Have you done enough?

When was the last time you considered whether you were truly pushing yourself and striving to get to the next level? The next level in any capacity in terms of working harder towards reaching or achieving something you may not have thought you could? Or, perhaps doing something well beyond what you have ever done to help another person?

Recently a dear friend of mine was extremely medically unwell. To the point both of us were concerned for her long-term well-being. However, we also both felt that despite doing everything we could to support one another, nothing seemed to be helping. This scenario also included medical support, but even this didn’t seem to be enough. Watching my friend spiral downwards was incredibly difficult to experience, especially because I felt so helpless in terms of feeling that I could help to make any type of positive impact.

For me personally, the experience of feeling helpless is one of the most frustrating emotions. Particularly since I feel I am the type of person who is hardwired to always do whatever I can to support and help other individuals. Yes, even ones who seemingly resist for no valid reason for doing so. These types of people are difficult for me to fully appreciate why they won’t accept help, but I do understand at a core level why they are resistant. Although this doesn’t make it any easier for me to contend with. One of the contributing factors is stubbornness, or what some others might refer to as being too proud to accept support in any scenario.

The reference to my medically unwell friend does have a silver lining, yet it has taken close to half a year to get to this point. However, with extreme persistence and support from myself and multiple other people, my friend is now back to a place where her health isn’t compromised. Even better is that she told me that she feels fifteen years younger now based on the care and support she has received. Yes, small miracles do happen, and her situation is a genuine example.

As my friend was going through her medical turmoil, I kept asking both myself and her what else I could be doing? I was sure there was something else I could do or research with the goal of being able to offer making her feel better, but it never seemed to be enough. Now that I have perspective of what I was able to do during the “perfect storm” of my friend’s medical challenges, I unexpectantly received feedback from her directly several days ago. What she told me was that what I was helping her out with while she was critically unwell, did provide her with the support she needed at the time I was involved with her care. I’m honored to now know this, although I didn’t ever expect to know or hear this confirmation. However, hearing it did make me feel that I was able to do enough to support my friend when she really needed help.

In terms of applying my question to you about whether you have done either enough for yourself or others can certainly pertain to both your personal life, as well as your professional life. For those of you who are leaders or sports coaches, you are highly aware and accomplished as well as skilled at helping others. Your ability to do so is one of the reasons you have risen to the level you have risen to, and I want to personally thank you for all you do to support others. I also simultaneously want to have you consider whether you are investing enough support in your own self or professional development, as it is common for people in your role to always put others well-being ahead of yours. I’m certain you realize this, but acting on this is an entirely different situation, and I would like you to factor in making sure you turn the proverbial “helping others mirror” around to yourself from time to time.

Since many leaders and sports coaches especially struggle with helping themselves to do enough to continue their own journey of being the best at what they do, and in support of others, below are some tips for you to consider applying to yourself. In the next week or two, with zero excuses about why you can’t do this, please attempt 1-2 of the suggestions below. I know you can do this, and I’m fully confident you will be better off for doing so.

  • Please step off the “guilt train” of thinking you don’t have time to invest in taking yourself to the next level of whatever it is you want to accomplish.
  • Think about what if you don’t invest in yourself and the potentially negative impact this will have on those who depend on you and lead when you have maxed out on your ability to help them.
  • If helping and leading others is something you do naturally, think about how much additional energy and joy you will gain from being able to stretch and take your leadership abilities to the next level.
  • Start with the end goal of your quest to be able to do more for others, and yourself. What does this look like? Who else should or can be involved, and what is your timeframe for putting this into place and seeing the results of your self-investments of leveling up?
  • Although you may not think you can do more, I guarantee you can. This is supported in lots of clinical research which is focused on what our bodies and minds can accomplish when we think we have reached our maximum level of output. The net net of this is that as humans we typically still have approximately 20% more capacity and energy than we think we do.
  • Ted Lasso is one of my favorite and inspirational Netflix Shows, and I frequently remind myself to adopt his mantra in the show and to “believe” in being able to accomplish anything I set out to achieve. This also applies to helping others too.

This week’s post is slightly off the path from what I typically write about, so I would be honored with hearing your feedback and letting me know if and whether some of these suggestions helped to make a positive impact on you doing enough for yourself, others, or both.

TAGS: #Business #Sports #Motivation #Sportscoach #Coach #Leader #Leadership #Leaders #Sales #Tipsonhelpingothers #Impact #Inspiration #Teamdynamics #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment

Not having the time, but making it.

I get it. You are busy and can’t even imagine adding one more thing to your list of to do’s this week. Some of this may be due to your poor time management, over committing to people and projects you should have said “no” to, or a plethora of other reasons which contributed to your current schedule overload. I’ve even seen people who panic when their schedule has openings in it. What’s worse, is they feel the need to fill these time gaps at all costs. Sound familiar?

Most will agree that time is one of our most precious assets. We also don’t have any guarantee of how much time we have, so I’m amazed by have cavalier and yes, irresponsible some people can be with the use of their time. Sure, some people’s time is dictated by circumstances beyond their control, but the fact is we have more control over our schedule than we might like to admit. Consider someone you know who seems completely in control of their schedule, isn’t in an anxious state about it, and appears to be one of the most productive people you have met on the planet. Yes, these people do exist, and no, they are not as I like to refer to as “unicorns”. You just might not be familiar with them.

Some of the most impressive leaders and sports coaches I have seen that are in control of their schedules appear to accomplish more than most people they might be compared to. Do they have some special ability or superpower which enables them to do this? Not really. So, what is it about them that distinguishes them from other people who barely seem to be able to accomplish one thing per day? I’ll call it “intentional planning”. They are highly aware of how and why they are investing in their daily calendar, and this contributes to their ability to seemingly accomplish anything.

One example of “intentionally planning” your schedule might include appreciating your various energy levels via the day. Depending on whether you are a morning or evening person, I have seen some leaders and coaches color code their schedules based on what their energy level for that time of day will be. For instance, most people are not at their peak level of productivity between the hours of 2-5 pm, but we know that these are also hours which we need to work with. Or not? If you must work and be productive during this time block, consider what you can do to maximize your output. Perhaps you schedule time to focus on doing strategic or highly focused work during this time, and not be involved in meetings. Unless the meetings are well organized, there is an agenda, have a purpose and the expected outcome is well understood upfront. If you are accepting meetings without this type of structure, this is where you can be guaranteed to not be constructively investing in your precious time management.

There are certainly activities that may not be “agenda appropriate”, but when they are, and an agenda is not constructed, saying “no” to this type of meeting or activity will garner you new time back on your schedule. Perhaps time that you can now “make” to accomplish or do something more desirable or productive.

Making time for other people is one of the categories I factor into my schedule on a weekly basis. Not only because I believe it is important to do so, but also because some of this time is oriented towards helping another individual, or a group of people. You might call this mentoring or volunteer time, and I do have to limit the amount of time I can invest. However, being intentional about this offers me the opportunity to consider doing this and being what some have told me “generous time giving”. With this said, I’m a big proponent of giving back to others, as I have had plenty of people who have contributed to helping me to get to where I am professionally.

We all know that there are certain times when we will need to make time for others, but can’t seem to figure out how to accomplish this. Some people might also be thinking, I don’t even have enough time for myself. Guess what? Whose challenge is this? Yes, this is a rhetorical question, and I’ve lost patience with people who don’t take ownership for their own schedule and routinely say this. If you are one of these people, or know someone who appears to have this conundrum, below are some ideas for you or them to consider helping with this challenge.

  • Yes, I’ll grant you there are times in our lives when we will have more time to apply to others, and that we may feel deprived of not having any “me time”, but I guarantee if you look and work hard enough, you can find at least 30-60 minutes per day to accomplish this.
  • Have you considered mastering the art of creating agendas for either the meetings you are attending or scheduling? I literally took a two-day course on how to do this, and it was truly life changing, and I was able to gain more time back on my schedule as a result.
  • Although this may seem counter-intuitive, when we take time to help others, it will give us more energy and motivation. Energy and motivation we can then re-invest in ourselves.
  • Be honest. How would you rate your time management skills? In my experience, I would give most people a C, and this would be a generous grade. What can you do to enhance your time management skills? Yes, starting today.
  • If you took the time to intentionally plan out your schedule for an entire month, and to do so in meticulous fashion, allowing for some flexibility, and including “time for others”, as well as yourself, how would that make you feel? Could you give this a try?
  • Not being morbid, but what if you knew how much time you had on this planet was down to the last day you would be here. Would you invest in your time differently? Yes, I intentionally chose the word invest, as you should consider your time as a precious investment.

The next time you tell someone you wish you had more time, or that you don’t have any time, I’m hopeful the tips above will provide you with an opportunity to re-think and remove or reduce saying this soon.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leaders #Motivation #Timemanagement #Strategy #Personaldevelopment #Sportscoach #Teams #Sportsteams #Communication #Awareness #Professionaldevelopment #Business #Productivity #Teamdynamics

The impact of when you are late.

This may not come as a surprise to people who know me, but there are not many things that bother me, but one of them is when people are late. I was taught that unless you are at least five minutes early to a time commitment, you are late. This was further supported as a concept when I began playing sports, as there were consequences if you were not on time. Ones I didn’t want to experience, so this positively reinforced my commitment to being early. 

When I began my corporate career, I was almost always the first one to the office. Perhaps because I liked the cadence of starting the day on my own terms, and the quiet and peaceful nature when you are the only one in a location. Being early also gave me time to be reflective, and to also plan my day strategically versus having others fully commanding my schedule. Yes, some of my schedule was driven by others who needed my participation in meetings, or to provide them with leadership support, but the concept of being early to the office launched my day well and I felt much more productive. 

Time management as a concept appears to be straight forward, and one of the aspects of it involves being on time. So, why do many people appear to be challenged with time management? Is it that they were not taught how to plan and maximize their time? Or perhaps it is because they are not aware of how long certain projects or commitments will realistically take, so this causes them to be late. Potentially some people are simply unaware of time. Which makes them come across to others as being cavalier and carefree about how they go about their day. Yes, this may be a choice, but a choice which will in my opinion be disrespectful of other people’s time. 

We always have a choice when it comes to making decisions, and this includes the decision about whether you prefer to be known as someone who is on time, or always late. For those of you who are consistently late, I’m curious about what you are thinking. Are you aware of how being late impacts other people? Do you realize the effort they put into and the respect they have for your time, resulting in them being on time? Do you care about the impact you have on another person or a group of people when you are late? Has anyone ever called you out on this? If they did, what impact did it have on you, and did you consider the reasons why you are consistently late? 

Let’s look at being late from a different perspective. If you were meeting with someone you deemed to be very important, or if you were going to be given a large sum of money or something else enticing to you, would you be late? Probably not, but what if there was a consequence to being late in these scenarios? The important person becomes unavailable to meet with you, and the money or enticing thing is no longer available to you. How would you react in either of these scenarios? Are several hypothetical, but potentially probable examples going to impact your time management, or address your consistent lateness? Not likely, so what will? 

If you are a leader a sports coach or know someone who is consistently late and you want to help them to address this matter, below are some suggestions you can pass along to them for consideration. Potentially eye-opening ones in terms of recognizing how their lateness is viewed by others, and the negative impact it has on them and others. 

  • From a manner’s perspective, being late is rude.
  • Being late is disrespectful of other people and indirectly signals you do not value their time as much as you value your own time. 
  • Consider why you are consistently late? What can you do to alter this behavior?
  • If you are consistently late, does it matter to you the perception others have of you for being this way? Hint: It’s not favorable. In fact, it could cost you from being promoted and considered for leadership opportunities.
  • Challenge yourself to be more aware of how you are investing your time, and how you are scheduling your day. 
  • Being late is a bad habit. What can you do to change this behavior? The first thing is to acknowledge this is an issue. 
  • For meetings, schedule them with a 10-15 minute buffer in time so you be early or on time to your next meeting. 
  • Many highly successful people are either early or on time to their commitments.
  • Practice being on time. Even better, being early to all, yes, all of your time commitments. 
  • See if people notice when you are on time, or early, and what the impact this has on both you and them. I promise you it will be more favorable. 

Being respectful of both your own time and others may seem like a small matter, but when you don’t it sends negative signals to others and will seriously negatively impact the perception others have of you and your “brand”. If your reputation and image is even minorly important to you, and if you want to show respect for others and their time and the value they have in your life, please be either early or on time. I know you can do this, and others you interact with will look forward to seeing the positive impact this will have on you. 

TAGS:  #Leadership #Leader #Sportscoach #Business #Management #Respect #Successtips #Awareness #Timemanagement #Teams #Teamdynamics #Strategy #Motivation

The importance of “thinking time”, and how to do this.

Taking the time to think may seem like a simple thing to do. Depending on what you are thinking about, it certainly could be. However, if you are doing what is referred to as critical thinking, this type of thinking can be more difficult to do. Why? Because it will require you to factor in a number of different variables related to the topic you are contemplating.

Critical thinking is also usually associated with topics which may have multiple outcome possibilities. Some of which will be in your favor with the more experience you have either personally or professionally. Although this doesn’t mean you are incapable of exercising critical thinking if you do not have much life or professional experience.

Having just taken a vacation, I spent a fair amount of time on my vacation exercising critical thinking on a number of different topics. One of the topics was about mindset. In fact, I experimented with testing out the concept of having a positive mindset most of the time I was on vacation. During the few times that my mindset was not positive, it generally had to do with the fact I was tired, or had not been getting enough exercise or the right type of healthy food.

The other topic I spent a fair amount of time critically thinking about, was leadership, and what impact leaders have on those they lead. Since I have been conducting research for the past year on aspects of leadership associated with sports coaches and the teams they lead, my thinking about this topic has significantly expanded, and in a very constructive manner. It has been expanded due to having new insight into the different methods sports’ coaches have leveraged to lead their teams.

When I compare and contrast the difference between sports and workplace/business leaders, the most surprising aspect difference between the two types of leaders, isn’t one you might expect. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by how sports coaches are much more willing to “test drive” multiple leadership methods than business leaders are. When I first started thinking about why this might be occurring, I first thought about how sports leaders have an enormous advantage over business leaders. What is this advantage? It’s quite simple, and it is that the sports team leaders’ teams all are singularly focused on one thing. Winning.

Of course, the business leaders’ teams also want to “win”, but their success is measured differently, and they are also motivated differently than sports teams are. From a critical thinking perspective, the sports coach leaders have a great advantage over the business leaders because the business teams may say they all share a common goal, but in reality, many of them don’t. I can credibly tell you this from having spent over twenty-five years in the business world, and I have both seen and experienced this for decades. I’ll refer to as a phenomenon.

The business leaders who were able to get their teams to at least appear to be on the “same page” from a goal perspective, and who were able to achieve what were classified as their success measurements or KPI’s (key performance metrics), achieved this with a different set of challenges than the sports coach leaders did. Yes, both types of leaders had equally challenging experiences with achieving their goals, but I can tell you that if the business leaders took a page out of the proverbial “playbook” of the sports coach leaders, it would make their jobs both more fulfilling, and less frustrating.

The “playbook” aspect I am referring to has to do with assigning more value to understanding team dynamics, and the top sports coaches in the US and outside of the US that I spoke to, understand this innately. They also assign and allocate both time, resources, and money to making sure that they get their team dynamics right. The results from the sports coaches who have “cracked the code” on understanding and applying methods to making their team dynamics work in their favor, are not only impressive, but should be better understood and applied outside of the sports team industry.

Since having spent the last year doing research on sports teams and team dynamics, I have had to do an enormous amount of critical thinking. Especially during the time I have been analyzing the results of my work. Here are some of the aspects of critical thinking I can share with you if you are interested in both understanding the importance of critical thinking, and why you should be taking more time to do so on a regular basis.

  • Critical thinking is more than having an opinion about something.
  • To be a critical thinker, you need to reserve the time to do so, be reflective and factor in multiple variables about the topic you are considering.
  • Patience is also required when you are attempting to spend time on critically thinking about the topic you are focusing on. Yes, this can be frustrating, as we live and work in a culture that demands an immediate sense of gratification, and critically thinking about a topic doesn’t always permit you to have an immediate answer or response.
  • Exercising and getting in shape can be compared to critical thinking, as it is the type of thinking which requires discipline, persistence and considering doing a number of different methods to get to the result you are seeking, or want to have options to consider.
  • You don’t always have to critically think alone. Although most of the time people do this type of thinking as a solo practice. Involving other people in your critical thinking discussion, is best suited when you have someone moderating the discussion.
  • When you regularly exercise your ability to critically think things through, you become much more skilled at making better decisions versus rash or impulsive ones. Decisions that will cause you to regret not having thought through the situation you were in.

If you don’t currently pride yourself in being a critical thinker yet, give yourself credit for contemplating what it will take to master this skill. Especially if you are looking to either lead others, or if you want to improve upon your current leadership skills.

TAGS: #Leadership #Business #CriticalThinking #Teams #SportsCoach #Leader #BusinessLeader #Success #Thinking #HowToCriticallyThinkThingsThrough #TipsOnHowToBeACriticalThinker #Sportsteams #Research

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Thrive! What’s your plan?

I was recently having a conversation with someone close to me about how they were living each day and really struggling to get through it. Yes, they were admittedly depressed. They also felt as if they were stuck in a vicious cycle they could not get out of. The cycle consisted of working, going to sleep, repeat.

During the course of each day, they referenced that it took every ounce of energy they had to just do the bare minimum of what they had to do in their job. They didn’t feel as if they had time to do anything during the course of the day that they even slightly enjoyed doing. This made matters worse. Could this possibly be a time management challenge? Absolutely, and they would admit to this, but they still felt unable to break their vicious cycle, no matter how desperately they wanted to do so.

One of the things which came up during our conversation was the need to figure out what they could do during the day to refuel their energy battery. In other words, to do something which would provide them with additional energy to help them to break out of their situation of feeling like they were only existing day to day.

Hearing and seeing this person struggling was gut wrenching for me, yet as an optimist, I felt I still could do something to help them out of their situation. I just needed to be creative and have them be willing to try to do something different. Perhaps a bit radical to them. The next thing I needed to do was to get them to agree to doing something different. Then I asked them to commit to giving it everything they had in them to go from existing to thriving. Even if they were starting from a disadvantaged place of doing so.

If you are not familiar with having depression or anxiety, one of the things about it is that it consumes most of your energy, and makes you feel exhausted. Exhausted to the point of potentially not being able to accomplish anything but sleep. Fortunately, this person was not at this level, but I felt they were close to it.

When you are interacting with someone who isn’t thriving, they are typically frustrated and overwhelmed by what is happening in their life and at work. Of course, no one wants to feel this way. However, the challenge most people have is that they are often not equipped with methods to help them when they find themselves in this situation. Being able to recognize when someone is in this situation is critical, and it doesn’t take a professional to evaluate this. Having empathy and common sense will be enough skills to recognize someone is in a difficult situation.

I am not a trained mental health care professional, but my life and professional expertise in working with people over the last 25 years to bring the best out of them is both an honor and privilege.  I’ve written about how coaching is not therapy , and in fact, would suggest that people who are struggling with feeling like they are not thriving, and are simply existing could benefit from having both a therapist and a coach. In fact, I believe firmly that everyone should have a coach. I have three to four people in my life at any point in time who play the role of my coach. Some might refer to them as mentors, and in some instances the role definitions become blurred.

Let’s circle back to how I’m in the process of helping the person close to me with going from feeling like they are existing to thriving. One of the things I suggested was to in fact find a therapist. They are now working with one. Below are some of the other and more radical things they are doing, and that others can do too.

  • Outline on paper what you want your life to be like going forward. Think of this in terms of either a mind map, or perhaps a picture storyboard. Some refer to this as an inspiration board. This can also be created digitally too. The point is to begin thinking ahead.
  • When we begin to think about what is in front of us, and how to get to the place we want to be, it shifts our mentality from being “stuck” to considering that there are possibilities for doing something different.
  • Craft a list of all of the things you can think of that you would like to do or accomplish. Make the list as if everything on it is possible. In other words, think well beyond what you might even be able to imagine doing in reality.
  • Aspirational thinking is really powerful. Even more powerful is being able to plot out the tiny, and potentially large number of steps to get there. Although having many steps might appear to be overwhelming, if you can commit to doing one per day, it will allow you to accomplish this.
  • Having the perception of possessing good time management skills is often a challenge for people who feel they are simply existing. So, I highly recommend putting this on someone’s list to help them to learn how to improve this skill.
  • Committing to taking care of yourself is also highly important, as this is often overlooked when someone is not feeling great. Even doing something as small as drinking enough water and remaining hydrated each day can be helpful.
  • The radical thing I am having the person I referenced consider doing, is to think of their next career move as a paid internship. To have the experience be focused on building a new foundation which will support them to thrive. We are working on setting this up, but I know this will work, as I have had numerous other people apply this technique. No, it’s not easy, but the results are always remarkable.

So, if you or someone you know isn’t thriving, but wants to, I hope you will share this story with them. Everyone deserves to be thriving in their life, and sometimes they need additional support to get there.

TAGS: #Mentalhealth #Howtothrive #Howtosucceed #Management #Business #Life #Coaching #Therapist #Therapy #Leadership #Beingstuck #Feelingstuck #Thriving #Advice #Mentor #Virtualmentor #Perception #Timemanagement #Timemanagementskills

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