Category: #Communication

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Know where to look for contentment?

When you look around, would you say that most people you know are happy? Or, are many of them suffering on a daily basis and silently miserable? It could be hard to tell unless you talk to them. Although, sometimes their body language gives them away.

Is it possible that people who are miserable are this way due to outside influences which they can easily ignore? Yes, I believe it is possible for them to do so, and so does my friend. Yet, unfortunately we know plenty of people who choose not to.

Are you battling daily with being miserable, or living or working with people who are? If so, the most important thing for them to understand is that they do have a choice to be happy. My Mother used to tell me this on a daily basis. Whether she did this knowingly, she engrained this into my thought process. I’m glad she did, as it is a foundational aspect to how I view the world daily.

When you pause to think about your attitude, it takes far less energy to be happy than it does to be miserable. Have you considered this? If not, perhaps you should.

We can easily get caught up in the daily grind and whirlwind of other people’s energy. Sometimes it’s good energy. When it’s not, this is when the challenge of rising above the negative noise from the outside world needs to be tamed. We also have to be aware of the fact the outside noise is impacting us. Not everyone seems to be tuned into this happening to them.  Or, that they can turn it off.

Those who are aware of outside influences impacting their peace and contentment tend to be more self-aware. Whether they have intentionally learned how to do this, or if it comes naturally to them, they have mastered the art of being present. Being truly present isn’t always easy to do. Even for those who are generally good at it.

So, who is good at being present? Most young children are great at this. If you watch them play, it is evident they experience joy. Joy is one of the outcomes of contentment and peace. Who else is good at understanding peace and contentment? This is possibly a deep philosophical question, and not one I normally talk about or write about. However, put to the challenge of doing so, I think I have an answer.

My answer is that knowing how to experience peace and contentment may not in fact be a sustainable emotion or state. In my opinion, it is something which we have to work on. I also think that it comes over us like waves lapping up against the shoreline.  We can enjoy the sensation of peace and contentment, but it appears to be a fleeting emotion. One that perhaps we seek or try to hold onto for as long as possible.

When we start off in life as young adults entering the “real world”, we don’t typically have much money or many possessions. By economical measurements we could be classified as poor. However, during this time period we are arguably more content and at peace with ourselves. Why? Because we appreciate the few material things we have, and the simple pleasures in life that don’t cost much money, yet bring us happiness and contentment. Examples would be walking on a bike path, or on a beach, hanging out with our family, friends and pets or perhaps doing something creative or kind for someone.

At the end of the day, or our life, finding peace and contentment has to come from within. Too often we make the mistake of looking for the satisfaction of these emotions to come from other people, or possessions.

Even if you don’t agree with me, do me a favor. What’s my favor? It is to consider whether you could take on looking inwards to potentially find the peace and happiness you have been seeking. Just maybe you will find it. I hope you do, and that everyone is able to feel a sense of contentment and peace in their life more often than they think is possible to do so.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

 

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Coincidences?

Have you ever stopped to think about how there are certain people in your life who seemingly magically appear in your life at just the right time? Or, that circumstances have worked out when it seemed impossible for them to do so?

The word coincidence is often applied to help us understand or accept people or situations in our lives which can cannot readily explain or justify. I’m fine with this, although I think there is more to this happening than we give credit.

An example of someone who reappeared in my life when I needed them to is my editor Kathleen Veth. We had met via a business meeting about five years ago. The the circumstances of us meeting had nothing to do with her background of being an editor, although at that time I learned she had an editing background.

When I was approaching the final stories for my book, I began to consider who I could work with to help me edit my work. As soon as I did this, I started receiving email promotions from Kathleen about her other business venture. This prompted me to reach out to her to learn more about it. When we met, and spoke about her current venture, I asked her if she was still doing editing work. She told me she had not done this type of work for a number of years, but noted she really liked doing this type of work. So, was it a coincidence I started receiving emails from her at the time I needed to begin looking for an editor? I don’t think so.

If you take the time to look back on the people and circumstances which have happened in your life, were all of these instances planned meetings or explainable from a logical perspective of how they occurred? For example, have you ever been job hunting and just when you are about to give up your search for the day, you receive a call or email from a recruiter who wants to talk to you?

Perhaps you have thought about how you would like to go do something interesting, and then a few minutes later you receive a text from a friend asking you if you want to go to a museum with them to see a new exhibit which is on display?  Another example would be getting an email from your neighbor who is cleaning out their closets, and asks you if you would like to have any of the items they were going to donate. The coincidence in this situation is that you were thinking about how you could not afford to go shopping for new clothes right now.

A final example would be having your neighbor who is a cardiac nurse just happen to be home at the time you are having a heart attack in your front yard. She also happened to be in her yard, saw you go down, and she came over to begin CPR and be the first in a chain of events to save your life. This actually happened to a family member of mine, and I firmly believe it was not a coincidence this happened.

So, do our minds help to present coincidences, or do they happen independently from what we are thinking about? When I think about all of the unexplainable circumstances I have applied the word coincidence to, I am amazed at how often they happen, and I am glad they do.

Having coincidences happen makes life really interesting, and I am fascinated by when they occur. I have never spoken to anyone about their thoughts about whether they think there is something mysterious about coincidences occurring, but I think it would be a fun conversation to have with others at some point, perhaps tonight? Why not, as I’m sure it will prompt me to give more ideas about other topics to write about, and potentially some additional insight into why coincidences happen and how other people perceive this word.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

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Are you too defensive?

I guarantee you we can all name a few people in our family or that we work with, who would deserve to have the label ‘defensive’ placed on them. Potentially all the time, or in certain situations. People who are generally this way either do not realize they come across in this manner, or are working really hard at maintaining this type of character trait.

Being defensive takes a great deal of energy. It’s also the opposite of the positive type of energy which can be highly energizing and beneficial. When people are defensive, they are generally this way due to being either insecure about something, or from repetitive negative feedback.  In some situations, people who come across as being defensive are potentially conditioned to behave this way. Unfortunately, they seemingly do not know how to get beyond feeling or acting in this manner.

Dealing with defensive people and trying to get them to either be less defensive, or not defensive is like peeling back the layers of an onion. You need to be able to have a conversation with them about why they are being defensive. Doing this can take some finesse.

As you can imagine, a defensive person’s first response is that they are not being defensive. So, instead of asking them directly why they are being defensive, consider asking them other questions which get them to explain why they are taking the position they are – on the topic or situation.

Understanding why and where someone is coming from based on their opinion, is the first step to peeling back the onion layers. When people feel misunderstood, or are frustrated about not being able to impact a situation, they will often take a defensive position. Unless they were perhaps on a debate team, and have honed the skills to come across as being more diplomatic and less negative.

The second step to dealing with defensive people is to give them candid feedback on how their communication is coming across. They may not realize they are verbally and physically signaling their defensiveness. The classic body language of folded arms, and a potentially condescending voice tone, are a few of the defensive person’s signals. Another signal is that they may not be able to look at you when they are talking, or they may in fact come across looking enraged.

Finally, once you have arrived at the awareness phase of the person being defensive, you can now finally have a conversation with them on a neutral or level playing field.

No one wants to be defensive. Sometimes people unfairly become this way due to circumstances beyond their control. However, if you are their family member, friend, colleague or manager, you owe them the opportunity to learn how to tame their defensive posturing. Once they are able to acknowledge they are too defensive, they can then have a chance to work towards shedding their defensive label.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

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(9) Reasons why people who use their manners get ahead in business

At the core of our best behavior are the fundamental manners we learned as children. Granted, some people may have been exposed to more manners than others, but most adults learned the basics, which include saying thank you, excusing yourself if you bump into or interrupt someone, holding a door, shaking someone’s hand and looking them straight in the eye. These are some of the absolute foundational manners, and although they are still put to use every day, not everyone is applying them as often as they should.

One of the most common offenses is not saying thank you to someone who did something for you. It could be as simple as handing you a piece of paper, paying you a compliment, taking time to explain something, or pressing the elevator button for your floor. Acknowledging another person’s act should always be a reason for thanking them. So, why do so many people you interact with in business or outside of work seem to have hit pause on their manners?

Not applying your manners can actually work against you. In fact, even if you are a good person and kind to others, if you do not apply your manners on a regular basis, you will be considered less often for future opportunities. This could potentially put your future upward career movements in jeopardy. I know this from years of working with, mentoring, and witnessing those who did not apply their manners in each and every situation and seeing the negative outcome.

Here are nine outcomes for those who exercise their manners on a regular basis:

  1. People who consistently use good manners are considered to be more thoughtful and aware of others.

 

  1. Using your manners on a regular basis provides the perception or proof that you have learned how to appropriately conduct yourself in numerous scenarios. This could lead to others wanting to include you in opportunities you might not be considered for if you do not have manners.

 

  1. Those who apply their manners all the time are perceived as being more emotionally intelligent.

 

  1. More people want to interact with those who have manners, as they appear to be more even-tempered and pleasant to be around.

 

  1. Even if you were not born with the proverbial silver spoon in your mouth, as long as you exercise basic manners, people will give you more of a chance to interact with them, right from the start.

 

  1. People with manners tend to get introduced to more people. Making new connections will indirectly provide you with additional opportunities.

 

  1. A hand-written thank you note, especially in the age of digital communication, really stands out, and is appreciated by the recipient. Writing a thank you note also demonstrates your ability to communicate well, and expresses a sincere appreciation of the other person’s time or an act of kindness. I used to dislike writing thank you notes when I was growing up, but I got in the practice of doing so. I have found people are enormously appreciative of this gesture of applying your manners and thanking them.

 

  1. I have spoken to hundreds of people who have expressed their dislike of someone, namely because they were rude, and did not seem to have or utilize any of their manners. This was especially true of people who did not say thank you. However, they would never tell the person they dislike them because of their lack of manners.  Just imagine how many more people might get along if they simply utilized their manners?

 

  1. Want to know the 25 manners kids should learn by the age of 10? Check out a Parents’ magazine article written by David Lowry, Ph.D. Are they on your list? Have you mastered them?

If you happened to grow up in a family that did not teach you manners, or you missed any manner-related lessons being taught in elementary school, there is still time to learn basic manners, and start applying them. Is it worth the effort? Absolutely, as the examples I cited above are real.  Wouldn’t you rather be on the receiving end associated with the benefits those who exercise their manners on a daily basis enjoy? In case you are wondering, this is a rhetorical question.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

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Have you or your team reached your full potential yet?

It’s easy to talk about reaching your potential. However, does anyone really have a roadmap, or is there actually one that exists to help you or your team achieve its maximum potential? Or, once you reach your or a team’s potential, is it possible to maintain this potential?

These are all really difficult and profound questions to consider, let alone answer. In terms of having a roadmap, yes, it is possible to have one, especially if you intend to get to where you desire to be. Potential can be a subjective concept, and depending on what you are measuring, your measurement criteria may or may not be accurate.

Some potential is more elusive and difficult to quantify. For example, people who are considered friendly and able to converse with anyone may have potential to have a career in sales. For those of you in sales, you know there are varying degrees of being a good conversationalist, and it might not have anything to do with being friendly. So, if you were in a position to judge someone’s potential about whether they would be successful in sales, you would likely need to factor in other criteria to help you.

Measuring potential is not a single dimension exercise. When you factor in assessing more than one person’s potential and are asked to determine an entire team’s collective potential, this becomes much more challenging to do. However, I have found it is possible to do this type of measurement. In addition to leveraging the Gallup StrengthsFinder Survey to determine each team members Top 5 strengths, there are a number of other criteria I overlay to help me.

Here are some of the criteria I apply to help me determine both an individual, as well as a team’s success potential.

  • You need to assess the motivation level of each person on the team. This can be achieved by asking them a series of questions which will reveal what their current motivation level is, and what level they have the capacity to get to.
  • Different from assessing someone’s motivation level, is determining what motivates them. You might be surprised by the variety of answers, and they are not all driven by tangible things you might expect to hear them tell you.
  • Each person has a different definition of what success means. When you find out what theirs is, it can provide clear insight into what their potential level is.
  • Find out what the team leader is doing to serve as a role model to help inspire and motivate their team to reach each of their potentials, as well as for the collective team potential.
  • Asking someone to visualize and then describe their vision of reaching their potential isn’t something most people are asked, especially in the workplace. This is more commonly asked in the sports team industry. However, it is a powerful method for both the individual as well as their leader to have insight into how the person perceives what their potential can look like.

There are numerous other methods I apply when I am helping leaders and teams help to assess people’s potential. All of the suggestions above can be applied to any industry, profession or career level.

In terms of addressing whether it is possible to sustain potential, my take on this is that it tends to vary. However, a high level of potential can be both achieved and maintained given the right circumstances to foster and nurture an individual or team’s potential. Consider whether you are a guardian of others potential, or detracting from it.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coach, author of Wisdom Whisperer, and is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.