Category: #Careeradvice

Posted on

Don’t let others define who you are.

I remember hearing when I was very young people telling me to be myself. However, they didn’t define what this meant, and I was too young to consider asking them to explain what they meant. Since I realized that hearing this statement seemed to be a reoccurring one, at some point, I believe I internalized and came up with my own definition of what this meant.

For context, my family includes a number of creative people. Even and inventor. By observing various family members, and appreciating the talents they had, and how they appeared to be comfortable with them, they were appreciably strong role models. Seeing them embrace what they were good at, even if others didn’t fully understand what they were doing.

One of my earliest memories of applying the concept of authentically being myself was when I was old enough to pick out my own clothes to wear. This seems simple enough, yet what I was surprised by was the reaction I got from people when I first started doing this. The reason I was surprised, had to do with the fact I was putting colors and patterns together that were not traditionally combined. At least at that point in time. I saw no issue in doing this, and in fact, I enjoyed both the challenge and fun it was to do this. I realize now that I was intrigued by other people thinking that what I was doing was different.

When I became aware that doing something different than what others were doing was ok to do, is when I began to embrace and develop a confidence in myself that had not been there before. I was too young to have any appreciable hobbies at that time, but I intuitively realized what I was doing was something I could build upon. I would draw an analogy to this of developing an early foundation of defining who I would evolve into as a person.

Upon being retrospective on this topic, I realize that I could have gone in a completely different direction in terms of having others define who I am, or would become. I also realized that I had an early awareness of the fact I was fully in charge of how I could and wanted to define myself as an individual. More importantly, not to let others do this in any way. This thinking has served me extraordinarily well, as it has allowed me to authentically be myself in both personal and professional scenarios. More importantly without having to craft different personas. Something which I have observed many others doing.

Speaking of different personas, one of my observations about why some people struggle with not being able to embrace who they are, is because they give too much value to what others have to say or think about them. A good question to ask yourself or someone who might find themselves in this situation, is to have them explain why they do this. It’s possible they are not aware of the fact they have let others define who they are, or should be, as it can actually be easier in some ways to do this. Why? Because you don’t have to commit to figuring out who you truly are. Or, you can simply take on the characteristics or qualities others who have influenced your thinking, that you should act a certain way. From my perspective, this sounds exhausting, yet surprisingly, many people are unaware of the fact they have done this.

So, if you aspire to be authentically who you are, what are some techniques you can apply to do this? I’m anticipating you might want to know this, and I’ve got some suggestions for you below.

  • If you don’t believe you are authentically yourself, who do you want to be?
  • If you were to “design” or “architect” exactly who you think you want to be, what would be the characteristic elements involved with crafting this person include?
  • Consider your base personality, and the essence of at your core who you are. Are you truly leveraging it to the fullest? Or, would you say there are reasons you are not doing so based on the influence of others?
  • Are there people or circumstances in your life which are contributing to not allowing you to be who you truly are, or aspire to be?
  • What or who can help you to change your circumstances that are preventing you from allowing you to define who you want to be? There are always multiple options and solutions, so don’t allow excuses of not having options or people to help you to stand in the way.
  • What it is going to take to allow you to believe you deserve to authentically be who you are? Let’s start with looking in the mirror, as chances are it’s you who are holding yourself hostage to this type of preventative thinking.
  • Factor in how different and more enjoyable your life will be when you stop allowing others to define who you are, and you finally embrace your authenticity. Seriously, this can happen, even if it is in incremental steps and takes longer than you think it should.
  • Finally, imagine what it will feel like when you can truly be who you are…every single day, and in every single situation in your personal and professional life.

Individuality and expressing who you are shouldn’t be reserved for only some people, and conformity shouldn’t be the norm that everyone has to subscribe to. I love the statement of “just be yourself because everyone else is taken”. Let’s see what you can do, or if you can help someone else who isn’t authentically themselves yet. Taking on this challenge will be so worth it!

TAGS: #Confidence #Selfawareness #Selfaware #Authenticity #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Motivation #Helpingothers #Teamdynamics #Leadership #Business

Copyright Market Me Too.

Posted on

What ignites you? 10 Tips on why you must know this.

I just finished watching one of my sports teams come out at the beginning of their game looking like the win was a sure thing. Then the second quarter started, and the team’s performance continued to plummet. Unfortunately, all the way to the end of the game. What happened? From my vantage point, the most obvious challenge was that they began playing together as a team, then resorted to playing as individual participants. Unfortunately, this is never a winning recipe when that happens.

Since I wasn’t physically at the game, I didn’t have the advantage of being able to fully appreciate all of the team dynamics which were occurring. However, I could take an educated guess, but it wouldn’t change the outcome after the fact of what was happening real time. So, was there something which could have been done to have changed the trajectory of the game outcome? Absolutely, and I have some more work to do with this team based on this reality.

You might surmise that I would be upset with the team’s performance outcome. I’m not, as the final score is not reflective of the actual attempts to have made this a competitive game. It was for the first period, and then the challenges of not being able to re-ignite the team set in. The momentum shifted and remained in favor of the opponent, and my team wasn’t able to overcome the powerful momentum their opponent had built up. Could they have changed the momentum? Yes, and that’s where the real story begins.

As I continued to watch the game, it felt as if I was watching a different sport. One where the objective wasn’t to set up their team members up for success, but to individually attempt to change their team dynamics. News flash. When this occurs, this rarely results in the outcome a team is looking for. In fact, it’s as if they go into “panic mode”, and disengage from the reality that they are playing a team sport. Yes, this is frustrating to watch, and it isn’t fun for anyone on the team to experience either.

When the trajectory of a team’s dynamics is shifting away from its favor during a game, or in any competitive situation (e.g., on a sales team), there is something which can be done to course correct this. It involves knowing and understanding each of the team members very well, and in fact, what personally and collectively ignites and motivates them. When this information isn’t understood, or applied, this is when opportunities to win or seek the performance level metrics you are trying to attain begins to evaporate.

However, when you can tap into and apply and appeal to both the individuals and the collective team, this is where you can turn a situation around to be in your favor. Yes, you can also keep this going, even when the odds appear to be stacked against you. I can credibly say this, as I’ve seen this happen more times in my career than I would have imagined was actually possible.

What is the second element which needs to be tapped into to ignite and change up a team’s performance? It’s a six-letter word, and an extremely powerful one. It’s “belief” in themselves, their team members, and the fact they can do what many others would deem to be impossible.

When a united team believes something is possible, this is where the “magic” can be the spark which ignites their minds and bodies to perform at an entirely different level. You know when you see this occur, and as an analogy, it’s similar to when the weather pattern suddenly shifts without warning. Remaining on the weather analogy, the team which is in need of being turned around experiences a tremendous burst of energy. One which is sustainable, and almost impossible for the opponents to get back control of. Similar to a momentum shift which is difficult to change.

If you are looking for ways to understand what ignites you, the team you lead or are on, I have some suggestions for you to consider applying.

  • Does your team have an agreed upon motivational accelerator?
  • Can you articulate what your true motivational accelerators are?
  • If you or your team does not know what your motivational factors are, take some time to figure out what they are, and write them down.
  • If you or your team need help with determining your motivational factors, ask someone who knows you or the team well. Have them share what they think they might be, or have an open-minded conversation with them and brainstorm on coming up with what they are.
  • The majority of people who are competitively oriented are typically fueled by wanting to win. However, what if you are on a team, and this isn’t a motivating factor for you? Will your lack of competitive spirit impact your or your team members performance? Not necessarily, it’s just that you will be motivated differently to either win, or attain the performance metrics you are focused on. Hint, determine what they are, and let others know this too.
  • For those of you who are achievement oriented, and the good news is that this is the number one trait for most team members. Now, factor in what aspects about achievement can serve to fuel you to either a successful outcome, or to help change your or your team’s performance momentum and trajectory.
  • Are you motivated by internal or external factors? You will need to know this, and so will your coach/leader and team members. Identify what those factors are, and make sure they can be applied in your favor.
  • How easily do you give up? Be honest with yourself. If you are on a team and they need you to commit to 100% believing in achieving sometimes what would seem impossible, what is it going to take to get you to attain this mindset? Perhaps you start with yourself. Then ask yourself if you truly trust that you will do everything you can humanly do to be the best team member you can be. Both from a performance and support perspective.
  • How would you rate your attitude? Especially in times of distress. Does your attitude become one which you are not proud of? What can you do to maintain your positive attitude, or who can help you to do this if you struggle to accomplish this?
  • If you are not fully able to appreciate what your own innate talents are, then how can you fully leverage them for your own benefit, let alone your teams? This is a rhetorical question, so begin with finding out what they are, and then begin applying them for a solid starting point.
  • Let’s assume you know what your talents are, that you are applying them, but others are not appreciating them. Ask to have a conversation with the person or people who fall into this category, and look to resolve this by having the goal of fully understanding and appreciating the talents you each bring to the team.

Emotionally, a loss of any kind is difficult. The good news is that you can learn a great deal from a loss. So, the take away from this should be to objectively debrief together on where the opportunities are to leverage this information to help you, and or, the team you lead. Doing this will develop the foundation you need to change the momentum and trajectory in your favor the next time you need to apply this “play” or strategic move. Chin up team! I believe in you. Now you need to do and show the rest of us you believe in yourself.

TAGS:  #Teams #Coach #Sportscoach #Leader #Leadership #Inspiration #Motivation #Talent #Talentdevelopment #Winning #Howtowin #Howtochangemomentum

Copyright Market Me Too.

Posted on

Tips on asking for what you want. Pets successfully do this every day.

I get it. It can be intimidating to always ask for what you want. Does it have to be this way? No. As a matter of fact, let’s add asking for what you “really” want to the list of things that the concept of mindset can help you with. In full disclosure, I’m not a mindset expert, but the concept is simple enough to embrace and make it work in your favor.

If you have a pet, or have experienced being around one, you have witnessed them generally getting what they want. The thing that is more remarkable about this is that they don’t have the same advantage that you do, as you can talk, and obviously they can’t. So, given the fact you have a tremendous advantage of being able to express verbally to others what you want, shouldn’t this make it easier for you to do so?

Yes, having the advantage of being able to verbally communicate with others what you want should put you in a position to have this occur, but the reality is, it doesn’t for many people.

One of the factors contributing to people not asking for what they want is their confidence level. When someone’s confidence level is higher, it is easier for them to ask for what they want. Generally, because they are not afraid of the answer not being in their favor. However, you know the old adage of “you can’t get what you don’t ask for”. If you like thinking about statistics, in the case of asking for what you want, there is a chance that fifty percent of the time you will get what you ask for. Not bad, from an odds perspective.

Perhaps you would like your odds of asking what you want to be higher than fifty percent? Sure, why wouldn’t you? Especially if you are seriously committed to asking for, and getting what you ask for.

Let’s consider a real scenario of someone. Perhaps someone in a sales role. They are a great example, because they professionally practice asking for what they want. If you were to ask them is it easy for them to do their job, most of them would say that it isn’t. However, the rewards will often outweigh the downsides in their profession. So, they press on and either strategically figure out how to get what they want, or move on to a different scenario where they will.

Another approach a sales professional would take is to circle back at a different time, and to ask for what they want under different circumstances. In this case, timing and perhaps a different communication pitch was altered to be more appealing, or the solution they were offering made more sense. The bottom line is that they continued to ask for what they wanted, even though there was no guarantee their result would be different.

Preparation, persistence and consistency are three other factors which contributes to getting what you want. Sometimes you will need to prepare differently to approach going after what you want. A great example of this would be an athlete.

As we know, athletes need to consistently be preparing to pursue getting to where they, or their team wants to be from a performance perspective. Their persistence, focus and dedication towards driving to reach and attain what they want can also come in the form of having improved their ability. Enough so that they can have a conversation with their sports coach about obtaining more playing time. Or, more powerfully, getting what they want by demonstrating to their coach that they are at an entirely different performance level to warrant the coach giving them more playing time. In turn, providing the athlete with getting what they want via a non-verbal approach. In other words, the approach that pets take.

When people become frustrated by not getting what they want, they need to consider whether they actually articulated what they want? Curiously, some people will think that others should simply know what they want, and that that they don’t have to verbally express this. Sure, there are instances where this might apply, but in most circumstances, you will need to leverage the power of your verbal communication to accomplish this. More obviously stated, because the majority of people do not have the ability to read your or other peoples minds.

The power of persuasion gets talked about in both a positive and negative way. Let’s look at the power of persuasion in a positive light. When you are gearing up to ask for what you want, are you doing so with factoring in that perhaps what you are asking for is only going to benefit you? In some cases, this might be alright, but often there needs to be a point of reaching either a compromise, or potentially a quid pro quo. Not always, but its critical to factor this into your equation of asking for what you want.

If you are at a point where you would benefit from having some suggestions to consider to seek being able to ask for what you want, and to increase your odds for achieving this, here are some ideas for you.

  • Do you really know what you want, and are you potentially asking for something that you are not fully intent on obtaining?
  • How genuine are you coming across when you are asking for what you want? If you are not coming across at a heightened level of being authentic or sincere, your chances of obtaining what you want are going to decrease. 
  • Think about a time you asked for, and got what you want. A time when you were surprised that you did get what you asked for. What were the circumstances or what was the approach you took, and could this be repeated with other “asks”?
  • When you are asking for what you want, are you clearly expressing this, or are you making it difficult for the person or group you are trying to get a “thumbs up” from confused by your ask? Sometimes we think we are clearly asking for what we want, when in fact it is just the opposite.
  • If you are not in sales, you will need to practice asking for what you want in order to become more comfortable with doing so. I’m not saying you need to be at a sales professional level to get what you want, but it will help you immensely to try different “ask” approaches to see which ones deliver better results.

Everyone should be able to attain reaching a level of getting to the point of being able to ask for, and have a higher percentage of times when they get what they want. If they seriously want to achieve this. Are you ready to begin increasing your odds, and asking for, and getting what you want?

TAGS: #Business #Communication #Askingforwhatyouwant #Gettingwhatyouaskfor #Influence #Persuasion #Theartofpersuasion #Sportscoach #Leader #Persistence #Success #Tipsongettingwhatyouwant #Thepowerofpersuasion #Gettingwhatyouwant #Sales #Persuasiontips

Copyright Market Me Too.

Posted on

What’s your worth? 10 Tips to consider.

If I were to think about myself as having a value associated with how I perceive myself, or worse, how others perceive me, I would be quite distressed. Although the interesting point in this consideration is that you hear people all the time referencing about either their own, but typically someone else’s worth. Or, perhaps they are discussing value?

In either scenario, my feeling is it would be incredibly difficult to come up with a formula to evaluate the value a person has each day. However, we know that many people love to have the ability to measure or compare and contrast. Either to another person, scenario or some other measurement which they deem to be important.

When I think about someone’s value or worth, I see it as a completely arbitrary measure, and in fact, one that would be in a constant state of flux. If we did have a formula to measure the value of someone, what would be some of the factors contributing to this equation? In my opinion, it will be extremely difficult to gain consensus on this topic, and who will really benefit from determining the criteria for measurement, or from being measured? 

Does it really matter how others evaluate you? I really don’t think it does, because any measurement is going to likely contain too many arbitrary and non-neutral considerations which won’t be able to be applied as a “one-size-fits-all” approach. So, why are many people fascinated with being able to define themselves via a standard of measurement? Does it help them to improve who they are as a person? Does it make them a person who contributes in a more powerful way to society? The list could go on forever in terms of what could be measured, but isn’t it more important to innately have a strong sense of your own personal value or worth?

For the sake of discussion, let’s say it is more important for everyone to strive to reach a place where they have their own comfort level in how they are contributing as a human to our society. Perhaps they have physical or mental limitations which would prevent them from reaching a maximum contribution level. Independent of this, wouldn’t it be satisfactory for both them and others if they were doing the best they could do given their limitations? I think it would.

Where I am challenged with my consideration of a person’s worth, is when it is solely based on factors that are revered by some people, and absolutely unimportant to others. In other words, too many people place a high value on a person’s financial worth. What’s worse is that these same people who are enamored by someone’s wealth, essentially cancel out other factors which shouldn’t be. Ones in fact that would negatively contribute to how a person is simply being measured and evaluated, based solely on their ability to have amassed wealth.

We know that not everyone who has amassed wealth did so on their own. Perhaps they inherited the wealth, or just happened to be fortunate with their timing and in a situation where they were an overnight wealthy person (e.g., the company they worked for went public, and their financial value skyrocketed overnight). I’ve seen this happen numerous times, and simply because these people now have a massive amount of money did not change the fundamentals of them being a worthy or valued human. Especially since currency is simply an arbitrary way of people agreeing on it having value.

My consideration of a person’s worth like currency is arbitrary, and should other people really have the power to judge your value? Think about this for a minute. The reality is that this does happen all the time, so what can you do about it? More importantly, do you care to do something about this?

If you are interested in doing something about impacting either your own sense of worth or value, there are in fact many things you have the power to do to impact it. Here are some suggestions on how to go about doing this.

  • What have you done today or recently to contribute to the well-being of others?
  • Have you invested in yourself to make yourself a healthier person both mentally and physically?
  • Do you have a written or plan in your mind which factors in leveraging your own talents which can both help to support you, and others too?
  • Consider the impact your value as a caring person would have on someone who might need some additional caring support. What could you do to increase your care level towards another person, or multiple people?
  • Starting today, what can you do to become a less self-centered person?
  • What can you do to come up with a different system to evaluate your own worth or the value you are contributing to our society on a daily or some consistent basis?
  • Think about why you might regard people who have more wealth then you do in a category of having a higher worth than you do?
  • Sure, having money can provide people with greater access to power and other opportunities, but does this really make them more valuable as a human?
  • Reconsider how you evaluate your criteria for both worth and success.
  • Factor in how being healthy, happy, having time to do the things you like to do, and having the ability to spend your time and attention on being with people you love can contribute to your worth and life value.

The expression of “life is a journey, enjoy the ride” is one which I am reminded by every day. Given this expression, I do my best each day to make sure I am paying attention to this sentiment. By perceiving my own worth and value to be at a level which I desire, and not having it impacted by what other people think, is what gives me the greatest satisfaction of knowing both my worth and value are exactly where I want them to be. Better yet? I’m the only judge that matters in what this means. I hope that if you are not currently at this level of thinking, you will be at some point in the near future.

TAGS: #Confidence #Self-worth #Leadership #Motivation #Positivity #Business #Teams

Copyright Market Me Too.

Posted on

Being limitless, and tips on how to be this way as a leader or individual.

I’ve never been the type of person who imposes restrictions upon myself, or others. The funny thing about this, is how many people I have seen do this to themselves. Whether this is something they are doing intentionally is up for debate. When I encounter someone who is doing this, I will ask them if they are aware of my perception of them that this is something they are doing? 

Generally, the answer is that they are not aware of this perception, and will typically ask me for examples of them doing this. The curious thing for me, is that the examples I give them are from my perspective so obvious. More puzzling to me is that my examples appear to be ones they never have heard of before, yet when I point them out, they have an “aaahh-ha” moment of complete clarity. Why is this happening, and is it possible for people to course correct on this challenge themselves?

The answer is that yes, people can course correct, and become more aware of them seemingly being blind to not seeing how they place restrictions on themselves. However, one thing they will need to do first, is to be open-minded and willing to accept the fact they are doing this.

Let’s face a reality here. We know that not everyone is open-minded, but I will stress that everyone does have the capacity to be so. This is one of the keys to allowing yourself to become limitless in terms of how to set yourself up differently as both an individual, or leader. Potentially leaders could be constricted with being open-minded based on rules and regulations they may have imposed on them from others they need to answer to. Not always, and there are always exceptions to this.

Being open-minded and independent as a leader does not mean you have to completely compromise your desire to exercise these characteristics. Although chances are greater that you may need to be more creative and influential to obtain your goals to maintain your or other’s ability to be limitless in your thinking. This should be a challenge most leaders are familiar with, and I’m not suggesting it is easy to accomplish this. However, it will be worth the effort to pursue making this happen.

Focusing on you right now, consider a time in your life when you felt you didn’t have any restrictions imposed on your life or thinking. For context, this is in terms of your thinking and actions which could be coordinated to help you to have unlimited possibilities to pursue and achieve. Yes, responsibilities in one’s life will somewhat hinder unlimited thinking opportunities, but again the strategy is to find work arounds for them. Think of challenges as being simply obstacles that need to be overcome, and that every one of them has at least one solution to do so. This is ideally when your open-mindedness thinking is going to come into play, and yes, you can be open-minded, even if you don’t think it’s possible to be this way.

In terms of tips to help you to become more limitless with your thinking, below are some suggestions I have for you to consider applying.

  • Do you have a clear idea of what you actually want to accomplish? Is this written down anywhere, or have you expressed your vision about what you want to achieve?
  • If you have not written down a list of what you want to accomplish, this is the perfect time to do so, and yes, right after reading this story.
  • Once you have your list, write down next to the items what would be obstacles which would prevent you from accomplishing what you want to achieve.
  • The next step will be for you to come up with a third row which will provide you with solutions to overcome the obstacles you have factored in.
  • The fourth step is going to be putting your list into action, and potentially sharing it with those who it will impact. You are going to want to have others bought into what you are trying to do, and when they are, it will make it much easier to partner with them to help you to do so. Particularly if you are a leader, or sports team coach.
  • Thinking retrospectively, have there been times in your life when you limited yourself? Be honest with yourself, of course there were. This is fine, and even better to admit. More importantly is to peel back your thinking in terms of why you did this. Take some time to think this through, and consider whether there is something similar in your life you are faced with right now, and which you might be doing the exact same thing?
  • Is there a pattern you have established which has contributed to closing off your mind and life or professional world from being able to achieve what you want to because you have self-imposed restrictions on why you can’t do something? You fill in the blank on this, as I guarantee there are more restrictions you have placed upon yourself than you might have been willing to admit. This is one of the reasons why people succumb to being closed minded and introduce restrictions on what they can accomplish personally or professionally.
  • Are you fully committed to attempting to be more accepting of the fact you have not been able to allow yourself to be limitless in your thinking, yet, want to make a concerted effort in achieving being this way?
  • My final suggestion is to give yourself permission to think differently, and to slowly accept that it is possible to do so.

I have personally seen many people transform their way of thinking to be more open-minded, and yes, this does take some practice. No, you will not be an overnight success in attempting to master this, but you will get there. Even better is that once you are solidly on the path to being limitless with your thinking, I can guarantee you will have a lot more fun in your life, and be able to achieve things you never imagined would be possible.

TAGS: #Leadership #Business #Motivation #Success #Tipsonbeingunlimitedinyourthinking #Unlimitedpossibilities #Sportscoach #Thinkingdifferently #Empoweringyourself #Teams #Openmindedness #Beingopenminded #Howtobeopenminded #Tiponhowtobeopenminded

Copyright Market Me Too.