doing so. Then again, they might be. In either scenario, there is always an opportunity to learn and benefit from the professional growth that will occur from addressing what happened. Make sure you are also mentally in a strong place to support this growth for those you are leading when you need to embark upon this journey.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Business #Sports #Success #Professionaldevelopment #Leadershipdevelopment #Strategy #Teamdynamics #Coach #Sportscoach #Teams