Drama. Are you a King or Queen?

Have you ever noticed, and can you name people you interact with at work, at home or in your personal life who seem to have more drama going on than most? I have been watching this occur for many years. Generally, the people who are the drama Kings and Queens seem oblivious to the fact they are likely the ones causing the drama. Or, perhaps they are intentionally causing the drama because they like the attention it brings. Albeit generally its negative attention.

Why would anyone want to intentionally cause negative attention? It serves zero purpose. It is disruptive, and causes an unhealthy divide between the parties involved. Drama generally has a negative perception, and there is no reason for it to exist in the workplace. It appears to be tolerated, or accepted by some people in their personal lives, but if you were to survey people about whether they enjoy it, most would probably say they do not.

Is causing drama a social pattern which people learn from others? Or, is it a type of behavior which evolves from not having learned how to properly interact socially in an acceptable manner? This is sort of like a chicken or the egg conundrum. However, how do you address and help point out to the Kings and Queens that their behavior is not favorable?

The first thing to do is to provide an example of what would be considered a “drama” scenario. I happened to hear about a classic one the other day from a friend of mine. He was telling me about an instance where he was having a pleasant sit down dinner with his family. However, the pleasantries quickly ended when his sister started causing drama. It started with a simple and unfriendly comment to her brother, and escalated from there. The brother admitted he tried to shut down the conversation. Although, what he said back to his sister appeared to increase the level of drama.

Upon looking back at this situation, the brother realizes he had fallen into his sister’s drama trap. He tried to get out of it, and could have if he had simply ignored her initial comment. In other words, his comment back to her was the equivalent of adding gasoline to a fire. It only got worse from there. I asked him why he felt he needed to play into her drama? He told me it was simply a habit of doing so. This is a perfect example of how you can begin to break the drama cycle. It’s really not that hard, but you need to recognize when it is happening, and shut it down immediately.

Based on this example above, do you recognize that you might potentially be the one causing drama? Or, are you on the receiving end of it? In either instance, this is a type of behavior which is highly undesirable. Especially in the workplace.

I have witnessed numerous people who were on a career fast track, and who had this opportunity vanish in front of them due to being overly dramatic, one too many times. This is so unfortunate, because the drama people are their own worst enemies. Although they often tend to blame everyone else for their misfortunes. Sound familiar?

Drama people seem to also have a completely different lens of how they perceive situations. They constantly play the role of the victim. It can be exhausting to be around them. When I encounter people like this, I avoid them. Being around them tends to cause more drama, and drama only has a negative outcome.

So, is there a way to recognize whether you are a drama King or Queen? Yes. Begin by taking a hard look around at your circumstances. Are they self-induced, or do you routinely blame others for what has happened to you? If you are regularly blaming others, chances are high you are the one causing drama. When you recognize and admit to being this way, you can start by instead of blaming everyone for your circumstances, start owning up and being responsible for them.

No one wants to interact at work or home with drama Kings and Queens. So, in the coming weeks, take off your crown, and commit to dropping the drama act. When you do, you will actually begin seeing what positive things can happen in your life.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of MarketMe Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer who has a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Our expertise is in uniting and bridging teams (sports & business). What does this do for our clients? It provides them with an acceleration boost to reach their goals sooner, and interact with a renewed efficiency, focus and energy level.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

 

 

Leaders, please be yourself, not who you think you need to be.

Some of the most effective leaders I have worked for, and with, have a few characteristics in common. All of them understand the importance of commanding respect, while simultaneously remaining true to their personality.

They are not afraid to show a softer side when interacting with their teams. In fact, this is one of the most endearing and important traits that makes people want to follow the leader.

If you are a leader, work for one, or want to be one, think about whether you or the person who is the leader possesses this quality. Perhaps they do, sometimes, but you only get a glimpse of it, and not consistently. Now imagine what it would be like to work for this type of leader.  Or to be this type of leader.

Some people take on a different persona at work.

Are you a big bad wolf at the office and a cuddly teddy bear at home?  As Dr. Phil might ask, “How’s that workin’ for ya?

The other thing people do is to develop their leadership qualities based on being collaborative, and approachable. They allow their naturally ability of high emotional intelligence to flourish.

Unfortunately, emotional intelligence is not something that can be taught, but it can be mimicked.  If you feel you are lacking, pay attention in scenarios to which you are exposed on a regular basis.

For example, watch as successful leaders properly greet a guest and make them feel comfortable, or ask someone you notice who seems sad, or upset, if they need to take a moment, or want to talk.

Leaders who are open to the human experience, are in no way weak.

Sometimes we conveniently forget that our leaders are human, too, and typically under constant pressure. Having to mask their emotions is difficult, but doing so is not a sign of weakness.

When our business leaders reveal that they are experiencing emotions, it sends signals to the people who work for them that they are simply human.  This makes them more approachable.

Contrary to what you might think, when a leader exhibits emotion, many people either do not notice, or do not comment, if they do.  Some may simply be oblivious, while most are probably reluctant to approach the boss.

It’s okay to ask how they are doing, and do so sincerely.

You might be surprised by the reaction you get.  Be prepared to respond in a kind and empathetic manner. This sentiment will be appreciated more than you can imagine. What’s more, the leader will perceive you in an entirely different light the next time you interact. Why?  Because you allowed them to be themselves for that moment. This is not something many leaders feel like they can or should do.

Climbing up the proverbial corporate ladder can take years, but some people reach the top faster than others. How? There are a number of factors, but one of them is that they are likable, and part of being likable is being human. These people are also typically bright, and able to access both the right and left sides of their brains equally. They have a personality that makes others believe in and want to follow them.

Of course, this is an over simplification of the other criteria one needs to climb the rungs. Typically, it is much harder for those who reached the top because of an inside connection to earn the respect of their team. Authentic leaders who have earned the right to be placed into leadership roles are the ones whom we admire, potentially aspire to be like, and ultimately respect and want to follow.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of MarketMe Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer who has a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Our expertise is in uniting and bridging teams (sports & business). What does this do for our clients? It provides them with an acceleration boost to reach their goals sooner, and interact with a renewed efficiency, focus and energy level.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

 

Overwhelmed? You don’t have to be.

Perhaps it gets worse during certain times of the year. Or, you have noticed that you are in a state of being overwhelmed more often than you are not feeling this way? It also may seem as if everyone else has their you know what together, and that they have somehow secretly tapped into figuring things out that are a mystery to you.

Don’t worry, you are not alone when it comes to feeling this way. Every day I hear this same sentiment expressed so often, I chose to share some of the suggestions I tell others who are experiencing this. However, I first want to talk about the reasons you might be feeling this way.

One of the reasons we feel overwhelmed is because we get caught up in thinking we have to do everything immediately. We don’t. As a matter of fact, when we take back control and realize this, it’s the first step to gaining back control of the sense you feel you don’t have any.

We are very fortunate to be living in a time period when we have so many choices. However, having so many choices can further add to being overwhelmed. Have you heard the concept that not making a decision is in fact a decision? Realizing this alone can help to notch down your sense of being overwhelmed. Conversely, when you do make a decision, it is in fact progress, and this can also help you to move forward.

Being overwhelmed can feel like you are stuck, either physically or mentally. Applying movement of any kind towards this feeling can in fact nudge you away from being in this situation. The sense that there is too much going on, can cause you to feel as if things are out of control. However, this is really only happening in your brain, and you do have the ability to change this narrative running through your mind.

Yes, in fact there may be a number of activities and choices for you to make, but when you step back and truly think of them and how to deal with them one at a time, you can in fact slow things down. Slowing things down also contributes to lessening the sensation of being overwhelmed.

Here are some other methods you can apply to reducing your sense of being overwhelmed to a much lower state. Or, perhaps feel this sense entirely evaporate for periods of time.

  • Turn your thinking around by looking at your life as a journey. Versus it being a sprint.
  • Get up, get out, and literally start moving your body around. It will take your mind off of obsessing what is contributing to the feeling of being overwhelmed.
  • Listening to music can instantly put you into a different state of mind. Which type makes you feel happy? Turn this type of music on and listen to it until you feel like you are back in charge and not as overwhelmed. If you are a procrastinator, limit your music listening time to 30 minutes. Think of this as a reward.
  • Do something which is creative, even if you don’t think you have a creative bone in your body. Actually, everyone is creative in some way. You may not have yet discovered what your creative outlet is yet. Now would be a good time to explore this.
  • Sometimes we need to do something I call social weeding. What I mean by this is actually thinking about people in our life who contribute to us being overwhelmed. It is not always possible, but there are people I am certain you can take out, or weed out from your “social garden”. There are in fact people who are toxic to us, and you know who they are. At a minimum, reduce your interaction with them.
  • Turn off your social media. Yes, all of it. Don’t listen to the news, and instead craft a list of the top things which are contributing to you being overwhelmed. Put the list aside, and come back to it in a few hours after you have done some of the other suggestions above.
  • When you return to your list of what is overwhelming you, tackle one item at a time, and come up with one solution to make this list item less overwhelming. Breaking down what overwhelms you into a list format, and then applying solutions to it is one of the best ways to tackle putting you on the path to being less stressed. If you can’t come up with solutions on your own, ask someone you trust to help you.
  • Rate each item on your list of what is overwhelming you on a scale of 1-10. Ten is off the charts. If half of your list ratings are over 5, work on the ones with a lower number first. Then tackle the higher number ones when your list amount is decreasing.
  • Set a goal of completing half your list in a realistic timeframe (e.g., 1-2 weeks). You will be amazed what can be done if you break down your tasks this way, and perhaps only deal with one of them a day. In two weeks, you can potentially have knocked off more than twelve items on the list of things that overwhelm you.

It is possible you might in fact be depressed, and this will contribute to your feeling of being overwhelmed. Statistically, the majority of our human population experiences some form of depression in their lifetime. However, if you have severe depression, being able to do the suggestions above might seem impossible. If this is the case, please consider talking to a mental health professional, as they can help you towards not having to feel this way.

My Mom has a saying I adopted many years ago. Every day you have a decision to make about how your day is going to be. You can choose to be happy, or not. You have the power to do this too, and my belief is that choosing to be happy is always the right choice.

Happy New Year, and thank you for your support and for following my writing in 2018. See you in 2019!

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too. Market Me Too has expertise in bridging teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their revenue numbers and market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. She is also the author of a newly published business book called Wisdom Whisperer which is available via Amazon, and has had numerous strong reviews.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, corporate and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance strengths and talents on a daily basis, which produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Think of me as a “people are like diamonds – polisher”, or your very own Wisdom Whisperer.

If you want better results with what you are doing, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

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(10) Ways to Own Your Confidence

Possessing confidence can be one of the most satisfying feelings, especially when it’s derived from something you are proud of, or enjoy, doing. Demonstrating confidence to others comes in a variety of delivery methods – how you present yourself physically, how you speak, walk, shake hands, and treat others.

Confident people have a certain allure about them that you know they have, but that is difficult to describe. You just know they have it. The funny thing about confidence is that it is a fluid feeling. When you are able to sustain confidence, it becomes more difficult to lose.

Too often I have seen people with that self-assured presence allow others to chip away at it. This generally happens when the person is in the process of building their own confidence.

An analogy for confidence might be compared to creating a foundation. Like an actual foundation, with proper building blocks, confidence can become a solid foundation.  Without a load-bearing structure, it is easily eroded.

So, how do you know whether you have built a strong confidence foundation, or one made of a weak substance such, as dust?This depends, as when we are in the process of building our foundation of confidence, sometimes we choose strong substances like boulders, and sometimes we don’t. This often happens as we test our ability to own something, and when we are in the process of experimenting with our confidence-building strategies.

Speaking of strategies, do you have a few you own to build your confidence? You may not have taken time to ponder this, but it is essential to have some go-to techniques. Here are (10) ideas to consider to help you build your confidence foundation.

  • Write down three things you are proud of having accomplished. These do not have to be monumental achievements, and can be divided into both professional as well as personal accomplishments.
  • On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate your accomplishments?
  • Is it possible to continue to build upon the accomplishments you have achieved? If so, think about how you can do this. Putting it in writing makes it more likely to happen.
  • Now, jot down three or more things you want to accomplish professionally or personally in the next year, or sooner.
  • Plot out, in just a few sentences, how you are going to be able to accomplish the things you want to do. This does not have to be an exercise in crafting a novel, and only you need see this information.
  • Ask a half dozen of your colleagues to e-mail you three or more words that describe who you are. Offer to reciprocate. In fact, you may want to do that first!
  • Once you have a list of words, use this information to gain potentially new insight into how others view you.Part of this exercise is to demonstrate that other people may see you in a much stronger position professionally than you see yourself.
  • Commit to doing at least one random act of kindness every day. These small gestures will indirectly help to build your confidence as you will feel more satisfied by doing something nice for others. The feeling will be cumulative and help to strengthen the confidence foundation you are building.
  • Make sure every day you have an opportunity to work on doing the things that make you feel confident. Each time you do this, just like a physical workout, is equivalent to building the core strength of your confidence muscle, which you absolutely want to fully OWN.
  • We’ve all heard the expression “fake it until you make it.”. There is something interesting about this expression. Part of it has to do with acting confident, even when you may not feel that way.  Whether it’s giving a presentation, going after your dream job, planning an event, doing research . . . If you have not already tried applying this concept, please do! Before you know it, you will not feel like you are faking it anymore.

Not all of the above suggestions might be applicable to you, but there should be a few that can help put you on a trajectory towards owning it. I can’t wait for you to get there, but make sure you take time to enjoy the journey.

Kathleen E.R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too. Market Me Too has expertise in bridging teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. She is also the . author of a newly published business book called Wisdom Whisperer which is available via Amazon, and has had numerous strong reviews.

Market MeToo also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis, which produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally.Think of me as a “people are like diamonds – polisher”.

If you want better results with what you are doing, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

Don’t Look Back – (5) Tips on how to always look forward.

I certainly cannot speak for anyone else, but one of the things that really motivates me is looking forward to something. Even when there is not anything monumental on the horizon, I can look forward to something as simple as sharing a cup of coffee with a friend. Having something to look forward to is simple enough to accomplish. It is a highly achievable experience. When I find myself less motivated, I realize I might be thinking about the past, instead of looking toward the future, which I find to be incredibly exciting.

Taking time every now and then to reminisce about what you have done in the past, and the accomplishments you conquered, joyous experiences you relished, and perhaps even some less-than-ideal days is normal, but should not consume your thoughts. Nor should looking back be something to be tough on yourself about, as many people dwell on What IF thinking. This serves little purpose, consumes too much energy, and is a habit which we should all try to reverse.We are all guilty of What If thinking, but what if instead of focusing on the WhatIf regarding the past, we apply this thinking towards the future?

When we interrupt our negative thinking, or thinking that is less constructive, we do ourselves and others a favor by changing our attitudes towards just about everything. Thinking in terms of possibilities versus reviewing our playback tape is what highly successful and motivated people do. It really is not that difficult. The first challenge is to recognize a pattern of thinking about what has already happened, especially since you cannot rewrite what has already occurred. The good news is that you do have control over the script for what can happen next. Stop and really think about this for a minute. Yes, you do have full control. Don’t let it happen, make it happen!

Having something to look forward to is highly motivating for me, but everyone is different, so this might not, in fact, work for you. However, here are five tips to refocus your energy and attention on looking ahead instead of in the rear-view mirror.

  • Think of someone you admire. Now imagine yourself in their shoes. What are their most admirable characteristics? Are some of their traits ones that you could borrow, or implement?
  • Spend time outside. Being near or around any type of nature, or simply breathing in fresh air, can reset your thinking, and put you in a better, more positive frame of mind.
  • Do something nice for someone else. Thinking through the process of doing a kind gesture for someone else forces you to think ahead and plan out the activity, even when it is a simple action like putting a blanket on your child or significant other when he or she has fallen asleep on the couch.
  • Put together a plan. It can be almost any type of plan – a vacation, a dinner date, a birthday party, opening the pool . . . The simple act of starting a plan will create the need to look forward.
  • Get out of your routine. No matter what time of the day it is, you probably have some type of routine. Do something entirely different during your day, and start thinking now what it might be. This will give you something to look forward to, and put you in a position to have to think about doing something later.

Changing how you think about the future can create positive results. The natural endorphins released from the brain when you are thinking and doing constructive behavior will help.

I know you can do this and promise it’s worth the effort.  I have coached many people who felt the same way you do, and guided them to be able to do this well, and every day. Give it a try. T

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