I get it. It can be intimidating to always ask for what you want. Does it have to be this way? No. As a matter of fact, let’s add asking for what you “really” want to the list of things that the concept of mindset can help you with. In full disclosure, I’m not a mindset expert, but the concept is simple enough to embrace and make it work in your favor.
If you have a pet, or have experienced being around one, you have witnessed them generally getting what they want. The thing that is more remarkable about this is that they don’t have the same advantage that you do, as you can talk, and obviously they can’t. So, given the fact you have a tremendous advantage of being able to express verbally to others what you want, shouldn’t this make it easier for you to do so?
Yes, having the advantage of being able to verbally communicate with others what you want should put you in a position to have this occur, but the reality is, it doesn’t for many people.
One of the factors contributing to people not asking for what they want is their confidence level. When someone’s confidence level is higher, it is easier for them to ask for what they want. Generally, because they are not afraid of the answer not being in their favor. However, you know the old adage of “you can’t get what you don’t ask for”. If you like thinking about statistics, in the case of asking for what you want, there is a chance that fifty percent of the time you will get what you ask for. Not bad, from an odds perspective.
Perhaps you would like your odds of asking what you want to be higher than fifty percent? Sure, why wouldn’t you? Especially if you are seriously committed to asking for, and getting what you ask for.
Let’s consider a real scenario of someone. Perhaps someone in a sales role. They are a great example, because they professionally practice asking for what they want. If you were to ask them is it easy for them to do their job, most of them would say that it isn’t. However, the rewards will often outweigh the downsides in their profession. So, they press on and either strategically figure out how to get what they want, or move on to a different scenario where they will.
Another approach a sales professional would take is to circle back at a different time, and to ask for what they want under different circumstances. In this case, timing and perhaps a different communication pitch was altered to be more appealing, or the solution they were offering made more sense. The bottom line is that they continued to ask for what they wanted, even though there was no guarantee their result would be different.
Preparation, persistence and consistency are three other factors which contributes to getting what you want. Sometimes you will need to prepare differently to approach going after what you want. A great example of this would be an athlete.
As we know, athletes need to consistently be preparing to pursue getting to where they, or their team wants to be from a performance perspective. Their persistence, focus and dedication towards driving to reach and attain what they want can also come in the form of having improved their ability. Enough so that they can have a conversation with their sports coach about obtaining more playing time. Or, more powerfully, getting what they want by demonstrating to their coach that they are at an entirely different performance level to warrant the coach giving them more playing time. In turn, providing the athlete with getting what they want via a non-verbal approach. In other words, the approach that pets take.
When people become frustrated by not getting what they want, they need to consider whether they actually articulated what they want? Curiously, some people will think that others should simply know what they want, and that that they don’t have to verbally express this. Sure, there are instances where this might apply, but in most circumstances, you will need to leverage the power of your verbal communication to accomplish this. More obviously stated, because the majority of people do not have the ability to read your or other peoples minds.
The power of persuasion gets talked about in both a positive and negative way. Let’s look at the power of persuasion in a positive light. When you are gearing up to ask for what you want, are you doing so with factoring in that perhaps what you are asking for is only going to benefit you? In some cases, this might be alright, but often there needs to be a point of reaching either a compromise, or potentially a quid pro quo. Not always, but its critical to factor this into your equation of asking for what you want.
If you are at a point where you would benefit from having some suggestions to consider to seek being able to ask for what you want, and to increase your odds for achieving this, here are some ideas for you.
- Do you really know what you want, and are you potentially asking for something that you are not fully intent on obtaining?
- How genuine are you coming across when you are asking for what you want? If you are not coming across at a heightened level of being authentic or sincere, your chances of obtaining what you want are going to decrease.
- Think about a time you asked for, and got what you want. A time when you were surprised that you did get what you asked for. What were the circumstances or what was the approach you took, and could this be repeated with other “asks”?
- When you are asking for what you want, are you clearly expressing this, or are you making it difficult for the person or group you are trying to get a “thumbs up” from confused by your ask? Sometimes we think we are clearly asking for what we want, when in fact it is just the opposite.
- If you are not in sales, you will need to practice asking for what you want in order to become more comfortable with doing so. I’m not saying you need to be at a sales professional level to get what you want, but it will help you immensely to try different “ask” approaches to see which ones deliver better results.
Everyone should be able to attain reaching a level of getting to the point of being able to ask for, and have a higher percentage of times when they get what they want. If they seriously want to achieve this. Are you ready to begin increasing your odds, and asking for, and getting what you want?
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