Category: #Professionalnetwork

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Getting ahead. What does this take?

Are the proverbial goal posts for achievement in a constant state of being redefined? They potentially are, which makes it much more difficult to determine what it can or will take to attain achievement. Achievement in terms of being able to move up to the next level in a variety of different categories associated with both work and sports.

Upon listening to a recent conversation about how different generations define what it takes to get ahead in the workforce, one generation was implying you needed to basically be “on-call” and respond to communications 24-7. This included doing this during your official vacation time, with no exceptions to this thinking. The other generation wasn’t buying into having to always be available to get ahead and thought this was an unhealthy practice. Also, one they were not going to be subscribing to get ahead.

What was interesting about the generation that thinks you need to always be available, is that they couldn’t seem to wrap their minds about considering a different approach. Their method of always being in constant communication had seemingly gotten them to where they wanted to be from a career attainment level, but is this method sustainable? It seems like a solid recipe for overwhelm, burnout at some point, or resentment. Then what?

The generation who looks at what it takes to get ahead without continuous communication access has an interesting outlook. One that appears to be a healthier approach from many levels. Although arguably this hasn’t been completely time tested yet, as the generation which thinks this way doesn’t have enough experience or attainment in higher level roles to fully play out the outcome from their approach. However, I see strong merit in their thinking, despite the fact there may be some fundamental flaws. Flaws which could be modified to ensure a higher level of success for their model. This accounts for considering that extremes of any type are typically not always ending favorably.

When a person is in a scenario when they feel obligated to be responding to others continuously, it can quickly put them into a state of hyper reactiveness. I’m not a medical expert, but as a human, I know that maintaining being in reaction mode is exhausting. I also know that when a human is exhausted, they tend not to make the best decisions. So, if someone is in a leadership role and they are exhausted and making poor decisions, who benefits from this outcome? That would be no one.

We know there are a variety of different leadership styles, and some are more suitable and sustainable than others. Whether you are intentional about selecting your leadership style, or mimicking one or multiple ones you have seen is in general how most leaders end up with their style. If they are fortunate to have witnessed a variety of leadership styles, they are better oriented towards being able to pick and choose the best attributes. Optimistically thinking, they are also able to recognize the less desirable attributes and not adopt them into their style.

Although, like habits, leadership styles can be either further enhanced or modified or broken if they are not serving the leader well. This is typically accomplished with support, with the first step of the leader recognizing an aspect of their style may not be working well for them or those they are leading.

Circling back to the aspect of unspoken and unwritten rules to get ahead, do they really exist? In my opinion, they do, but they are more difficult to fully know what they are, and who is monitoring which ones are still in play. Especially since there are vast generational differences about which of the “rules” are being followed, embraced, or dismissed. Since there appears to be a disparity in terms of which “game of rules” is out there which is loosely structured to define someone’s ability to succeed or to get to the next level, below are some suggestions to consider how to make this arbitrary set of rules become more understandable.

  • Depending on what type of work or level of sport you are in, the rules for what it takes to get ahead will vary. What complicates this is the arbitrary nature of defining if the rules for one person’s level of achievement will apply to anyone else. Some of the aspects will, but you will need to consider which ones have more perceived value within the organization.
  • Metrics can be helpful to define achievement but achieving them does not guarantee you will be a strong leader, or able to apply your ability to achieve as an individual and then shift these same achievement tactics to leading others. Often the individual achievement metrics are different from the metrics a leader will be measured by. For example, this is why you often see a top salesperson being elevated to the level of sales leader, but their success as an individual contributor does not offer any guarantee they will have the same level of success leading others.
  • What’s your end game on achievement, and what are you willing to sacrifice to get there? What if you don’t make it? Will it really be worth it?
  • Working on increasing your emotional intelligence is one of the categories just about everyone can benefit from. Look for opportunities to flex and build this skill whenever possible. It will serve you very well to increase your ability from an achievement perspective.
  • Communicating effectively is a skill that can always be enhanced. The good news is that there are a variety of communication types (e.g., written, spoken, non-verbal and visual), and you don’t have to master all of them. Although working towards mastering one will be in your favor. Mastering two will be a bonus.
  • Manners. Yes, manners and treating others well will work in your favor and will allow others to favor you over other people who do not treat them well or are dismissive and are stingy with basic words such as “please” and “thank you”.
  • Having a willingness to help others, have and being open mind and unselfish while considering others will serve both future leaders and future head sports coaches well. People notice these behaviors, but don’t always comment on them, and are possibly keeping a mental score on whether you are participating favorably in these areas, or not.

If you have a willingness to achieve and to get ahead based on what your personal definition of this means, I’m sure you will get to where you want to be. I’m also hopeful that you will take into consideration also striking a balance towards both your personal and professional life, as I noted earlier that extremes tend not to serve anyone well.

TAGS: #Leader #Leadership #Leadershiptips #Communication #Success #Management #Professionaldevelopment #Motivation #Teams #Sports #Sportscoach #Teamdynamics #Awareness #Sales

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Mean girls…mean women. Didn’t they get the memo?

Yes, I’m charged up about this topic, because I’m tired of hearing about it, and even more exasperated by the fact the now “mean women” are persisting to behave in such an abhorrent manor. Especially towards women. What’s worse is that some men don’t even notice their behavior. Why don’t they? Because these women have mastered the art of behaving entirely differently around men…much nicer, and not that way towards many if not all of the women they interact with. Is this an accusation that is too harsh? Perhaps, but unfortunately in many instances it is a valid one.

I consider myself to be fortunate, as I’ve seen this behavior, but I haven’t had to contend with it regularly. You might wonder is this a generational “thing”? No, it’s not, as I have seen the “mean woman” behavior exhibited across multiple decades. Did I ever imagine this would persist? Well, I had hoped by the time I got to the decade I’m in that it might have either been resolved or been less problematic.

One thing I pride myself in is not being a hypocrite. I have never been a “mean girl”. Just the opposite, and I consider myself to serve as a role model for how to act nicely and well when I’m interacting with other women. A phrase that consistently pops into my mind is one I would routinely hear from my mom. She would say, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Another phrase she would regularly say is “think about complimenting someone before you criticize them.” During my life I have leveraged these two phrases consistently, and I have also passed them along to all the women in my life I have led and interacted with.

The question should be asked “why do women treat other women poorly?” Notably in the workforce or on a sports team? There are a variety of answers, and the first one I’ll tell you about why they do is out of a lack of confidence in themselves. They act in a negative way against other women to make themselves feel better, or more confident. Yes, this might seem counterintuitive, and it is. What’s worse is that it’s a temporary feeling, so it becomes a persistent behavior pattern. Self-serving, but not in a way that will solve the core issue relating to them understanding why their confidence level is low.

Another reason some women act in a disgraceful manner towards other women is because they feel threatened by them usurping attention from them. Attention coming mainly from men, but occasionally from other women too. When they are acting this way, they may or may not be aware of the fact other women are seeing through what they are attempting to achieve, and typically at another women’s expense. Meanwhile, most men are unaware of this happening, because they are only noticing the attention from the women being directed at them. Usually positive attention, so the men are not necessarily going to do anything to prevent this from happening. Even if they might slightly be aware this attention is negatively impacting another woman. In fact, the more attention that is lavished, and which results in a favorable outcome for the women, the more they will persist in this type of behavior. Namely because no one is shutting it down, and both parties appear to be getting what they want. However, at what expense?

Some women will act poorly to other women, and act well or favorably towards men because they think this is the way for them to fit in. Perhaps to also gain more control, leverage, or to increase their leadership standing. Again, this could temporarily present why these actions are occurring, but it’s not a long term or successful strategy. Why not? Because at some point, the mean women will have to sort out how to interact well with other women. Especially when they will get to a stage when their prior behavior strategies of playing in the grey areas (e.g., excessive flirting, trying to act like one of the guys) to garner attention won’t work favorably for them anymore.

Do I think that mean girls who graduate to being mean women notice or care about how they are behaving? I have mixed feelings about this. They are mixed because I do know if some of them know exactly how they are behaving, and why they are doing so. There are others who legitimately are doing so because of behavior they have seen modeled that was inappropriate, yet they thought it was the only or best course of action for them to get results. Of course, this is unfortunate, especially because they didn’t have strong women role models to show them how to appropriately interact with others and not at the expense of either gender.

If you are leader or sports coach, and if you know someone who would be classified as a “mean girl” or who has graduated onto being a “mean woman”, I can offer some advice on how to address these women. My advice stems from having turned many of their behaviors around and graduating them onto not being in their previously and unfortunate behavior club.

  • One of my favorite questions is asking someone “Why did you say that?” Have the person explain to you why they said what they said and continue to repeat this question until you obtain a satisfactory response. Perhaps even a warranted apology.
  • When you can do so privately, ask the person if they are aware of how they are coming across to other women? Tell them you have an example which demonstrated their behavior in a way you found to be curious, and that you didn’t understand why they behaved that way. You might be surprised by their response.
  • Ask them who their female role models are.
  • Ask them what characteristics they have favorably learned from their female role models.
  • Ask them what their opinion of “mean girls/woman” are? Again, you might be surprised to find out they are not aware of the fact they are one of them.
  • Ask them if they have ever encountered a “mean girl/woman”, and how did they handle the situation?
  • Ask them if they are in favor of helping other women, and modeling behavior which fosters building up the confidence and leadership qualities in other women? If they are open to doing so, be prepared to have a plan in place to act on this.
  • Ask them if they feel well supported by other women? In fact, they may not have had many positive interactions with other women, which has negatively contributed towards their negative interaction behavior.
  • Determine if the person is willing to be mentored, and whether they are aware that more positive interactions with other women will in fact serve them well as a long-term leadership strategy.

Having now written about this topic, I am hopeful it will serve as a catalyst for constructive conversations, increasing the awareness level for both women and men on this topic, and offer some actionable approaches to alter this type of behavior going forward. If you have other suggestions, please share them with me, as we are all in this conundrum together.

TAGS: #Leadership #Teams #Sportscoach #Awareness #Motivation #Teamdynamics #Management #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Strategy #Successtips #Leadershiptips #Women #Womensbehavior #Advice #Mentor #Meangirls #Meanwomen

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Choosing words that matter.

Even a small word such as yes can make a difference in someone’s life when it is stated at the right time and to the correct person. Consider the last time you expressed this word, and what the context of using it was. Now that you have hindsight on having said “yes”, was this the optimal word to have chosen? Or, would you have rather expressed another word?

It’s not always easy to cobble together words that will have a positive impact, and some people are clearly better at doing this than others. Does it take practice to be able to do this? For most people it does, but there are people who have the ability to be both articulate, succinct

and expressive in a way that will the majority of time have a positive impact based on what they have expressed. I’m sure you also can name someone who does this well.

We don’t always have the chance to practice stating something that will have a positive impact on someone, and even when we have an opportunity to write and then convey our message, it might not achieve its intended purpose. Although the chances of it doing so in writing might be slightly higher because of the reality that you can edit your message, we know there are no guarantees. Which is exactly why choosing the right word or words and stating them to others can be so difficult. Yet, having the ability to do so is certainly worth striving to achieve.

When the right words are conveyed to either another person or a group, it’s always interesting to learn post the message delivery about the variety of impacts and interpretations the listeners had. About half of the listeners will be in agreement with what they heard, while the remaining half will have varying degrees of either taking action on, needing more time to digest the information or potentially not have any impact on them.

When people in a group setting are hearing words expressed to them that are intended to have a positive impact, and the impact doesn’t affect them the way the speaker thought it would, places both the message conveyer and listeners into an interesting place. One that isn’t always ideal, yet provides an opportunity to also dissect what went wrong with the message delivery.

A recent conversation I was having with a leader related to actually not leveraging an opportunity to have the power of their words impact their team. Instead of conveying upfront what they intended the outcome of a situation to be, they opted not to express what they anticipated the results would be. So, the outcome which resulted was highly disappointing to the team, but the leader was in a neutral state, and this caused unintended consequences.

Upon having a post-mortem conversation with this leader about their decision not to leverage words to inspire or express their intentions to the team about how they were perceiving the outcome of the opportunity the team was involved with, was what I refer to as an “ahh-ha” moment. The fact of the matter is that there was a missed opportunity to state up front how the leader would have leveraged the power of expressing what they were thinking, and it was completely different than how the team was thinking and reacted without any explanation. Given this scenario, this is what I refer to as a perfect “course correction” situation. One that provided the chance to leverage the power of words to do so, yet didn’t occur.

At this moment in time, there isn’t closure on the example noted, but there is a next step. The next step is to have a conversation with the leader about how to fully appreciate and apply the power of words to both their own and their teams benefit. Will the initial time they do this have the intended impact they are expecting? I believe it will, and yes, it will take them practice to become better at doing this. However, it’s exactly what they need to do as a leader, and their team also needs them to do. In fact, the team expects this from their leader, and it is an enormous missed opportunity when this doesn’t happen.

If you are a leader or sports team coach or someone who hasn’t been benefitting from the practice of choosing words that matter, below are some suggestions to get you started.

  • Consider what words inspire you. Write them down, and begin practicing using them in sentences on a one-on-one basis with people you regularly interact with.
  • Do some research and listen and read about others who are inspirational speakers.
  • Pay closer attention during conversations to appreciate who is having a positive impact on you based on how they are conveying their message to you.
  • Words can be like weapons, and have unintended negative consequences. So, make sure that the words you choose are meant to be supportive and not punitive.
  • Work on finding your communication style and comfort zone when it is time to convey your words to others. You don’t have to imitate others styles, as it will be both hard to do, and isn’t likely your natural communication style.
  • Always think about what the intended end goal of your communication will be, as sometimes your communication and the words you choose will have different purposes.
  • Factor in making sure that your body language is in alignment with what your words are expressing.
  • Appreciate and be highly responsible for the words you choose to express to others, as they might have a lifelong impact on them.

I’m excited about the opportunity I have today to see the leader I referenced above, and to have a second chance of helping them to leverage their words. Words that I know they want to positively impact the intended outcome for their team today. Let’s hope the suggestions above are ones that will benefit both you and the team you lead. Or, to have a positive impact on any future conversations you are having with others.

TAGS: #Leaders #Sportscoaches #Communication #Powerfulcommunication #Leadership #Motivation #Inspiration #Business #Sports #Sportsteams #Thepowerofwords #Influence #Theimpactofwords #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment #Growthmindset

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New leaders. What are their challenges?

There is something both intriguing and slightly anxiety provoking about newly minted leaders. We know that seldomly do new leaders take the same path to get to where they have arrived, although there may be some common experiences which landed them their title. We also know that some leaders who were put into the position, clearly do not belong there. Perhaps not now, or ever.

Consider a leader you may have worked for that was relatively “green” or less experienced than other leaders you have been associated with. Were there aspects about the approach to how they lead others that you either were impressed by, or were somewhat skeptical of? How was their communication style? Did you have any concerns about how they conveyed information, or did their style lend itself to being acceptable on most levels? What about their grasp of being open-minded and humble enough to accept the fact they were going to need a fair amount of support to guide them? Both in their early days as a leader, and then by their trusted advisors as time goes by.

My experience of working with people who are placed into leadership roles that were not given support resources in their early days, either by choice, or from their lack of awareness for need to have this support in place have not fared as well as the leaders who were given support. Even in some cases minor support. They also benefitted from having support which came in a variety of different formats (e.g., expertise in the areas of strategy, finance, management, sales, culture and communication) to name some of the key areas.

The leaders who didn’t either have access to, or refused to have support due to being overly confident in their abilities are the ones who not far into their leadership role, quickly became overwhelmed. They also often struggle with their communication and management abilities, and worse, made less than sound and rational decisions when they were under the immense pressure they were facing. Of course, these challenges lead to other challenges, which include having difficulty with building trust amongst not only their team they lead, but this had a trickle-down effect. As you might imagine, not the one they would want to continue.

One of the aspects I have always been puzzled by with new leaders, is their overzealous optimism that they have all the experience they need to be deemed fully competent on day one. Realistically no one is, but being humble about this is not only realistic and appreciated by those they are leading, but it also affords them the opportunity to ramp up faster. How? Because the people who are supporting them are more willing to do so because of what I’ll refer to as a refreshing leadership approach or style that appeals to others because it is a more inclusive leadership style. A style that distributes responsibilities and offers people a way to quickly feel more united as a team, as they are working more collaboratively from the onset.

Of course, there is a fair amount of trust the new leader will have to grant to their teams when their style is oriented more towards collaboration, but I have seen this approach work brilliantly, and with minimal downsides. One of the reasons, is due to the fact that it becomes quickly apparent when leadership responsibilities are distributed, who is, or who isn’t pulling their weight, or equally contributing to the organization’s or teams’ collective goals. This isn’t a style that most newly minted leaders are comfortable with, as they often make the classic mistake of trying to do too many things on their own without support. Perhaps they may have done so when they were in an individual contributor role, or had fewer people to manage and lead. I’ve seen this management regression style occur too many times, and the ending is never the one which is desirable.

So, are there actions new leaders can take to help set them up for early success? Yes, there absolutely are, and here are some suggestions on how they can do this.

  • Set-up a small group of outside advisors you can meet with who will be able to provide you with reasonable, objective and actionable advice in a very timely manner.
  • Take note of some less than desirable management actions you resort to when you are under pressure, and come up with a few methods to course correct your actions when you begin to see this occurring.
  • Are you fully aware of your management style, or have you even fully defined what your style is?
  • If you do not have a style that you are aware of, or if it is one that you would like to improve upon, what can you do within the next few weeks to redefine your style? Consider whether you will be able to make these changes on your own, or with some others supporting you. Either internally or externally.
  • On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how would you rate your level of being open-minded?
  • Have you determined what your level of awareness is in terms of how you impact others by way of your own skills in the areas of motivation, collaboration, communication and performance?
  • How concerned are you in terms of the level of risk of your success in your first few years as a leader?
  • Have you defined what your own metrics will be to determine what success will look like for you? It may or may not be in alignment with what others you are leading deem to be acceptable, realistic or achievable.
  • Don’t be afraid or concerned about asking for help. You are going to need more support than you think you will, and by all means, please accept and embrace it.

Even though others want you to be successful, make sure you set yourself up for success by putting people and methods in place which will help to both mitigate your risk of failure, and more importantly, set you up for the success you desire to achieve and have worked really long and hard to get to the point of being in your new leadership role.

TAGS: #Leadership #Success #Motivation #Communication #Teams #Strategy #Embracingsupport #Embracinghelp #Achievement #Awareness #Selfawareness #Leadershipstyle

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Being limitless, and tips on how to be this way as a leader or individual.

I’ve never been the type of person who imposes restrictions upon myself, or others. The funny thing about this, is how many people I have seen do this to themselves. Whether this is something they are doing intentionally is up for debate. When I encounter someone who is doing this, I will ask them if they are aware of my perception of them that this is something they are doing? 

Generally, the answer is that they are not aware of this perception, and will typically ask me for examples of them doing this. The curious thing for me, is that the examples I give them are from my perspective so obvious. More puzzling to me is that my examples appear to be ones they never have heard of before, yet when I point them out, they have an “aaahh-ha” moment of complete clarity. Why is this happening, and is it possible for people to course correct on this challenge themselves?

The answer is that yes, people can course correct, and become more aware of them seemingly being blind to not seeing how they place restrictions on themselves. However, one thing they will need to do first, is to be open-minded and willing to accept the fact they are doing this.

Let’s face a reality here. We know that not everyone is open-minded, but I will stress that everyone does have the capacity to be so. This is one of the keys to allowing yourself to become limitless in terms of how to set yourself up differently as both an individual, or leader. Potentially leaders could be constricted with being open-minded based on rules and regulations they may have imposed on them from others they need to answer to. Not always, and there are always exceptions to this.

Being open-minded and independent as a leader does not mean you have to completely compromise your desire to exercise these characteristics. Although chances are greater that you may need to be more creative and influential to obtain your goals to maintain your or other’s ability to be limitless in your thinking. This should be a challenge most leaders are familiar with, and I’m not suggesting it is easy to accomplish this. However, it will be worth the effort to pursue making this happen.

Focusing on you right now, consider a time in your life when you felt you didn’t have any restrictions imposed on your life or thinking. For context, this is in terms of your thinking and actions which could be coordinated to help you to have unlimited possibilities to pursue and achieve. Yes, responsibilities in one’s life will somewhat hinder unlimited thinking opportunities, but again the strategy is to find work arounds for them. Think of challenges as being simply obstacles that need to be overcome, and that every one of them has at least one solution to do so. This is ideally when your open-mindedness thinking is going to come into play, and yes, you can be open-minded, even if you don’t think it’s possible to be this way.

In terms of tips to help you to become more limitless with your thinking, below are some suggestions I have for you to consider applying.

  • Do you have a clear idea of what you actually want to accomplish? Is this written down anywhere, or have you expressed your vision about what you want to achieve?
  • If you have not written down a list of what you want to accomplish, this is the perfect time to do so, and yes, right after reading this story.
  • Once you have your list, write down next to the items what would be obstacles which would prevent you from accomplishing what you want to achieve.
  • The next step will be for you to come up with a third row which will provide you with solutions to overcome the obstacles you have factored in.
  • The fourth step is going to be putting your list into action, and potentially sharing it with those who it will impact. You are going to want to have others bought into what you are trying to do, and when they are, it will make it much easier to partner with them to help you to do so. Particularly if you are a leader, or sports team coach.
  • Thinking retrospectively, have there been times in your life when you limited yourself? Be honest with yourself, of course there were. This is fine, and even better to admit. More importantly is to peel back your thinking in terms of why you did this. Take some time to think this through, and consider whether there is something similar in your life you are faced with right now, and which you might be doing the exact same thing?
  • Is there a pattern you have established which has contributed to closing off your mind and life or professional world from being able to achieve what you want to because you have self-imposed restrictions on why you can’t do something? You fill in the blank on this, as I guarantee there are more restrictions you have placed upon yourself than you might have been willing to admit. This is one of the reasons why people succumb to being closed minded and introduce restrictions on what they can accomplish personally or professionally.
  • Are you fully committed to attempting to be more accepting of the fact you have not been able to allow yourself to be limitless in your thinking, yet, want to make a concerted effort in achieving being this way?
  • My final suggestion is to give yourself permission to think differently, and to slowly accept that it is possible to do so.

I have personally seen many people transform their way of thinking to be more open-minded, and yes, this does take some practice. No, you will not be an overnight success in attempting to master this, but you will get there. Even better is that once you are solidly on the path to being limitless with your thinking, I can guarantee you will have a lot more fun in your life, and be able to achieve things you never imagined would be possible.

TAGS: #Leadership #Business #Motivation #Success #Tipsonbeingunlimitedinyourthinking #Unlimitedpossibilities #Sportscoach #Thinkingdifferently #Empoweringyourself #Teams #Openmindedness #Beingopenminded #Howtobeopenminded #Tiponhowtobeopenminded

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