Category: #Perception

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Do something different. Leaders and coaches listen up please.

Admittedly there are a few things that frustrate me. One of them is based off a saying you have likely heard expressed. It is the expression of “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink the water.” If you have been in this scenario before, I’m certain you understand the feeling of this proverbial horse standing near or over the water trough, needing hydration, but not drinking the water. Seeing this occurring seems senseless. Even counterintuitive, although we see this happening on a regular basis.

Who are the people that fall into this category of being “that” horse? Sometime surprisingly the people you wouldn’t imagine they would be. Yes, I’m calling out those of you who are leaders in the business world, and those of you who are sports coaches at some of the highest levels of competition. It’s very likely the scenario you are presently in is due to a combination of circumstances which have brought you to the place of inaction. Others may see your inaction as being stubborn, close minded, or worse, unaware of the fact the “water” is right in front of you.

Recently I experienced a leader who seemingly just realized they were not in a good place. All the data supports making this obvious, but ironically, they were behaving as if everything was fine. Better than fine. In fact, that they didn’t seemingly have any challenges at all. Sure, this may sound implausible, but if there were an “ignore button”, they were certainly pressing it often. Possibly without realizing they were doing so. However, others they are leading were absolutely noticing this, but didn’t feel empowered to do something, or know how to approach this leader.  

When I got the call from this leader, I was shocked. Upon speaking with them briefly, it was also as if time or the circumstances they were in didn’t matter. In fact, it was as if I was speaking to an individual that had little or no awareness of the reality of the situation, they were in. This may be their way of protecting themselves from reality, but the reality is, they will need to confront reality next week. Why next week? Because they will have a new boss who is going to want them to provide answers about how they will do things differently to obtain far better results. When I asked them what their plan was to have this conversation, I was less than impressed by what I heard.

The more difficult aspect of hearing that the leader didn’t think they needed a new plan was more disconcerting. Having the experience of knowing they were going to need to have a solid, well thought through plan to make the necessary changes to impact their current circumstances seemed obvious. Yet, this appeared to be the furthest thinking from what they were expressing.

Instead, what I heard was that they were going to be making tactical maneuvers. Ones that in essence would only apply a Band-Aid to their scenario, when what they needed was to have a surgical team in place to repair the damage. The lack of awareness of what was going to be needed to positively impact their circumstances partially contributes to the situation they are in.  However, the bigger problem is that they thought with the plan they had shared with me, that all the solutions to solve their challenges were going to be met.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how this scenario is going to play out. At least not without doing something quite different than they are planning to do.

If you are a leader or sports coach who is currently in or may be in a situation which will call for you to do something different than you are doing, with the intent to get better results, below are some suggestions you can begin considering to apply.

  • Do you have a group of trusted advisors? Ones who will challenge you and not play the role of a “yes” person.?
  • Consider why you think that doing the same thing all the time is going to offer you the desired results you are seeking.
  • On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how comfortable are you with change?
  • If your score isn’t close to a 10, you have some work to do. This can also offer insight into why you may be in the circumstances you are now.
  • How well do you listen to others? Chances are high that this is an area we can all improve upon. Consider testing yourself in terms of noticing whether you are listening or talking more. Practice listening more than you are talking and see what benefits you gain from this.
  • What is preventing you for doing something differently? If you don’t like change, what if you looked at change differently? Perhaps as being a positive maneuver versus one you find more comfort in resisting?
  • Stop kidding yourself. If your current circumstances aren’t where you want them to be, others are noticing. In fact, they are likely waiting for you to reach out and ask them for help.

As a leader, it is your responsibility to help others. If you are not asking for help yourself, this isn’t allowing you to fully embrace your role as a leader or sports coach. Taking actions to do something different doesn’t need to be perceived negatively. In fact, it might be exactly what you need to do. What will your doing something different be?

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Leaders #Sportscoach #Communication #Motivation #Teamdynamics #Business #Listening #Change #Embracingchange #Management #Strategy #Success #Leadershipsuccess

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Who are you?

You might think that it’s easy to describe to others who you are. Realistically, not everyone has to do this on a regular basis, but there are times when we must do this.  When we do, consider how important it is to get this right. Also consider how instead of feeling less enthusiastic about doing this, how wonderful it would be to be able to describe yourself with clarity and pride.

Being able to articulate who you are to others may in fact becoming an art. One that takes practice, and critical knowledge and deep awareness of who you are. Contextually, there may be times when you are describing yourself where you will need to provide greater details than other times, but imagine if you could do this with complete ease? In a way that feels authentic, yet not over the top.

Having the ability to understand who you are is analogous to having a solid home foundation. In the absence of having a strong one, everything else placed on top isn’t going to be supported as well, and this is a contributing factor which impacts many other areas in a person’s development. One of them is confidence. However, in my opinion, the most important one is having a clear and supportive awareness of truly who you are as an individual.

Independent of someone’s age, when people are in the process of discovering who they truly are, and given a language to support describing themselves, this is when I have seen incredible transformations in the person. This may seem like a simple process. It’s not. It takes time and requires the individual to be openminded to accepting truly who they are first. If there is resistance to this process, it will take much longer to achieve getting to the goal of having full awareness of who you are. Both as a person and how you are perceived by others.

Interestingly, I find that many people are surprised by how others perceive them. This partially has to do with the fact they do not have a full command themselves of their own self-awareness. In the absence of having this, it can lead to complications an individual will have in several different areas. One of them is the ease at which a person can comfortably interact with others. This includes being able to have productive and informal conversations with people. Sometimes the informal conversations are just as important as the productive ones, as they each contribute to developing the relationship you are having with that person.

On the theme of relationships, this is another area which is impacted by someone’s lack of self-awareness. Particularly the level of achievement which your relationships will be able to attain.  When someone is struggling with their awareness level, it will certainly impact how deep their personal and professional relationships will be. If someone who is in a leadership role is lacking self-awareness, this is going to severely also impact their ability to lead others. Namely because if a leader isn’t fully aware and in commend of who they are, realistically how are they authentically going to be able to impact others positively and productively? Yes, this is a rhetorical question, but one worthy of noting, as sometimes what seems so obvious can benefit from having the spotlight on it.

Having a spotlight on something can accomplish a few things. The first thing it does is to highlight either something strong, or an area that needs improvement. When an area needs improvement and is highlighted, it supports the theory or expression of the “squeaky wheel”. A “squeaky wheel” is more apt to get attention, and ideally action applied towards positively addressing it.

Since we realistically should know ourselves better than others, why is it that many people find it easier to answer the question about how others perceive who they are, versus having to describe themselves? I always find this to be fascinating. Often so do the people who are initially attempting to describe who they are, but then find it much easier to describe how others perceive them. However, a person’s perception of how others would describe them might in fact not be realistic, but there are generally hints with these descriptions about who they might like to be. Or, have others perceive them that way.

If you are or know someone who is struggling with articulating who they are, and who could benefit from having a heightened self-awareness level, here are some suggestions to offer support in this area.

  • Are you nervous about having others truly knowing who you are? Come up with a list of reasons you are nervous about this. Are they realistic? Or is your confidence level interfering with being able to allow you to embrace who you are?
  • Do you often feel like you must be someone else around others? Do you find this to be exhausting? Would you agree it would be much easier to be always yourself?
  • Have you made any prior attempts at truly understanding who you are, with the goal of being able to become more comfortable with who you are? Ultimately being able to communicate who you are to others when it would be beneficial to do so?
  • On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest, how defensive do you become when you are asked to describe yourself to others? 
  • What have you done recently to invest in yourself? This applies to any area of your life (e.g., educationally, physically, etc.). If you haven’t made any investments, and they don’t have to be monetary ones, they could be time based, ask yourself why you haven’t done this?
  • What reasons do you have for not being comfortable with your own self-awareness? Write them down. Then see if any of the responses could be placed into a few different categories, or if you are seeing any patterns to your responses (e.g., I am overly critical of myself).
  • Think about how you could benefit from having an increased self-awareness level. Perhaps this isn’t something you have thought about before. If you haven’t, this is a great exercise you can benefit from to begin the process of investing in yourself, and which will positively impact many other areas in your life.
  • Consider who you could ask to help you with developing your self-awareness.

A common thread I see in the most successful and happy people (e.g., leaders and sports coaches) is that they have a full command of their self-awareness. Doing so provides them with the gift of being able to share their abilities confidently and authentically with others, who will benefit enormously from them in multiple areas.

TAGS: #Selfawareness #Doyouknowwhoyouare #Leadership #Sportscoach #Leader #Leaders #Communication #Motivation #Personaldevelopment #Success #Teams #Teamdynamics #Business #Sports #Confidence #Careeradvice #Management #Mindset #Sportsteams #Businessteams #Corporateteams #Perception #Strategy

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Are you getting what you need from your conversation?

I was recently having a discussion with someone who inspires me. We were talking about how important it is conversationally to focus on making sure certain ones are productive. Realistically not all of them are, and that’s okay. However, there are going to be ones which you should be paying a higher level of attention to.

During this conversation, the person shared with me a technique which supports making sure the end result of the discussion can be mutually beneficial. It’s a relatively simple suggestion, and one that I can’t wait to “test drive”. The technique involves pausing during your conversation and asking the person you are speaking with if they are deriving what they need from their side? You might think they are, but as we know, conversations can sometimes veer off into unintended places, which may not result in the desired outcome.

Being able to ask the simple question to determine if the person you are speaking with is receiving the information they were asking you about, or conversely if you were sharing information with them that is helpful, can take your conversations to a new level of communication. Who doesn’t want that? Particularly if you are seeking advice or clarity on a topic.

If you were to ask others how they would rate themselves in terms of being a strong communicator, you might be surprised by their response. What you will find is that some people are not aware of their communication level, style, or that perhaps there is room for improvement in this area. Why? Namely because although communicating with others is something we are all accustomed to doing, doesn’t guarantee we have mastered being proficient in this area. Although mistakenly people will assume that many leaders or sports coaches are at a higher level then perhaps the reality of where they are.

When someone is at a lower level of communication than they are aware of, this presents challenges for both the person, and everyone they are communicating with. Interestingly, although someone might think they are a strong communicator, their lack of awareness is going to at some point begin to surface other issues for them. The most difficult part of this scenario is that often, and ultimately someone is going to have to bring this communication deficit to a leader or sports coaches’ attention. Doing so will require diplomacy and being prepared for the person to be defensive about hearing what is being stated.

Chances are also good that the initial conversation suggesting to someone they should consider working on improving their communication style is going to take the person some time to process and accept hearing this. However, once they get past having time to process what they have heard, and if they understand there will be significant benefit to them improving in this area, that’s when they can begin to move towards increasing their communication ability.

Now you might be thinking, who will help the person who has a communication deficit? Realistically they will need to embrace having an appreciation for how their current style may not be ideally working for them. One way to do this is to have the person start to listen more than they are speaking during all their conversations. They can also have a list of open-ended questions they can ask in multiple scenarios which will provide them with an opportunity to listen more and come up with additional questions based on the response to listen further.

A typical conversational challenge I have noticed with leaders is that they tend to launch into sharing a significant amount of information with others, but do not allow the other party to equally reciprocate. This can be quite frustrating for the listener, as they will be made to feel like conversations are too often one sided. Potentially that they are not given a chance to voice what they may want to convey. Sure, the listener gains lots of information from these conversations, but realistically, is it always beneficial to them?

If you are looking for some other suggestions on how to gain more value from your conversations, here are some ideas you can consider.

  • Prior to having a conversation, consider what you want the outcome of it to be.
  • During conversations with others, pay attention to the body language and verbal clues of the person or group you are speaking to (e.g., yawning, looking unengaged, folded arms, looking away or down, minimal, or defensive responses). If you see any negative clues occurring, ask the person or audience if they are deriving value from your discussion. Or, how they could be.
  • What is your energy level when you are speaking with someone? Is it the appropriate level? When your energy level is out of synch with the delivery of your conversation, the conversation may not end up where you want it to.
  • How is your tone of voice when you are in most conversations? Are you aware of whether you should or need to modify your delivery tone?
  • When you are speaking to others, are you attempting to be influential, yet coming across as dictatorial? There can be a subtle difference, and you need to be aware of which style you are trending towards. If you don’t know how you are coming across when you are conveying information, ask someone you implicitly trust, and make sure not to be defensive about what you might hear from them.
  • Are any of your conversations exciting? Or are many of them filled with negativity, or always serious information? Not all of them will be, but there should be a balance of the variety of types you are having. Are there? If not, this should give you additional insight into why and how others are reacting to conversing with you.

By giving both the leader and those they are conversing with a chance to pause during their conversation to consider if the conversation is providing each with what they need, this will ensure that both sides can gain the value they would ideally like to derive from their conversations. Pausing and asking, “Are you getting what you need from this conversation?” will also increase the likelihood that more beneficial discussions are occurring. As we enter a new year, consider factoring this thinking and technique into the next conversation you have. Better yet, I hope you see that the outcome of your conversations is more desirable this year.

TAGS: #Leadership #Leader #Leaders #Sportscoaches #Sportscoach #Communication #Success #Howtohavebetterconversations #Motivation #Tipsoncommunicating #Bettercommunication #Leadershipcommunicationtips #Teams #Awareness #Selfawareness #Motivation #Teamdynamics #Purpose #Business

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Are all leaders coachable?

Presumptions about leaders’ capabilities are made all the time. Often, they are given too much credit for having skills in every imaginable area of their business or the sports team they lead. This is one of the reasons those they lead might become disappointed with the leader. This is also despite the fact we can realistically acknowledge no one person is capable of being fully competent in every area. More importantly, also one of the reasons leaders are supported by others.

We have seen that even with the most ideal support team, this doesn’t guarantee a leader’s success. Although the leadership support team which can include other executives or assistant coaches can provide a structure that will bolster and potentially mask a leader’s deficits, it can also cause unnecessary stress on the team. This will ultimately lead to the members of the team having a lack of trust in their leader’s competency, and eventually burnout for these members. This is a preventable scenario, but one which is also difficult to address with the leader who needs more support. Yet, isn’t receiving it. Perhaps not be willing to either.

Given the scenario above, at some point there will come a time when someone on or associated with the support team will need to have a conversation with the leader or coach. They will need to address the fact that the leader or coach is experiencing challenges in their role by not having some leadership skills they require. Ones that they will need to be successful long term. These skills will be different for each person, but there are some common leadership skills which are foundational ones that need to be mastered.

One of the foundational areas is obvious. Perhaps seemingly easy to master, but it’s not. It’s communication, and like a diamond, there are many facets to this topic. In terms of leadership, a strong leader needs to be able to comfortably convey their vision, strategy and have the capacity to be influential with their communication style. I use the word style, as there are a variety of ways a leader can communicate (e.g., verbally, in writing, demonstratively with body language), and they may be more polished in one or two of these areas. Or not. If they are not strong in the area of communicating, this is often an initial area which is glaringly obvious the leader needs support.

Another area which leaders and coaches commonly have a deficit in is their ability to be influential. If their communication skill is not at the level it should be, this will directly impact their ability to influence others. If they are not able to influence others, this will prevent them from getting everyone on their team onboard. You can fill in the blank in terms of what topics this will have an effect on.

The next area which needs to be looked at is a leader’s ability to collaborate. This will require them to exercise a number of different skills, one of them being able to listen exceptionally well. Having the ability to listen well will provide the leader with information that is being both stated, but more importantly not being said. The ability to listen to what is not being stated is critical in terms of knowing which collaborative approach is going to best suit the scenario for an ideal outcome.

Being humble, and let’s add in vulnerable is another factor which will contribute to whether a leader or sports coach will have success. If they will allow themselves to ultimately be open enough to receive additional support to enhance their leadership capabilities, they will experience far greater and earlier success in their career. Although these factors are ideally addressed early in a leader’s career, more often they are not, and this leads to what I’ll refer to as an ”intervention”. This is less than desirable, but it can make the difference between the leader or sports coach being in their role a year from now. Perhaps next quarter or season.

Experiencing adversity and how you handle it as a leader is going to also impact your “go forward” path. Each adversarial situation will be different. Where you end up on the other side of the equation based on how you handle each scenario is going to be a factor which will contribute to making the difference in terms of the success you and your team will experience. For instance, will you know how to handle every adversarial scenario well? Of course not. However, how well you do handle it, and who you seek support from either conversationally or from an action perspective to best address a negative scenario, will also be a determining factor in the longevity in your role.

If you are wondering if you are coachable as a leader, or if your leader is coachable, below are some suggestions to consider whether you or they are.

  • Are you aware of who you are at a core level, and how you react and interact with your team during adversarial times?
  • Are you willing to admit you don’t have all the answers, and can benefit from seeking support from others with more experience?
  • On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest, how often does your ego get in the way of seeking support from others?
  • Can you easily describe who you are as a person, not as a leader?
  • Can you easily describe your leadership style?
  • What would you say your level is on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being the highest in terms of allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with those you lead?
  • How comfortable are you collaborating with others on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest?
  • Do you know what your communication style is?
  • How would you rate your communication style, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest?
  • If someone were to suggest that you need more support as a leader, what reaction would you have to hearing this?
  • How would you rate yourself as being a coachable leader on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest?

Being a leader or sports coach is a big responsibility. It is also well understood that many others are counting on you on a variety of different levels for your leadership abilities. Taking the time each year to consider whether you or your leader is ideally positioned to be doing their job extraordinary well, with or without support should be discussed. More importantly, to determine whether you or they are properly set-up to successfully lead others.

TAGS: #Leadership #Business #Motivation #Teams #Sportscoach #Teamdynamics #Communication #Awareness #Leadershipstyle #Vulnerability #Collaboration #Influence

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Let’s hear some good news.

Despite the fact my degree is in Journalism, I have never been a fan of the news. Yes, this might seem contradictory, but the news is only one form of Journalism. A form that never appealed to me, as I seldomly received value from hearing what was being conveyed. Sure, this might surprise my friends in the news business, but I look at what they do purely as a service.

So, how to I find out what’s happening? There are plenty of sources to derive this information, and we are living during a time to be fortunate to have numerous options. I have family members who need to depend on news sources for their job, but like me, they too must source their information from a variety of places. Mainly to help them to sort out which information could be closest to being truthful, and sans only opinions on a topic.

Sorting out what news information is biased, and which is purely propaganda may seem like an easy assignment. It’s not, and this is because you need to have a wider lens of understanding and looking at the information you are consuming. This takes effort and time, and not everyone is willing to consider doing this. That’s fine, but you will need to appreciate you will be subjected to incredible biases, without even potentially realizing the influence it is having on you. Especially the bad news.

One of my favorite ways to source good news is to talk to people. Particularly when I am traveling. There is something special about hearing others share good news with you. I also adore how excited people get when they have an opportunity to tell you something they are proud of, or happy about knowing. To see people light up and become highly animated when they are telling you about positive news is incredibly heartwarming.

When I am talking to my corporate and sports client leaders, my favorite part of interacting with them is to hear about progress. Why? Because to me, progress is almost always positive. Even if it is minor progress. The fact that others notice progress is also refreshing, particularly when they can go into detail about what has occurred.  I also enjoy seeing how proud people become when they can share good news about those they lead or engage with.

Perhaps hearing negative news impacts me differently than others? I will acknowledge that I know it does, and I have come to terms with this. In fact, I have embraced the fact I know that negative news does not serve me well. However, I can’t imagine it does for most people, so I’m always curious about how people are able to process hearing negative news. Especially in large doses? Yes, it’s my opinion, but I find it hard to believe that this does anyone any favors.

Given the fact my preference is to focus almost exclusively on hearing good news, I’ll share with you some suggestions I have to help you to do so too.

  • This will seem highly obvious, but consider not watching the mainstream news.
  • I’m not endorsing any publications, but there are some publications and online news sources that are oriented towards providing you with as close to unbiased news as possible. I’ll let you decide who they are. Unfortunately, these news sources will contain negative news, but they might also have a balance of neutral or positive news too.
  • When was the last time you started a conversation and asked someone to tell you some good news? Give it a try!
  • Are you someone who loves to only talk about bad news? Perhaps you aren’t even aware you do this?
  • If you are unsure of whether you are perceived as a “negative news” person, ask someone who can truthfully tell you whether you are this way.
  • Consider coming up with a list of topics you want to learn more about. Now invest time in exploring learning more about them, with the focus on understanding what the positive impact of the topic happens to be. Then share the good information with others.
  • What part are you playing in your life or professionally to be contributing to adding positively to our world? Whatever this might be, how can you increase the amount of this to have an even greater positive impact?
  • Helping other people in any capacity is always a great path to pursue to have it conclude with a better outcome. Sharing this outcome with others will both uplift you, the person or people you are helping, and anyone you communicate this information to.

We always have choices to make, and since one of the choices could be to contribute to having more good news to share with others, I strongly encourage you to do so. Especially if it can help to offset in any way all the negative news that tends to override the good news we could be hearing about.

#Leadership #Communication #Leaders #Teams #Goodnews #Happy #Positivity #Management #Thinkingdifferently #Positiveinfluence #Business #Sports #Sportsteams #Corporateteams #Professionaldevelopment #Personaldevelopment #Strategy #Motivation #Beingpositive #Optimisticthinking #Optimist