Tag: #Millennials

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Have you done enough?

When was the last time you considered whether you were truly pushing yourself and striving to get to the next level? The next level in any capacity in terms of working harder towards reaching or achieving something you may not have thought you could? Or, perhaps doing something well beyond what you have ever done to help another person?

Recently a dear friend of mine was extremely medically unwell. To the point both of us were concerned for her long-term well-being. However, we also both felt that despite doing everything we could to support one another, nothing seemed to be helping. This scenario also included medical support, but even this didn’t seem to be enough. Watching my friend spiral downwards was incredibly difficult to experience, especially because I felt so helpless in terms of feeling that I could help to make any type of positive impact.

For me personally, the experience of feeling helpless is one of the most frustrating emotions. Particularly since I feel I am the type of person who is hardwired to always do whatever I can to support and help other individuals. Yes, even ones who seemingly resist for no valid reason for doing so. These types of people are difficult for me to fully appreciate why they won’t accept help, but I do understand at a core level why they are resistant. Although this doesn’t make it any easier for me to contend with. One of the contributing factors is stubbornness, or what some others might refer to as being too proud to accept support in any scenario.

The reference to my medically unwell friend does have a silver lining, yet it has taken close to half a year to get to this point. However, with extreme persistence and support from myself and multiple other people, my friend is now back to a place where her health isn’t compromised. Even better is that she told me that she feels fifteen years younger now based on the care and support she has received. Yes, small miracles do happen, and her situation is a genuine example.

As my friend was going through her medical turmoil, I kept asking both myself and her what else I could be doing? I was sure there was something else I could do or research with the goal of being able to offer making her feel better, but it never seemed to be enough. Now that I have perspective of what I was able to do during the “perfect storm” of my friend’s medical challenges, I unexpectantly received feedback from her directly several days ago. What she told me was that what I was helping her out with while she was critically unwell, did provide her with the support she needed at the time I was involved with her care. I’m honored to now know this, although I didn’t ever expect to know or hear this confirmation. However, hearing it did make me feel that I was able to do enough to support my friend when she really needed help.

In terms of applying my question to you about whether you have done either enough for yourself or others can certainly pertain to both your personal life, as well as your professional life. For those of you who are leaders or sports coaches, you are highly aware and accomplished as well as skilled at helping others. Your ability to do so is one of the reasons you have risen to the level you have risen to, and I want to personally thank you for all you do to support others. I also simultaneously want to have you consider whether you are investing enough support in your own self or professional development, as it is common for people in your role to always put others well-being ahead of yours. I’m certain you realize this, but acting on this is an entirely different situation, and I would like you to factor in making sure you turn the proverbial “helping others mirror” around to yourself from time to time.

Since many leaders and sports coaches especially struggle with helping themselves to do enough to continue their own journey of being the best at what they do, and in support of others, below are some tips for you to consider applying to yourself. In the next week or two, with zero excuses about why you can’t do this, please attempt 1-2 of the suggestions below. I know you can do this, and I’m fully confident you will be better off for doing so.

  • Please step off the “guilt train” of thinking you don’t have time to invest in taking yourself to the next level of whatever it is you want to accomplish.
  • Think about what if you don’t invest in yourself and the potentially negative impact this will have on those who depend on you and lead when you have maxed out on your ability to help them.
  • If helping and leading others is something you do naturally, think about how much additional energy and joy you will gain from being able to stretch and take your leadership abilities to the next level.
  • Start with the end goal of your quest to be able to do more for others, and yourself. What does this look like? Who else should or can be involved, and what is your timeframe for putting this into place and seeing the results of your self-investments of leveling up?
  • Although you may not think you can do more, I guarantee you can. This is supported in lots of clinical research which is focused on what our bodies and minds can accomplish when we think we have reached our maximum level of output. The net net of this is that as humans we typically still have approximately 20% more capacity and energy than we think we do.
  • Ted Lasso is one of my favorite and inspirational Netflix Shows, and I frequently remind myself to adopt his mantra in the show and to “believe” in being able to accomplish anything I set out to achieve. This also applies to helping others too.

This week’s post is slightly off the path from what I typically write about, so I would be honored with hearing your feedback and letting me know if and whether some of these suggestions helped to make a positive impact on you doing enough for yourself, others, or both.

TAGS: #Business #Sports #Motivation #Sportscoach #Coach #Leader #Leadership #Leaders #Sales #Tipsonhelpingothers #Impact #Inspiration #Teamdynamics #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment

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Doing things the hard way? Or not.

There is an expression which alludes to the fact you need to struggle to truly appreciate your accomplishments. I don’t agree with this type of thinking, but I have encountered numerous people in my life who think this way. I’m not suggesting that you don’t have to put in lots of work and effort towards reaching an accomplishment, as you typically do. However, I’m curious about why some people think of achievement in a negative manner.

From my perspective, working towards an achievement can be highly motivating, and going through the process of reaching your end goal can be something you can look back on with pride. Yes, even if you required help from others to reach your accomplishment. In fact, for me personally, some of my greatest moments of pride and achievement are associated with the collaborative work with others. There is something about working together towards a common goal which I find very rewarding. Perhaps you have experienced this too?

During a conversation I was having with a person I highly value having in my life, I was surprised by a comment they made. So much so, that it prompted me to share this conversation with you, as I would like you to have a similar outcome they did. This is versus the outcome they were heading towards, and which was going to put them in a negative loop and essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy of not being able to succeed at what they were attempting to do. Even though verbally they appeared to be completely committed to doing so.

The goal for this person was to set aside time each day to work on a professional development project. One which required studying and mastering a new software program language, and that would take lots of focus and dedication to complete. As this person was telling me about their plan in terms of how they were going to go about accomplishing their goal, I was immediately struck by how difficult their plan sounded. Although I also attempted to keep an open mind to consider they perhaps thought their plan was appealing. Or so I thought.

When I followed up with this person several days into their “plan”, it was obvious it wasn’t working, as they had not even started working on it. Were they just telling me something they thought I wanted to hear? Or did they really believe they were going to begin and commit to their plan? A plan that if they followed it through would put them in an entirely different place professionally, and which would open many new possible and intriguing options for them. Yes, procrastination was at the core of why this person wasn’t proceeding with their plan, but it also had to do with the fact they were attempting to do something the hard way. Without realizing there were alternative options for proceeding forward which would have been more appealing.

Procrastination is a state most of us have experienced at one point in time or another, and some people seem to be more challenged by this progression hinderance than others. Many times, when you ask someone to explain why they procrastinate, they don’t have any solid or rational reasons why they do. This contributes to further complicating their ability to move forward, because they go into a state which I’m certain you have either experienced, or seen someone else in. It’s the experience of being “stuck”. It may appear to anyone not in this scenario that the person is being unreasonable, or perhaps even lazy with behaving this way, but people who are experiencing this legitimately feel this way. A way which contributes to making it more difficult to proceed, versus the process of beginning to do something, and then completing it.

Even the most accomplished people at some points have experienced procrastination, or an aspect of doing something when they were working towards an accomplishment and thought to themselves, “There must be an easier way to do this.”  If you or someone you know who a leader, sports coach or any other achievement-oriented category, and who is doing things the hard way, below are some options to think about to help you or them to find more ways to strive towards accomplishment with greater ease.

  • Have you ever considered the real reason you do things from other people’s perception the hard way?
  • Do you go through cycles of procrastination, and if you do, is there a driving force contributing to this cycle, and if so, a way for you to break this cycle? Perhaps with the support of someone you trust who will help to keep you accountable?
  • Think about one of your biggest accomplishments. What were the contributing elements which allowed you to proceed forward, seemingly without any struggle?
  • Who do you know that appears to accomplish anything with ease? Would it be possible to ask them for advice on how they do this?
  • Not everyone is wired the same way in terms of achievement levels they desire to reach. What level on a scale of (1-10), with 10 being the highest level are you comfortable with maintaining?
  • If your achievement level is lower than you would like it to be, are you willing to put in more effort, without the effort being overwhelming to reach a higher level of accomplishment, and doing so in a manner which is realistic and will offer you enough of a reward at the end to remain motivated towards a successful completion?

Appreciating the fact that there are going to be people who think that you need to struggle and do things the hard way for it to be worth it, I encourage you to consider thinking about why you, or others need to orient themselves this way? If you had to rationally explain your reasons behind your thinking, could you do so objectively? I hope you will be willing to think of an alternative way of accomplishment, and enjoying the process being much less frustrating, easier and which will encourage you to do more for yourself, or others with your new approach.

TAGS: #Leader #Leadership #Coach #Sportscoach #Achievement #Motivation #Success #Procrastination #Tipsonhowtoaccomplish #Accomplishmentips #Business #Sales #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Teams #Teamdynamics

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Not having the time, but making it.

I get it. You are busy and can’t even imagine adding one more thing to your list of to do’s this week. Some of this may be due to your poor time management, over committing to people and projects you should have said “no” to, or a plethora of other reasons which contributed to your current schedule overload. I’ve even seen people who panic when their schedule has openings in it. What’s worse, is they feel the need to fill these time gaps at all costs. Sound familiar?

Most will agree that time is one of our most precious assets. We also don’t have any guarantee of how much time we have, so I’m amazed by have cavalier and yes, irresponsible some people can be with the use of their time. Sure, some people’s time is dictated by circumstances beyond their control, but the fact is we have more control over our schedule than we might like to admit. Consider someone you know who seems completely in control of their schedule, isn’t in an anxious state about it, and appears to be one of the most productive people you have met on the planet. Yes, these people do exist, and no, they are not as I like to refer to as “unicorns”. You just might not be familiar with them.

Some of the most impressive leaders and sports coaches I have seen that are in control of their schedules appear to accomplish more than most people they might be compared to. Do they have some special ability or superpower which enables them to do this? Not really. So, what is it about them that distinguishes them from other people who barely seem to be able to accomplish one thing per day? I’ll call it “intentional planning”. They are highly aware of how and why they are investing in their daily calendar, and this contributes to their ability to seemingly accomplish anything.

One example of “intentionally planning” your schedule might include appreciating your various energy levels via the day. Depending on whether you are a morning or evening person, I have seen some leaders and coaches color code their schedules based on what their energy level for that time of day will be. For instance, most people are not at their peak level of productivity between the hours of 2-5 pm, but we know that these are also hours which we need to work with. Or not? If you must work and be productive during this time block, consider what you can do to maximize your output. Perhaps you schedule time to focus on doing strategic or highly focused work during this time, and not be involved in meetings. Unless the meetings are well organized, there is an agenda, have a purpose and the expected outcome is well understood upfront. If you are accepting meetings without this type of structure, this is where you can be guaranteed to not be constructively investing in your precious time management.

There are certainly activities that may not be “agenda appropriate”, but when they are, and an agenda is not constructed, saying “no” to this type of meeting or activity will garner you new time back on your schedule. Perhaps time that you can now “make” to accomplish or do something more desirable or productive.

Making time for other people is one of the categories I factor into my schedule on a weekly basis. Not only because I believe it is important to do so, but also because some of this time is oriented towards helping another individual, or a group of people. You might call this mentoring or volunteer time, and I do have to limit the amount of time I can invest. However, being intentional about this offers me the opportunity to consider doing this and being what some have told me “generous time giving”. With this said, I’m a big proponent of giving back to others, as I have had plenty of people who have contributed to helping me to get to where I am professionally.

We all know that there are certain times when we will need to make time for others, but can’t seem to figure out how to accomplish this. Some people might also be thinking, I don’t even have enough time for myself. Guess what? Whose challenge is this? Yes, this is a rhetorical question, and I’ve lost patience with people who don’t take ownership for their own schedule and routinely say this. If you are one of these people, or know someone who appears to have this conundrum, below are some ideas for you or them to consider helping with this challenge.

  • Yes, I’ll grant you there are times in our lives when we will have more time to apply to others, and that we may feel deprived of not having any “me time”, but I guarantee if you look and work hard enough, you can find at least 30-60 minutes per day to accomplish this.
  • Have you considered mastering the art of creating agendas for either the meetings you are attending or scheduling? I literally took a two-day course on how to do this, and it was truly life changing, and I was able to gain more time back on my schedule as a result.
  • Although this may seem counter-intuitive, when we take time to help others, it will give us more energy and motivation. Energy and motivation we can then re-invest in ourselves.
  • Be honest. How would you rate your time management skills? In my experience, I would give most people a C, and this would be a generous grade. What can you do to enhance your time management skills? Yes, starting today.
  • If you took the time to intentionally plan out your schedule for an entire month, and to do so in meticulous fashion, allowing for some flexibility, and including “time for others”, as well as yourself, how would that make you feel? Could you give this a try?
  • Not being morbid, but what if you knew how much time you had on this planet was down to the last day you would be here. Would you invest in your time differently? Yes, I intentionally chose the word invest, as you should consider your time as a precious investment.

The next time you tell someone you wish you had more time, or that you don’t have any time, I’m hopeful the tips above will provide you with an opportunity to re-think and remove or reduce saying this soon.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leaders #Motivation #Timemanagement #Strategy #Personaldevelopment #Sportscoach #Teams #Sportsteams #Communication #Awareness #Professionaldevelopment #Business #Productivity #Teamdynamics

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Getting ahead. What does this take?

Are the proverbial goal posts for achievement in a constant state of being redefined? They potentially are, which makes it much more difficult to determine what it can or will take to attain achievement. Achievement in terms of being able to move up to the next level in a variety of different categories associated with both work and sports.

Upon listening to a recent conversation about how different generations define what it takes to get ahead in the workforce, one generation was implying you needed to basically be “on-call” and respond to communications 24-7. This included doing this during your official vacation time, with no exceptions to this thinking. The other generation wasn’t buying into having to always be available to get ahead and thought this was an unhealthy practice. Also, one they were not going to be subscribing to get ahead.

What was interesting about the generation that thinks you need to always be available, is that they couldn’t seem to wrap their minds about considering a different approach. Their method of always being in constant communication had seemingly gotten them to where they wanted to be from a career attainment level, but is this method sustainable? It seems like a solid recipe for overwhelm, burnout at some point, or resentment. Then what?

The generation who looks at what it takes to get ahead without continuous communication access has an interesting outlook. One that appears to be a healthier approach from many levels. Although arguably this hasn’t been completely time tested yet, as the generation which thinks this way doesn’t have enough experience or attainment in higher level roles to fully play out the outcome from their approach. However, I see strong merit in their thinking, despite the fact there may be some fundamental flaws. Flaws which could be modified to ensure a higher level of success for their model. This accounts for considering that extremes of any type are typically not always ending favorably.

When a person is in a scenario when they feel obligated to be responding to others continuously, it can quickly put them into a state of hyper reactiveness. I’m not a medical expert, but as a human, I know that maintaining being in reaction mode is exhausting. I also know that when a human is exhausted, they tend not to make the best decisions. So, if someone is in a leadership role and they are exhausted and making poor decisions, who benefits from this outcome? That would be no one.

We know there are a variety of different leadership styles, and some are more suitable and sustainable than others. Whether you are intentional about selecting your leadership style, or mimicking one or multiple ones you have seen is in general how most leaders end up with their style. If they are fortunate to have witnessed a variety of leadership styles, they are better oriented towards being able to pick and choose the best attributes. Optimistically thinking, they are also able to recognize the less desirable attributes and not adopt them into their style.

Although, like habits, leadership styles can be either further enhanced or modified or broken if they are not serving the leader well. This is typically accomplished with support, with the first step of the leader recognizing an aspect of their style may not be working well for them or those they are leading.

Circling back to the aspect of unspoken and unwritten rules to get ahead, do they really exist? In my opinion, they do, but they are more difficult to fully know what they are, and who is monitoring which ones are still in play. Especially since there are vast generational differences about which of the “rules” are being followed, embraced, or dismissed. Since there appears to be a disparity in terms of which “game of rules” is out there which is loosely structured to define someone’s ability to succeed or to get to the next level, below are some suggestions to consider how to make this arbitrary set of rules become more understandable.

  • Depending on what type of work or level of sport you are in, the rules for what it takes to get ahead will vary. What complicates this is the arbitrary nature of defining if the rules for one person’s level of achievement will apply to anyone else. Some of the aspects will, but you will need to consider which ones have more perceived value within the organization.
  • Metrics can be helpful to define achievement but achieving them does not guarantee you will be a strong leader, or able to apply your ability to achieve as an individual and then shift these same achievement tactics to leading others. Often the individual achievement metrics are different from the metrics a leader will be measured by. For example, this is why you often see a top salesperson being elevated to the level of sales leader, but their success as an individual contributor does not offer any guarantee they will have the same level of success leading others.
  • What’s your end game on achievement, and what are you willing to sacrifice to get there? What if you don’t make it? Will it really be worth it?
  • Working on increasing your emotional intelligence is one of the categories just about everyone can benefit from. Look for opportunities to flex and build this skill whenever possible. It will serve you very well to increase your ability from an achievement perspective.
  • Communicating effectively is a skill that can always be enhanced. The good news is that there are a variety of communication types (e.g., written, spoken, non-verbal and visual), and you don’t have to master all of them. Although working towards mastering one will be in your favor. Mastering two will be a bonus.
  • Manners. Yes, manners and treating others well will work in your favor and will allow others to favor you over other people who do not treat them well or are dismissive and are stingy with basic words such as “please” and “thank you”.
  • Having a willingness to help others, have and being open mind and unselfish while considering others will serve both future leaders and future head sports coaches well. People notice these behaviors, but don’t always comment on them, and are possibly keeping a mental score on whether you are participating favorably in these areas, or not.

If you have a willingness to achieve and to get ahead based on what your personal definition of this means, I’m sure you will get to where you want to be. I’m also hopeful that you will take into consideration also striking a balance towards both your personal and professional life, as I noted earlier that extremes tend not to serve anyone well.

TAGS: #Leader #Leadership #Leadershiptips #Communication #Success #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Motivation #Teams #Sports #Sportscoach #Teamdynamics #Awareness #Sales

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How to thrive after a disappointment.

How amazing would it be to never have to handle experiencing a disappointment? It could be great! However, when I think about the times I have experienced being on the receiving end of information I wanted to be different, I can tell you the unanticipated outcome has generally turned out better than I anticipated it would have. Does this have to do with my attitude? Sure, it does. Yet this is only one of the dimensions which contribute to the initial disappointment turning into a better situation.

I don’t know about you, but I have never met a perfect person. Although sarcastically we know people who claim to either be close to perfect, even these individuals have been known to have experienced at least one major disappointment in their lives. They may not admit this, but if you asked them enough questions, you would ultimately determine there was a point in their past where a major disappointment contributed to who and where they are today in their lives, or professionally.

In my experience, people who take more risks and push themselves to higher levels of achievements will typically be the ones who are regularly experiencing hearing outcomes they would have preferred to be different. However, they continue to strive to seek a different outcome. If they are an athlete, they do this in a simplistic explanation by training and eating differently and are more strategic about how they work towards altering their performance metrics. They also seek guidance from people who have had success, or via experts in areas they can benefit from.

Businesspeople will take a similar approach to athletes in terms of modifying their performance outcomes to be more ideally suited towards their goals, and to minimize their performance metrics being disappointing to them. Or, to the people on their team who are counting on them to succeed. Independent of what type of career or industry you are in, I’m certain you can think of a time when you were on the receiving end of news you wanted to be different. Perhaps you had to deliver less than desirable news to someone you lead? No one wants to be in either of these positions, but it is a reality, and they will occur. Even when it appears you have a fool-proof plan to prevent it from happening.

I was reading a quote from Ray Kroc the founder of McDonald’s hamburger chain, and it struck me as being simplistically brilliant. Paraphrasing the quote, he said “a person is either green and growing, or ripe and rotting”. I’m sure you would want to be known as someone who is represented by the first part of this quote, but if you are in the latter part, your share of disappointments might be due to the fact you have become stagnant? Yes, being green and growing as an analogy can certainly contribute to experiencing disappointments, but I’m of the opinion I would rather be growing, and if part of the growth equation includes disappointments, as I know for a fact, I will learn from them. More so from the disappointments I might experience if I’m on the “ripe side” and rotting. Why? Because you know when you are “ripe and rotting”, and if you remain on the green and growth side, you can continue to learn and experience the opportunities which will come from your growth. I want to emphasize this is also independent of which decade in life you are in. Potentially it’s even more important to have a growth mindset as your decades add up, as we want to keep our brains sharp, and not succumb to thinking we don’t need to learn anything new because we are too old to do so.

In considering whether there is an ideal way to handle either experiencing a disappointment, or perhaps disappointing someone else, below are some suggestions you can consider or share with someone else who might need them. Especially if they are a leader or sports coach who are on a regular basis contending with having to handle the aspects associated with the concept of disappointment.

  • Keeping negative news directed towards you in perspective can take practice. It can be hard to hear, but intently listening to what is being said can provide you with valuable clues which you can benefit from, especially when you take time to process hearing the information.
  • Sometimes we can prepare and brace for hearing less than desirable news. However, consider if there was anything you could have done to make this news a self-fulfilling prophecy? Unfortunately, there are times when we will self-sabotage a situation, so hearing the news shouldn’t be too surprising. The takeaway is going back and considering the “why” did you self-sabotage the scenario?
  • There are very few circumstances we can’t learn something from. This includes being on the receiving end of the news you would rather not hear. The trick is to commit to practicing having a growth mindset, as this will contribute to how well or poorly you will handle experiencing the negative information you are receiving.
  • When you are hearing disappointing news, are you quick to blame someone else and are immediately defensive towards the bearer of the news? Sure, it’s possible another person or others contributed to what you are hearing, but factor in the “why” are you the one who is hearing this news independently? Perhaps hearing this news in this manner might be favorable to you. Why? Because you will have an opportunity to privately come up with a plan on how to leverage this information in a favorable way, potentially with the person who is sharing the news with you.
  • When someone disappoints another person, it might not on face value be what they consciously meant to do. Consider they may have done so as a cry for help, or potentially for attention they have not been able to garner via other attempted methods. It’s also possible the person on the receiving end feels worse than the news bearer, and their act of disappointing you is going to cause more mental angst than any action you can apply to prevent this circumstance from occurring again.
  • Factor in that when you are on the receiving end of disappointing news, that this is a moment in time. Circumstances can change, time will fade and heal your mental wounds eventually, and that you are not defined exclusively by what you are hearing. You can change and grow from the news you are hearing at any point in your life. Believing this is key and grant yourself permission to allow this to be potentially a new way of thinking which you will benefit from.

One of my colleagues in the past used to say in situations that warranted either bravery or a different perspective to “put on your big girl pants”. Anytime I personally come across a disappointing scenario, both this and Ray Kroc’s previously mentioned quote pops into my mind and allows me to remain optimistic. Although none of us wants to experience disappointment, there are upsides to this concept, you simply must be willing to look for and appreciate what they are.

TAGS: #Leadership #Management #Sales #Leader #Salesleader #Sales #Sportscoach #Sports #Motivation #Awareness #Positivity #Development #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Disappointment #Tipsondealingwithdisappointment