How to thrive after a disappointment.

How amazing would it be to never have to handle experiencing a disappointment? It could be great! However, when I think about the times I have experienced being on the receiving end of information I wanted to be different, I can tell you the unanticipated outcome has generally turned out better than I anticipated it would have. Does this have to do with my attitude? Sure, it does. Yet this is only one of the dimensions which contribute to the initial disappointment turning into a better situation.

I don’t know about you, but I have never met a perfect person. Although sarcastically we know people who claim to either be close to perfect, even these individuals have been known to have experienced at least one major disappointment in their lives. They may not admit this, but if you asked them enough questions, you would ultimately determine there was a point in their past where a major disappointment contributed to who and where they are today in their lives, or professionally.

In my experience, people who take more risks and push themselves to higher levels of achievements will typically be the ones who are regularly experiencing hearing outcomes they would have preferred to be different. However, they continue to strive to seek a different outcome. If they are an athlete, they do this in a simplistic explanation by training and eating differently and are more strategic about how they work towards altering their performance metrics. They also seek guidance from people who have had success, or via experts in areas they can benefit from.

Businesspeople will take a similar approach to athletes in terms of modifying their performance outcomes to be more ideally suited towards their goals, and to minimize their performance metrics being disappointing to them. Or, to the people on their team who are counting on them to succeed. Independent of what type of career or industry you are in, I’m certain you can think of a time when you were on the receiving end of news you wanted to be different. Perhaps you had to deliver less than desirable news to someone you lead? No one wants to be in either of these positions, but it is a reality, and they will occur. Even when it appears you have a fool-proof plan to prevent it from happening.

I was reading a quote from Ray Kroc the founder of McDonald’s hamburger chain, and it struck me as being simplistically brilliant. Paraphrasing the quote, he said “a person is either green and growing, or ripe and rotting”. I’m sure you would want to be known as someone who is represented by the first part of this quote, but if you are in the latter part, your share of disappointments might be due to the fact you have become stagnant? Yes, being green and growing as an analogy can certainly contribute to experiencing disappointments, but I’m of the opinion I would rather be growing, and if part of the growth equation includes disappointments, as I know for a fact, I will learn from them. More so from the disappointments I might experience if I’m on the “ripe side” and rotting. Why? Because you know when you are “ripe and rotting”, and if you remain on the green and growth side, you can continue to learn and experience the opportunities which will come from your growth. I want to emphasize this is also independent of which decade in life you are in. Potentially it’s even more important to have a growth mindset as your decades add up, as we want to keep our brains sharp, and not succumb to thinking we don’t need to learn anything new because we are too old to do so.

In considering whether there is an ideal way to handle either experiencing a disappointment, or perhaps disappointing someone else, below are some suggestions you can consider or share with someone else who might need them. Especially if they are a leader or sports coach who are on a regular basis contending with having to handle the aspects associated with the concept of disappointment.

  • Keeping negative news directed towards you in perspective can take practice. It can be hard to hear, but intently listening to what is being said can provide you with valuable clues which you can benefit from, especially when you take time to process hearing the information.
  • Sometimes we can prepare and brace for hearing less than desirable news. However, consider if there was anything you could have done to make this news a self-fulfilling prophecy? Unfortunately, there are times when we will self-sabotage a situation, so hearing the news shouldn’t be too surprising. The takeaway is going back and considering the “why” did you self-sabotage the scenario?
  • There are very few circumstances we can’t learn something from. This includes being on the receiving end of the news you would rather not hear. The trick is to commit to practicing having a growth mindset, as this will contribute to how well or poorly you will handle experiencing the negative information you are receiving.
  • When you are hearing disappointing news, are you quick to blame someone else and are immediately defensive towards the bearer of the news? Sure, it’s possible another person or others contributed to what you are hearing, but factor in the “why” are you the one who is hearing this news independently? Perhaps hearing this news in this manner might be favorable to you. Why? Because you will have an opportunity to privately come up with a plan on how to leverage this information in a favorable way, potentially with the person who is sharing the news with you.
  • When someone disappoints another person, it might not on face value be what they consciously meant to do. Consider they may have done so as a cry for help, or potentially for attention they have not been able to garner via other attempted methods. It’s also possible the person on the receiving end feels worse than the news bearer, and their act of disappointing you is going to cause more mental angst than any action you can apply to prevent this circumstance from occurring again.
  • Factor in that when you are on the receiving end of disappointing news, that this is a moment in time. Circumstances can change, time will fade and heal your mental wounds eventually, and that you are not defined exclusively by what you are hearing. You can change and grow from the news you are hearing at any point in your life. Believing this is key and grant yourself permission to allow this to be potentially a new way of thinking which you will benefit from.

One of my colleagues in the past used to say in situations that warranted either bravery or a different perspective to “put on your big girl pants”. Anytime I personally come across a disappointing scenario, both this and Ray Kroc’s previously mentioned quote pops into my mind and allows me to remain optimistic. Although none of us wants to experience disappointment, there are upsides to this concept, you simply must be willing to look for and appreciate what they are.

TAGS: #Leadership #Management #Sales #Leader #Salesleader #Sales #Sportscoach #Sports #Motivation #Awareness #Positivity #Development #Personaldevelopment #Professionaldevelopment #Disappointment #Tipsondealingwithdisappointment

Are you a people judger?

Let’s go to your “wayback machine” and place yourself in kindergarten. This was a time in your life when you were less encumbered from making judgements about others, and were more accepting of the people you interacted with. How refreshing, especially if you consider the positive side and potential of everyone you interact with being your friend.

If you think about when you began to become discerning about who you were interacting with, and why, there are likely a few key interactions in your life which shaped your decisions. Unfortunately, some of them negatively influenced your ability to have an open mind. This is especially apparent when it comes to being aware and open to seeing the benefit of interacting with everyone on a neutral basis.

Right, wrong or indifferent, we are all judged on a regular basis by others, and by our own accounts on a daily basis. How we handle these judgements, and whether we let them impact us or others around us, is what separates us from having better and more fulfilling life experiences. Why? Because when we are always judging other people, we typically are not taking in all of the information to fairly do so. More importantly, no one is entitled to be judging others, but people do this all the time.

When people are judging other people, they are in essence defining the social barriers or opportunities that will be available to them. The more people judge others, and in a negative capacity, the fewer chances they will have to positively benefit from the extraordinary talents, insights and experiences from that person.

Not being judgmental requires us to be many things. One of them is open-minded. It’s easy to say you are an open-minded individual, but in reality, it is much harder to be one. In fact, for starters, if you don’t like to ask others questions, and truly listen to what they have to say, chances are you are not an open-minded person. Why? Because with limited information about someone, it is far easier to be judgmental about them.

Consider one of your recent encounters with someone you randomly met. Perhaps you were introduced to another person in a neutral setting. In this situation, neither of you knew much about the other person. This is a great time to test your ability to be open-minded, and to see what level of judgement you are casting on the new person. Or, to be able to gauge what your level of neutrality you are offering towards the person you are meeting.

In work environments, chances are you will be slightly less judgmental of people. This is due to the fact they have been vetted in some way to be associated with your company. However, when you meet them, you will likely put them through your own method of judging them, with the intent of quickly determining your future interaction levels with them. Even if you are going to be colleagues and will be required to work closely together, your initial judgement of someone will impact how well you will work together.

What if this initial meeting of a new colleague played out differently? What if you were open-minded to learning more about them, and took the time to understand who they are, what talents they have, and how to best interact with them? Would this set both of you up to have a far better working experience? Of course, it would. However, most people don’t set themselves up to initially experience this type of interaction success. Why? Because they are accustomed to being marginally judgmental based on years of being unaware of their actions.

If you are with me on supporting the philosophy that being open-minded, or at least striving to become more so, is something you want to be, below are some questions and factors to consider. They are intended to help you to learn and perhaps achieve becoming less or non-judgmental at some point.

  • Have you ever discussed how you became closed minded when it comes to interacting with new or current people you have in your life?
  • What are the factors causing you to be judgmental?
  • How aware are you on a scale of 1-5 (5 being the highest) of being judgmental?
  • Has being judgmental actually benefitted you professionally?
  • Think of a time when being judgmental backfired?
  • Are you willing to consider being less judgmental?
  • When you are judging others, are you doing so out of insecurity?
  • Think about a time you were open-minded and the results of the interaction?
  • If there was a way to become less or completely non-judgmental, would you want to be this way?
  • Think of someone you admire. Is one of their qualities being non-judgmental?
  • Do you think you have the capacity to be non-judgmental?

When you are able to interact with people in a non-judgmental way, consider yourself as being fortunate. Ultimately this is something as humans we owe to both ourselves and to others to strive to achieve being more accepting of other people. We may not achieve this, or all have this as a goal. However, I firmly believe our world would certainly be a much better place to live in, if we were even slightly all more open-minded towards others.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whisperer  and Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer (published in December 2019)and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

Hang in there. Or, should you?

Just when you think you can’t take one second longer of any situation you are in, by some miracle you find the ability to hang in there for one more hour, day or week. Where does this discipline come from? If you played on a competitive sports team, chances are this was one of the numerous valuable skills you acquired from being on any team.

Recently I heard a coach talk about the topic both players and parents dread. It was about playing time. His example was about a player who saw limited playing time on a championship team. He asked us what we thought this athlete would say if you asked them whether they contributed to helping the team win the championship?

The coach went on to tell us this athlete would say “yes”, they contributed to helping the team become champions. How did they do this or feel this way if they did not see much playing time? Actually, it is quite simple. They felt this way because they showed up at practice every day, learned the plays required, worked out and stayed healthy, cheered on their teammates from the sideline and committed to the team during the season. By doing these things they one hundred percent contributed to the team’s success. If they did not contribute their talent, energy, discipline and time, the players who got more playing time may not have been prepared well enough to compete and ultimately become a championship team.

Until hearing this coaches example, I had not considered this aspect of an athlete’s contribution to the team. Especially when they are not getting the playing time they deserve or are allocated. It became obvious to me that the limited playing time athlete is still making a valuable contribution to the team, although their desire to see more playing time is not happening during game time. However, it is happening when they are practicing and contributing to making them and their teammates better together.

I my opinion, the athletes who are getting less playing time are potentially more important and valuable to the team than those who are getting the playing time. However, this can be hard for the competitive natured athlete or parent to see and appreciate.

The point is, although you may not be in a starring role either on the field or at work, you are contributing to the overall success or forward progress of your team. Each team member plays a valuable role. Some roles have greater visibility, like the athlete on the field, but this does not make their role more important. In fact, those who are in less visible roles play an integral role in keeping the team together by acting as the “glue” or foundation. You might have heard of the expression “Half of our success in life is gained simply by showing up each day.” This is true both in sports and business.

So, it might be more obvious about when to quit your sports team, but I do not recommend doing this, even if you think you are not being recognized as a valuable asset to the team.

If you were chosen to be on the team, you were chosen for a reason. Although this might not be what you want to hear, you are needed on the team, and quitting it will not serve you well. The lessons you will learn by sticking out the season or your time commitment to the team will provide you with deep and lasting skills to take on future challenges far better than those who threw in the proverbial towel. Quitting is easy. Staying can be hard, but it will be worth it when you complete your commitment to the team. You will not regret staying on the team when you look back in time. You will regret quitting for the rest of your life.

Switching gears and now focusing on knowing when it’s time to quit your work team is not always a straightforward process. It should not be done with careful consideration. Why? One of the biggest reasons is because you made the decision to work for the company for a reason. Perhaps your reason to work at the company had not been thought through well enough in terms of whether it was the right type of company, role or team for you to be on from a personal or cultural perspective. I’m talking about company culture, and sometimes it is harder to know upfront if the company culture will be a good fit for you.

Typically, if it is not the right company culture for you, you will find out relatively early, and this is one of the good reasons to leave the company. Here are some other reasons or scenarios to think about it terms of whether it is acceptable to leave your company:

  • There are actions or practices happening at the company which you consider to be an ethical violation, either personally or professionally.
  • You learn after a few years that the growth path you thought would be available to you was only fiction, and you now find yourself in a role which does not have a path forward.
  • Your boss or management team is not supportive of your decisions, or you are being micro-managed and not allowed to perform the role you are responsible to carry out.
  • The job description for your job has been altered so much since you took on the position, perhaps not on paper, but by the verbal expectations communicated by your boss.
  • When companies are growing quickly, your job description may unofficially change dramatically, and may now be in poor alignment with your skills. This can happen, and how this scenario is managed is what will make the difference in terms of whether you should consider staying in your role or leaving the company.
  • You are offered an opportunity from another company which has presented itself at a time when you now have the skills to consider leaving your current role. If this option is not going to be available at your company for a year or more, consider whether it makes sense to stay with the known company, or take a risk in pursuit of your desired role sooner. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, and sometimes it’s not. It’s not always easy to know which one it is.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have options to pursue going after what we really want to do, and sometimes we have to take risks to do so. One of those risks can be leaving the company you are presently at. Leaving your company can be a scary thing to do, but it can also set you on a new and better career path.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. We also work with individuals from students to executives and business and sports teams to coach them to learn how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Contact Kathleen at

Announcement: I will be publishing my first business book this month. If you would like more details about my book, please send me an email at . Thank you. – Kathy

Leaders, please be yourself, not who you think you need to be.

BEING A LEADER:  True leaders have the ability to set an intention, then motivate, inspire, and empower people to follow. A Gallup poll found that leadership involves many factors, but one of the most critical is giving followers what they need.  The top elements cited?  Trust, compassion, integrity, and stability.

Some of the most effective leaders I have worked for, and with, have a few characteristics in common, but all of them understand the importance of commanding respect while simultaneously remaining true to their personality.

They are not afraid to show a softer side when interacting with their teams. In fact, this is one of the most endearing and important traits that makes people want to follow the leader.

If you are a leader, work for one, or want to be one, think about whether you or the person who is the leader possesses this quality. Perhaps they do, sometimes, but you only get glimpse of it, and not consistently. Now imagine what it would be like to work for this type of leader.  Or to be this type of leader.

Some people take on a different persona at work.

Are you a big bad wolf at the office and a cuddly teddy bear at home?  As Dr. Phil might ask, “How’s that workin’ for ya?

The other thing people do is to develop their leadership qualities based on being collaborative, and approachable. They allow their naturally ability of high emotional intelligence to flourish.

Unfortunately, emotional intelligence is not something that can be taught, but it can be mimicked.  If you feel you are lacking, pay attention in scenarios to which you are exposed on a regular basis.

For example, watch as successful leaders properly greet a guest and make them feel comfortable, or ask someone you notice who seems sad, or upset, if they need to take a moment, or want to talk.

Leaders who are open to the human experience, are in no way weak.

Sometimes we conveniently forget that our leaders are human, too, and typically under constant pressure. Having to mask their emotions is difficult, but doing so is not a sign of weakness.

When our business leaders reveal that they are experiencing emotions, it sends signals to the people who work for them that they are simply human.  This makes them more approachable.

Contrary to what you might think, when a leader exhibits emotion, many people either do not notice, or do not comment, if they do.  Some may simply be oblivious, while most are probably reluctant to approach the boss.

It’s okay to ask how they are doing, and do so sincerely.

You might be surprised by the reaction you get.  Be prepared to respond in a kind and empathetic manner. This sentiment will be appreciated more than you can imagine. What’s more, the leader will perceive you in an entirely different light the next time you interact. Why?  Because you allowed them to be themselves for that moment. This is not something many leaders feel like they can or should do.

Climbing up the proverbial corporate ladder can take years, but some people reach the top faster than others. How? There are a number of factors, but one of them is that they are likeable, and part of being likeable is being human. These people are also typically bright, and able to access both the right and left sides of their brains equally. They have a personality that makes others believe in and want to follow them.

Of course, this is an over simplification of the other criteria one needs to climb the rungs. Typically, it is much harder for those who reached the top because of an inside connection to earn the respect of their team. Authentic leaders who have earned the right to be placed into leadership roles are the ones whom we admire, potentially aspire to be like, and ultimately respect and want to follow.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth and revenue numbers, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. We also work with individuals from students to executives and business and sports teams to coach them to learn how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Contact Kathleen at

Announcement: I will be publishing my first business book this month. If you would like more details about my book, please send me an email at . Thank you. – Kathy

(7) Questions to find out what motivates you.

By Kathleen E.R. Murphy

I have always been fascinated by understanding what motivates other people, and the insight I gain from my conversations with them when we discuss this topic. Similar to a persons palm and the lines on it, no two people have exactly the same thing which motivates them. This is a good thing, because if we were all motivated by the same things, our world would not be as interesting and diverse as it is. When was the last time you paused to think about what motivates you, or have you figured out what actually motivates you?

One of the things which motivates me is traveling and meeting new people. I am always honored to become acquainted with total strangers upon first meeting, and after speaking with them for either ten minutes or hours, have a completely new and different understanding of the person I first met, and where they came from (e.g., from a country perspective). As  have shared with you before, I am not a huge fan of watching the news, as it only gives you the perspective from the people who are editing the information you end up seeing. I would much rather and prefer to conduct my own interviews and do my own analysis on what is going on in the world by actually having conversations with people who live in different parts of the world. In my opinion, there is no better way to educate yourself about the world and the people in it than by traveling, so this is one of the things which motivates me.

Motivation can come from many different places, and it can come from oneself, or via others who motivate you. Not everyone is self-motivated, so fortuneately there are other people who can help to motivate you, and this is perfectly fine. For example, if you wish to get in shape an d want to go the gym but have no idea how to use the equipment at the gym to become fit, then hiring a personal trainer to help you with this process makes perfect sense and in the process can help to motivate you to become a fit person. Or, if you want to become better at something professionally, you can either seek out a mentor or someone who has mastered the work you are trying to become better at. The person who has mastered what you are trying to learn can serve as the motivation, while simultaneously teaching you how to become better at what you are seeking to learn how to do on a new level of competency.

Many people are motivated by sports stars or business icons, or potentially by their local sports coach who has dedicated themselves to helping kids learn how to play a sport and be able to learn the valuable lessons associated with competitive level sports. Inspiration can also come from admiring what other people have achieved from a professional perspective whether they are in a traditional role such as a surgeon or perhaps a professional opera singer. Inspiration can also come from nature, and admiring the work accomplished by landscape designers such as Frederick Locke Olmsted who designed both the Boston Public Garden as well as (parts of?) the New York Central Park.

So what if you are now at this point of the article and you are thinking I am not sure what motivates me?  Well, you are in luck, because I have (7) questions you can ask yourself to help sort this out.

  • Is there something I think about or enjoy doing which causes me to want to do more of it, and which I can make a living from?
  • What are 2-3 things I regularly think about wanting to be doing when I am not doing the work I get paid to do?
  • Has there been something in your life which you have never lost interest in and continue to do even at this point in your life (e.g., you love animals, so you continue to volunteer your time at. your local animal shelter)?
  • You do something which you never tire of doing, and which also brings you joy when you do it (e.g., you play golf, you paint pictures, you play an instrument or sing, you coach a team or volunteer your time to help tutor others at something you are good at).
  • What do. you daydream about doing when you are at work, and wish you were doing instead, and which is either something which is productive, or which contributes to society in a positive way?
  • What is something you would do which you would gladly sacrifice sleep or money to do?
  • Think about the things you enjoy doing which increase your energy versus depleting it.

If you can answer the questions above and then study your responses, you will either see a pattern or things you like to do, and activities which can serve as motivators to inspire you to do more of the things you want to be focused on spending more of your time doing either professionally, or personally or both. Motivation can come from within or from others or things around you. Your job is to figure out which one or a combination of these are what motivates you to have a better career and life.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me Too. Market Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at

Thank you to all of my readers around the globe.

I want to acknowledge and thank all of you who have been supportive followers of my articles this year. A special shout out is warranted for my friends at Black Duck Software, Barracuda Networks, Constant Contact and Ipswitch for their continuous support of my journey and new adventures.

Happy New Year to all of you, and be on the look out for my first book coming out in early 2018. No title yet, but I will let you know when the book is available.