I remember when I was in the second grade looking forward to going to one of my neighborhood friend’s birthday party, but the birthday party didn’t occur. It didn’t occur because something tragically sad occurred. My young friend had leukemia and she died the day before her birthday. This was the first time in my life that I had the experience of understanding what loss and sadness meant at a tender age and in a highly impressionable way.
This one experience profoundly set the stage for how I came to adopt the stance of not expecting anything. In many ways, this outlook, albeit not my typically positive outlook approach, has served me well. It has served me well by in some ways guarding my feelings, while also attempting to remain open to possibilities. Yes, I know this is contradictory, but I also feel that it helps me to balance my thinking and expectations. It might not be the right approach for everyone, and I can appreciate that, but it’s what works for me.
Many people would agree that having a balance is generally a favorable approach to most scenarios. I liken this to the sways in life and business that people experience with the highs and lows that can occur. Some people are drawn to the adrenaline rush of the highs that are achieved via stellar performance either on a work or sports team, but the reality is, the highs are generally not sustainable. If they were, in some respects we might not have the same drive to get back to them when we begin to err in the oppositive direction.
In terms of expectation setting, I’m not implying that I take on a negative approach when it comes to what my end game will look like. I simply will think about what the best, worst and middle of the road outcomes could present, while doing my best to remain in the neural thinking zone. When I do this, I feel like I am conserving both energy, and able to focus more on accomplishing whatever I am working on at the most desirable level possible. Either alone, or with others I am working with.
Other people have noticed my approach, and tell me that I am almost Zen like, especially in heightened and emotionally charged scenarios. This is probably why my mom always suggested I should have gone into the medical field. Although I’m satisfied with the fact I didn’t, as I can barely put on a Band-Aid securely. However, my Zen-like ability has served me well as a leader and being able to think clearly when others around me struggle with doing so.
As I developed my early on approach not to expect anything in any given scenario, the outcomes have generally been far more favorable than I would have expected them to be. This approach also served me well when I was pivoting my early career into the one I am in. Especially when I would hear from certain people that they couldn’t understand at first why I would be making the career move I was doing. It didn’t matter to me that someone didn’t understand either my why, or the approach I was taking to head in a different professional direction. Why? Because I knew intuitively that by focusing on the result, I would eventually get to where I wanted to be. This is also independent of whether I was going to feel supported or not by my decision.
Yes, adopting the approach of not expecting anything can feel lonely at times, but I remind myself that this feeling is temporary. I also think about the fact that the direction I have chosen to go in is also beyond what I imagined in terms of how rewarding my new career is each day. A feeling I seldomly experienced when I was in my former career.
Now that I have shared why my approach to not expecting anything has served me well, I’m not going to suggest this method will work for everyone. Namely because I don’t believe in a one size fits all approach, and fully embrace that differences can be both a strengthener and uniter. In this case, think of the opposites attract approach.
If you are inclined as a leader, sports coach or individual to “test drive” whether or not expecting anything could be a method you would want to try, below are some ideas I have for you to consider.
- It’s possible that only having a positive outlook has served you well most of the time. If this is the case, then I recommend you stick with this approach.
- Being able to maintain a neutral thinking outlook will take practice and can be frustrating at first to make the attempt to do this. However, just like practicing anything to master it, you will need to go through a series of stages before you realize you are making progress and will eventually arrive at your destination.
- Ask yourself if you will be able to have an open enough mindset to attempt this new type of thinking. Be realistic and satisfied with the fact that the timing of doing this might not work for you presently, but with different professional or personal circumstances, it could work for you.
- Consider the concept of “Switzerland” being a neutral example. It will take some grit, determination and focus to adopt this new way of thinking but consider the benefits Switzerland has gained from their stance.
- Typically, my experience has been that my neutral expectations were generally favorable, but often, my expectations are far exceeded when I don’t have heightened ones.
- I’m not a huge fan of being surprised, especially by negative outcomes, but realistically, the approach to not expecting anything has served me exceptionally well, particularly when I am pleasantly surprised by positive outcomes.
If you embark upon attempting the approach to not expecting anything, please remember that it will be a journey, and much of the delight in mastering this concept will be the process of mastering the concept itself. Enjoy your journey.
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