Connected socially, but not really

My father is the perfect example of someone who has enormously benefitted from mobile and social media connections. He was not someone you would classify as an early adopter of technology, but when he was reluctantly coaxed into purchasing his first mobile phone, it was a life changing experience for him.

Having three children and seven grandchildren, with his mobile phone, my father now had a new way to communicate with people that was far different from the standard way of speaking with people on the phone as he had done so for years. He still enjoys speaking on the phone, but his mobile phone has opened up a whole new way for him to communicate.

Texting appears to be his newest favorite form of communicating, and based on the number of emoji’s he has, I personally think he must send emoji ideas to designers, or has them created for him. He also loves sending all of us unique photos which tie into our interests and hobbies, and I am also amazed at how he does this so well.

Although mobile communications and social media are powerful connecting methods, they are also only one to two-dimensional in terms of being able to connect people. Connecting with people face to face is still the most powerful way of communicating with others. However, given the choice, it seems that more people will opt to engage with people via social media versus seeing them in person. Obviously, there are some people who we cannot easily see in person due to distance or other extenuating circumstances, and this is an upside to social media interactions.

Since engaging with social media has a relatively low barrier for easily being able to interact with people, I have seen that more people will defer to this type of engagement rather than making the effort to see people in person. What they may not realize, is that the social media interactions they have do not have the same level of genuineness and impact level that in person interactions have. In person interactions take planning and time, and given the fact people are so busy, they will generally defer to interacting via social media versus in person connections.

Fewer in person interactions and increased social media interactions are what in my opinion have contributed to people being less apt to have strong face to face conversations, as well as making them feel less connected to others. There is a serious disconnect that occurs when we exclusively communicate via social media, or have this method of interacting with others at such a high percentage rate which causes an imbalance for us socially.

Humans have a strong need and desire to socially engage with others, and our social media interactions cannot be a complete substitution for this. However, when you are out in public, look around and just about half or more of the people you see will be heads down, with their phone commanding their full attention. I have often wondered if due to this phenomenon and new reality, if it has contributed to our levels of anxiety and depression. This could also be despite the fact people think they are fully socially engaging with others, but in reality, they really are not.

In person communications takes both patience and practice, and engaging in social media does not necessarily contribute to helping to enhance these skills. So, if you feel as if your anxiety levels are on the increase, consider utilizing your social media communications to set-up face to face interactions with people. Doing this will make you feel much more connected, and will help to develop your actual and real relationship with the people you are engaging with either personally or professionally.

Start queuing up your in-person meetings with your on-line people right now. Once you do this, you will then start enjoying the benefits of truly leveraging the full power of your on-line world of connections, especially when you have them cross over into your real world. What are you waiting for? I’ll be waiting to hear from you.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. She is also the author of a newly published business book called Wisdom Whisperer which is available via Amazon.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis, which produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results.

If you want better results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

 

(5) Tips – Improve How to Get Along with Others

Like most folks, you probably did not realize just how important that first year of school was and why would you, as you were a five-year-old with limited life skills. But, as Robert Fulghum, author of ‘All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten’ proclaims, we really were all taught some critical life skills – like how to get along.

Sometimes I wonder if some people skipped Kindergarten, or were napping through the ‘how to get along with others’ lessons, or were too distracted with anything else going on at that time. If you did not pick up on the fundamental getting-along-with-others skills you missed, let’s review a few examples of how you can teach yourself, and learn the lessons that passed you by in Kindergarten.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you actually meet people?  How you have maintained the friendships and relationships you have made? Chances are, you learned these skills a long time ago from both your parents and primary school teachers, yet you were blissfully unaware of the fact you were developing these abilities.

There are fundamental elements associated with how to get along well with others, but sometimes people either forget them, or, perhaps they did not learn them well. If you have ever wondered why some people seem to be gifted with being able to get along with others, I will let you in on a little secret. It is really not that hard to do, but you will have to make a genuine effort.

Most humans have a pretty well-developed fraud meter, and can easily tell when someone is not being sincere. We have all encountered people like this. It is uncomfortable to be around them, but I also feel sad for these phony baloneys. Why? Because they are unaware of how they are perceived, and likely wonder why they do not have many genuine friends.

Have you heard of the expression “Play nice in the sandbox?”  This is one of the fundamental elements associated with getting along with others, and consists of being polite and respectful of others. Savvy senior executives know that if they don’t follow the simple lessons they learned in Kindergarten, they risk getting thrown out of the sandbox.

People who have not been taught manners and the reasons they should be respectful to others, run the risk of doing something wrong in their quest to get along. So, if you happen to be one of these people, or know someone who seemed to miss the fundamental building blocks to learn how to get along with others, here are a few tips to get you started, or back on track.

  • When you meet someone, ask how they are doing, and really pay attention to how they answer. Most people will be polite and give you a brief response, but this will give you the leverage to advance the conversation.

 

  • Given the chance, and if time permits, ask the person, where they grew up, and what led them to where they are today, either professionally or personally. People love to talk about themselves, so leverage this opportunity. I am always amazed by the fact that once I get someone talking, they may not realize they have not asked me any questions. This is OK, but it also points out they have not fully developed their ‘getting along’ skills.

 

  • Ask the person you are interacting with if you can help them in some way, especially if you are their colleague. They may not take you up on your offer, but if you start asking with what they are challenged right now, you can seize on the opportunity to tell them how you may be able to help. When you assist someone professionally, even if it is something as simple as making an introduction, they are more appreciative of this than you might imagine. Why? Because this is an example of being genuine, and you come across as being sincere.

 

  • Do something nice for the person you have met, or the people you work with or are getting to know. It does not have to mean you go out and buy them something extravagant. It could be that you share an article or YouTube video with them related to the work you are doing. Don’t just do this once, send them a couple of them over the course of a few weeks. Just don’t overdo and be thought a stalker! There are plenty of other examples of what else you can do which are nice gestures. The point is to be creative and do something for others that demonstrates how you are a genuinely nice person. This makes you more approachable and likeable.

 

  • Consider meeting people an opportunity to see the ‘diamond’ beneath the surface. Don’t get caught up thinking you need to be best friends with everyone. You do not, but at the same time, look at every encounter a chance to uncover another layer of your co-worker’s personality. You will find that most people with whom you work are incredibly interesting, gifted in their own way, and have a great deal to offer.

The bottom line is that you simply need to invest time in learning how to get along with others. Doing this is one of the most important skills to have in order to increase your future career options, and have access to an incredible network of fascinating people, some of whom you will cherish having in your life.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. We also work with individuals from students to executives and business and sports teams to coach them to learn how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.

Announcement: My first business book called Wisdom Whisperer, is now available via Amazon. Pick one up, or get one for your friend or colleague. I’ve been told this is a great gift for upcoming college graduates, but it is also highly suitable for people in all stages of their life and careers, as the book format is like a buffet, and you can choose to read or not read the topics which suit you best.

Karma and kindness. What’s your impact on others?

By Kathleen E. Murphy

With all the sad news overwhelming us this past month, I started thinking about what could I or others do to help to offset all the “negative” things and vibes happening in our world. One thing I saw which was posted on-line was a list of kind things someone could do to inspire more acts of kindness. Most of these acts could be applied in a professional environment, but were namely intended to occur outside of a business environment.

Last week I attended a marketing technology event in Boston and American Author, Entrepreneur and fellow Marketer Seth Godin was the afternoon keynote speaker. One of the questions which came up at the end of his speech, was what can we do to offset all the negative news? Seth indicated that although the news is real, and is certainly sensational, he brought up a point which struck home and related to television journalist Wolf Blitzer. He asked the audience to think about why Wolf is always in the “situation room”? If he is always in a “situation room”, then there must be a situation going on, and of course this will then automatically sensationalize the topic related to the “situation room”. In other words, by establishing Wolf is in a “situation room”, naturally evokes a negative connotation. This then feeds into what the media is often criticized for which is to promote topics which are geared only for ratings purposes. This is one reason I prefer to obtain my news from sources which are more “neutral”, and actually focused on not putting their own spin, usually a negative one on the topic.

Now, back to what can we do in a professional environment to begin a chain reaction of inciting more acts of kindness. There are plenty of examples of what we can do, and I wanted to share with you ones I have participated in, or been the recipient of. I would love to hear back from people about the random acts of kindness they are doing, or on the receiving end of. We can all certainly use an infusion of kindness, and positivity in our daily lives. The trick will be to not become complacent and stop being kind to others each day. Here’s my list of acts of kindness which I hope you will benefit from and use:

  1. Smile at everyone you see and say hello to them too. Yes, everyone.
  2. Bring in some “treats”, healthy ones if you can (e.g., fruit) to share with your colleagues, once a week if possible. Inspire others to participate too.
  3. Buy some flowers and put one flower in a small cup of water and place it on as many people’s desks as you can. I actually did this one day, and passed out over (40) flowers, without telling anyone who did this. The reaction people had about receiving a single flower was so much fun to see how happy it made them.
  4. Bring in an item or items from your home to be donated. Put them in a box, ask others to contribute one item, and then take the full box to your favorite charity.
  5. Send your colleagues an e-card. There are a number of “free” e-card options. Here is a link to (11) places to find “free” greeting cards .
  6. If you have a special talent (e.g., you play an instrument, are an artist, know how to make things – websites, quilts, sweaters, clothes, robots, jewelry), offer to share your talent or teach them about your talent during a break or prior to or after work.
  7. Take some photos of your colleagues at work, share them with them, and then let them decide what to do with them. If they have kids, it might be fun for them to share the photo with their kids or significant others to have a “random” photo of them at work.
  8. Have some extra books around your house? Bring them in to share with your colleagues. Leave them in a public place with a note that they are for others to now enjoy. They can keep them, pass them along, or bring them back in for others to read.
  9. If you have access to tickets of any kind, offer to give them to the first person who sends you an email to claim them. The tickets could even be to a local middle or high school play or concert.
  10. Offer to donate an hour of your time to a colleague outside of work who might need help with a project (e.g., they are moving, they need help assembling something, they need help in their yard or with fixing their car or something in their home).
  11. Celebrate people’s birthday’s and accomplishments – even the ones which might seem insignificant. The point is to have more celebrations for the sake of creating smiles and opportunities for people to focus on something positive.
  12. Genuinely compliment as many people during the course of a day you interact with. It could be something as simple as they have neat handwriting, or are always on-time to meetings.

This list is clearly only the start, and I hope the actual catalyst for others to think about the kind things they can do each day to make other people they work with and their lives a bit brighter each day. What kind thing(s) will you be doing today?

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.

 

Going out for lunch and coffee is more important than you think.

Link to the CBS Radio interview about this article on The Price of Business with Kevin Price on July 9, 2018 from Dublin, Ireland.

By Kathleen E. Murphy

It might seem obvious as a relationship building tool, but have you taken full advantage of getting to know one of your colleagues, or perhaps your boss or team better via a cup of joe or soup? When I ask people how often they make plans to go out to lunch or coffee with others they work with, I am always surprised by how few people are doing this. Or, at least not on a regular basis. Personally, I have experienced incredible transformations in terms of the relationship I had post my coffee and lunch interactions with people I have gone out with.

As a matter of fact, there was one time when I asked a colleague out to lunch simply to see why they were acting so passively aggressively towards me. Some of my other colleagues thought I was crazy for investing any time or energy in the relationship with this passive aggressive individual. However, the outcome from just one lunch with this person turned them from being a nightmare to work with, to being one of my biggest supporters, and who post our lunch experience, worked collaboratively with me from that point on. What made the difference from having lunch with this person? It was actually pretty simple. This person did not fully understand the work I was asking him to do, and he thought it was a waste of his time to be doing the work. What he did not realize was that the work he was doing was enormously helpful to me and understanding the analysis he produced. When he realized his work was perceived as being a valuable contribution to the business, his passive aggressive behavior evaporated, and he turned into a nice person to work with. We continued to have lunch, and actually have kept in touch since we stopped working together.

The example I have given you was not in fact an anomaly, and I have been able to repeat similar results with almost 100% of the people I have spent time with. This simple exercise is absolutely applicable to any person in an organization you are working with. All you have to do is ask them out for coffee or lunch.  Here are some questions you can use to have similar results I have experienced.

  • Start by asking them if they like to travel?
  • If they have not done much traveling, ask them about what are three places in the world they would like to visit someday.
  • Ask them to tell you if they have any pets.
  • Ask them to share with you if they have any favorite charities.
  • Ask them how they picked the career they are in?
  • Would they recommend their career choice to others?
  • What would they say is their “super power”, and how do they use it on a regular basis?
  • Do they enjoy learning about topics unrelated to their profession, or do they invest their free time learning more about topics related to how to advance in their current role?
  • Who inspires them?
  • Basically, get them talking about themselves, and you will be amazed by the fact they might not reciprocate and ask you anything about yourself.

If the conversation goes the way I predict it will; and I have years of experience with coffee and lunch outings, by the end of your time together, you will have “planted-the-seeds” to develop an entirely different relationship with the person you spent time with. Now, the next step in this process is to make a list of the people you need to start queuing up coffee and lunch experiences with. You can either invite them informally by talking to them and agreeing upon a date and time to get together, or you can send them an email invitation asking them when (not if) you can “treat them” to coffee or lunch.

The more experiences you have with going out for coffee and lunch with the people on your “list”, the more opportunities you will have to expand your network, be considered an influencer, and in general take your career in a direction I promise you would not be headed in without doing this.  So, what are you waiting for? Start putting your list together and sending out your invitations today. Doing so will open up a whole new world of opportunities for you on your professional journey, and it is never too early or late to do this.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too  bridges teams and provides organizations with techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Ms. Murphy is also the author of a newly published business book called Wisdom Whisperer which is available via Amazon.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis.

If you want better results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.