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The power of really paying attention.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I have always done my best to pay full attention to whatever or whomever is in front of me. Although in reality, there have clearly been times when I wasn’t able to be fully as engaged as I could or should have been. What did I miss when I wasn’t or couldn’t pay full attention? Your guess is as good as mine, but I guarantee I missed out on some important information along the way.

Is it my fault that I wasn’t or couldn’t pay full attention during critical times when I should have been? Yes, and no. Yes, because I’ll take full ownership for not doing so, but at the same time, I’m human, clearly far from perfect, and admittedly have challenges with doing so. However, I have addressed this personally, so now I feel like I have a much higher capacity to pay attention at a very different level than in the past.

Being able to pay attention at a different level has been eye opening for me. Sort of like when I got eyeglasses and no longer had to struggle to see clearly. It was a liberating feeling, and one that I wish I had been able to experience a long time ago, but I’m not someone to expend energy dwelling on something I can’t change. I learned that not dwelling on things that were out of my control was a fantastic strategy to help me to focus, and pay attention.

There are clearly different levels of paying attention, and instances when it is more critical to do so. When I think back to the times when it was critical for me to pay attention, I know that there were situations that may have had different results had my attention ability been laser focused. Obviously, there isn’t anything I can do to course correct on those experiences. Or is there?

One of the things I have come to appreciate is being able to reflect back on conversations or experiences that are indelibly etched in my mind. Conversations that had I been more present and able to focus on what was being conveyed, how I could have responded verbally or acted differently. The good news is that reflecting back on these scenarios has been both cathartic, and useful in terms of allowing me to apply my past learnings to future instances requiring my full attention.

In fact, I recently was able to benefit from now being able to be fully present, and offer someone my full attention when it was critically needed. I suspect and deep down know that had I not been able to be fully paying attention, that the outcome of the conversation would have been entirely different. Not in a positive way. However, having worked on being aware that I needed to seek support for my lack of ability to fully pay attention paid off enormously for the recipient of my full attention. I didn’t learn the outcome of that conversation for a few months after it occurred, but the results of the conversation, and me being fully present and paying attention made a tremendous difference in another person’s life. So much so, that they are now able to take from their experience and pass it along as a gift to others, and which they have already done.

Consider a time when you wish that you had been paying closer attention to what someone was telling you. Had you been paying full attention, would you have said different things, or perhaps acted differently during the conversation, or perhaps afterwards? If your response to these questions was either yes, or maybe, below are some suggestions to help you in the near future to become a better listener.

  • Slow down your thoughts while you are listening to the person or people in front of you.
  • Stop trying to anticipate what they will be saying, and focus on what they are saying before you respond.
  • I always attempt to think at the beginning of a conversation, what I want the “end game” or results of the conversation to be. I don’t state this out loud, and I may change my “end game” mid conversation.
  • Remain as open-minded as you can while you are listening to the person. Being judgmental in your commentary, or body language isn’t going to be helpful, and be aware during the conversation if you are heading into this territory. No one benefits from judgmental commentary.
  • Consider asking open-ended questions that will allow the person you are listening to have an opportunity to fully explore and cover the topic they are discussing with you.
  • If you notice that someone seems to be struggling emotionally, ask them if they would like to talk to you. Either now, or at a point in time they would be more comfortable doing so. Sometimes just offering to listen to another person can be helpful, but actually doing so will be the ultimate gift.
  • Keep your commentary to a minimum, and apply the 80/20 rule. Let the person who needs to be listened to do 80% of the talking.

When we work on and put effort into becoming better at listening and paying attention, we gain a skill that will support us well from a mental health perspective, but also from a leadership perspective. Having the skills and motivation to listen well to another person is a gift that may not be appreciated right away, or reciprocated, but it is always the right thing to do in support of another individual. Who can you pay attention and listen to today?

TAGS: #Leadership #Communication #Motivation #Teams #Business #Personaldevelopment #Mentalhealth #Makingadifference #Listening #Thepoweroflistenting #Payingattention #Thebenefitsofpayingattention #Focus #Havingfocus

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Challenges. How to make them work for you.

Depending on how you look at challenges, they could in fact be an advantage to you. Perhaps not immediately as you are dealing with one or more of them, but eventually you will figure out a way to either live with, master or perhaps get beyond your single or list of challenges.

Since it is difficult to appreciate the level of difficulty someone else is having in their life related to a challenge they may be having, we potentially might assume our own challenges are unique. Perhaps more difficult than someone else’s. In both cases you may be right, but I guarantee you that another person has a far more serious one than you are experiencing.

Sure, hearing that others have far greater challenges than you do, doesn’t make you feel any better to hear this. It’s not intended to. What I do want you to think about is perspective. The type of perspective that you either will, or should have to help you to face whatever challenge you are experiencing.

Here’s another way to think about a challenge you are facing. Consider it to be either a puzzle or a mystery that needs to be solved. Thinking about your challenge from an entirely different perspective is going to be helpful in numerous ways. The first way is that it will help to unlock your mind from dwelling on and focusing perhaps on only the downsides to the challenge you are facing right now. Have you considered that there might actually be an upside to what you are contending with?  

When I personally started looking at my own challenges from a different perspective, it was an enormous epiphany for me. One that literally changed the trajectory and outcome towards one I wasn’t sure how I was going to accomplish. For context, my challenge began when I was quite young, but it wasn’t properly recognized or addressed until multiple decades later. When my challenge was finally addressed, I found out that I was Dyslexic. Knowing this brought into perspective why all my years of educationally struggling made sense.

Finding out I was Dyslexic was also a huge gift, instead of being a burden. Why, because this determination allowed me to take a slightly different, yet enormously impactful educational path. The alternative path wasn’t to stop pursuing my college education, but to instead be able to take different courses in place of having to take a foreign language. By my college allowing me to instead focus on courses I could be set-up to be successful in, and exempted from having to take classes I would have severely struggled in, I was able to obtain my bachelor’s degree on time.

What was significant about the challenge I was facing prior to becoming exempt from having to take a foreign language, was that at the time this occurred, there was only one other person who had been granted a foreign language exemption. So, at that time, the challenge I faced was proving that I in fact had a learning disability. Sparing you from the details of accomplishing this, I became the first female in the university’s history to do so. So, in essence, with my own personal challenge of having a learning disability, and being able to pave the way for future students with disabilities to become exempt from having to take a foreign language to graduate, is one of my proudest early memories of overcoming a challenge.

Now, let’s have you think about a challenge you are facing. Or, perhaps helping someone with. Have you considered that getting past or overcoming it might in fact provide you with great pride? Perhaps a sense of accomplishment? Yes, I appreciate the concern you have that when you are in the middle of the challenge, it might feel overwhelming and beyond your comprehension of it being something you will have behind you. However, I also want you to consider the benefits of having to think through coming up with potential solutions to any challenge you face.

With few exceptions, there are usually multiple ways to overcome a challenge. Even some of the most difficult ones you may be currently facing. Or, will be in the future. Given this reality, below are some suggestions to help you consider overcoming your current or future challenges.

  • Most challenges have been faced by another person. Who do you know that has faced your challenge? If you know someone who has, ask them if you could talk to them about how they are handling, or have handled your similar challenge.
  • If you don’t know someone who has faced your challenge, ask someone close to you to help you find another person they know who has been in your situation, and then apply the advice from the bullet above.
  • Don’t limit your solutions to the conventional solution approaches. Yes, some of them will be helpful to consider, and you shouldn’t discount them, but don’t solely rely upon traditional challenge solutions.
  • Each of us was born with the ability to be imaginative. When we are faced with a challenge, perhaps multiple ones, this is an ideal time to apply your creative mind to come up with potential solutions. You might want to “warm-up” your mind to get your creative ideas flowing, but when you do, I promise you will be pleasantly surprised by the results of your ideas. Even better? Have someone you trust go through this process with you.
  • Be honest. Is the situation you are in due to circumstances you caused, or are they beyond your control? In either scenario, put the “pity party” and feeling sorry for yourself behind you. It won’t serve you well, and the sooner you get past feeling like you don’t have any solution options, the sooner you can begin thinking more clearly. When you can think more clearly, you will be able to come up with some solutions to the challenge you are facing.
  • As you are in the middle of sorting out your challenge, and eventually getting through it, you are learning extremely valuable approaches you will be able to apply to numerous other similar challenges you will inevitably be facing.

Although when you are in the midst of handling your challenges, and you are gaining valuable problem solving and coping skills, it will likely feel overwhelming. However, I can guarantee you this feeling and experience will serve you extraordinary well as a skillset to be able to count on for years to come. I can also promise you, that with each subsequent challenge you face, the next one will seem slightly less burdensome than the previous ones. In other words, challenges can be looked at as some of the best experience providers, considering the perspective of looking at them as purely learning opportunities.

TAGS: #Challenges #Overcomingchallenges #Leadership #Personaldevelopment #Business #Awareness #Selfawarenessb #Management #Dyslexic #Dyslexia #Dyslexicthinking

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Don’t give up.

I’ve lived long enough to experience multiple times in my life when I either gave up on something, or gave up on something at the perfectly wrong time. What I mean by the wrong time, is that I was on the verge of accomplishing something. It could have literally been within weeks. Sure, you could say I wasn’t focused or disciplined enough to follow through on a few of the projects I have in mind, but from experience, I eventually learned not to do this. 

One of the ways I learned not to give up was via having the right encouragement from others who were supporting me to pursue what I was going after. Even if the odds were clearly stacked against me to be successful. What I also learned is that I needed to figure out how to believe in myself. This factor alone would largely contribute to helping me to not give up, and to succeed.

Last week my tenacious persistence, and remaining laser focused on pursuing a project I had been working on becoming a reality for the last three years finally happened. What was even better, was that the project doubled in scope, and will allow me to work with exactly who I wanted to work with. This is despite numerous people saying what I was pursuing was unrealistic, or a pipe dream. I knew that neither of these things were true, and that the people who were saying this didn’t fully appreciate that I could make the projects come to life. 

However, in order to make the projects become a reality, I was also aware of the fact I needed to do something completely different than was expected. Leveraging my strategic, creative and communication abilities, I did this. More importantly, I can confidently say I am now on track to do even more things very few people believed was possible. Eventually I will be able to share with you more information about the projects I am referring to, but right now I am not in a position to be able to do so. 

The projects I am undertaking are literally going to pave the way, and provide new opportunities and a model for other people, and specifically for women to consider. I’m extremely excited about these facts, and the impact I will be able to have on the lives of people who would never have expected to be doing the type of project work with me they will be. 

Part of the reason the project opportunities have been granted to me, is because I have earned the right to pursue them via having just enough experience to do so. Although, more importantly, these opportunities were also offered to me because someone was willing to take a chance on me. They believe, like I believe in myself that I can have a major impact on the people I will be working with, and they are open-minded enough to say “let’s make this happen!”!

When I received the verbal commitment about these projects, I was overwhelmed with pride and happiness. I also knew that all of the extremely hard work of pursuing these projects I had put in over the last three years, was finally paying off. Now, the even harder work will begin to bring the projects to life, but knowing that I will be able to apply my expertise to the people I will be working with will be incredibly satisfying and rewarding for both me and them.  Who doesn’t love a win/win scenario?

So, if you are looking for some inspiration not to give up on something you have been either trying to pursue for a while, or potentially related to something you want to pursue, but have talked yourself out of doing so, here are some suggestions to help you get back on track.

·      Find at least one person who believes in what you are attempting to accomplish. They can either provide you with motivation, or serve as an accountability person to help you remain focused on your pursuit. 

·      If what you are attempting to do hasn’t been done before, think through, write down, and visualize what the end result of the project will look like. Refer to this information on a regular basis. Have it serve as a “script” for times when you are losing sight of your goal.

·      Take a page out of Simon Sinek’s play book, and clearly define your “why” you are pursuing what you are doing. It will make it much easier to accomplish what you are attempting to do when this simple question is clearly defined. 

·      Create a timeline for your project. Even if it might take years to accomplish what you are pursuing. Having this in place will help to serve as a way to get back on track, if this happens. 

·      Put a reminder in your calendar on a weekly basis to see where you are on your “timeline”, and be kind to yourself if you didn’t make any progress. There will be times when you might be at a standstill, or have obstacles in your way which are contributing to this. When this happens, think of them as prolonged “stop lights”. Eventually the light will turn green. 

·      If you have talked yourself out of pursuing something you want to do, but perhaps are afraid of doing, write down a list of the worst and best things that can happen when you accomplish your pursuit. Often the worst things will never happen, and imagine what it will be like when the best things do!

I’m a firm believer that everyone is capable and has the capacity of doing at least one, perhaps multiple incredible things in their lifetime. What will yours be? 

TAGS: #Motivation #Inspiration #Dontgiveup #Persistence #Business #Productivity #Empoweringothers #Believeinyourself #Makethingshappen #Pursueyourdreams #Goals #Pursueyourgoals #Leadership

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People who support you versus people who take your words for themselves.

This topic is highly personal to me. As a matter of fact and context, I also wasn’t going to write about it. However, I was highly encouraged to do so based on a recent action taken by a person who either knowingly, but I hope innocently, took credit for developing content that wasn’t theirs. It was mine.

There is a saying that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Although when the imitation is blatantly occurring, there is generally an opportunity to acknowledge and reference the source. Either verbally or in writing. Doing this can make a world of difference. However, it doesn’t always address the core of this matter, which is how too often people are disrespectful of other people’s creations, and claiming the work as their own.

Given the fact I am someone who communicates professionally, I am sensitive and aware of making sure my communications are clear, and my own. This wasn’t something I had to learn in a Journalism course. To me, it is a fundamental principle of doing the right thing. That is, giving credit to others, where credit or acknowledgement is due. Simple enough right? Apparently not. So now what?

Bringing this topic to light is one way to address it, and there are a number of other ways to do so. I’ll share some options of how to pursue this with you. For now, let’s remain on the thread of why someone might not give or recognize another person they should credit for their words, or work.

One of the reasons a person might not give another person due credit for their creations could be because they are unaware of the fact they are doing so. The word plagiarize comes to mind in this case. If you are reading this story now, I am going to hope this was a concept that was shared with you when you were beginning to write in school. Citing or referencing other people’s work is easy enough to do, and is always the right thing to do.

Another reason people may not give credit to others is because they don’t think they need to. Or, that if they make some small adjustments to what they are claiming to be theirs, makes it entirely different. Thank goodness I’m not a patent lawyer, as I know I wouldn’t have the patience and stamina it must take to attempt to cover all of the bases to prevent someone’s idea from being copied. However, in reality, we see this happening all of the time, as there appears to be either unspoken or undocumented loopholes which are leveraged to essentially mimic another person or company’s creation.

Other people who don’t give credit to others for their creations, and who are knowingly doing so, are compromising their values. Either knowingly or not, the outcome isn’t an enviable way of operating, and is devoid of any leadership qualities. True leaders and ethical people give credit to others. No exceptions, and no grey areas. Yes, this may sound harsh, but the reality is that there is plenty of opportunities for people not to imitate or claim the work of others as their own. More importantly to consider, is the opportunity for everyone to work slightly harder to be creative, and to come up with their own version of expressing or doing something unique.

Praising and acknowledging others work and their accomplishments should be a common practice, and the finest leaders and sports coaches do this on a regular basis. In fact, they often go out of their way to make sure that others are recognized for their work, even rewarded for it when it is appropriate.

Let’s circle back to having people in your life, at work, or on your team that support you. Can you easily cite who they are? Think about them for a moment, and the impact they have had on you. For the sake of conversation, let’s focus on the people who have supported you in a positive way. What would your life or work, or team scenario be like if they weren’t in it before, or on a regular basis? Have you had an opportunity to acknowledge them for supporting you? If not, consider doing so soon.

Now, let’s consider some of the ways you or someone you know can increase and perhaps master the art of giving credit or acknowledgement to others on a regular basis. Here are some tips to help you to get started.

  • Start each day with looking for a way to genuinely pass along a compliment to someone. Either verbally, or even better, in writing, as this will have a longer lasting impact.
  • After hearing another person present information to you, let them know why you either liked, or have concerns about what was stated. You don’t always have to agree with someone to give them credit and support for their work.
  • If you realize you have unintentionally leveraged someone else’s idea, words or concept, course correct and let them know you have done so. Yes, it might be uncomfortable doing so, but wouldn’t you rather “tear off the bandage” now, versus having the person learn about you not crediting them at some point?
  • When you are in creation mode of any type, think twice about whether what you are producing could be construed as a blatant “rip-off” of someone else’s work.
  • Think about who you are supportive of. Now think about the ways you are supportive of them, and whether you could in fact be even more supportive with a few minor adjustments? What impact will this have if you do this?
  • Being aware of either your own, or someone else’s tendencies to either be or not be supportive is an awareness level that you want to strive towards. Consider the approaches you can factor in, and how you will increase your awareness on many levels.

The person who I discovered that is leveraging my work may or may not be aware of what they are doing. However, they will be hearing from me, or perhaps others who represent me to make them aware of the fact I am not a fan of what they are doing. Will this change their behavior? I can’t say whether it will, but I do hope they will learn a lesson, and perhaps gain an appreciation for acknowledging other people’s work, and not claiming it as their own.

TAGS: #Leadership #Plagiarizing #Business #Motivation #Personaldevelopment #Sportcoach #Team #Teams #Awareness #Selfawareness

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Embracing doubt and its benefits.

From my perspective, doubts are a bit like fear. There are different levels, and some are potentially motivating, although perhaps not in the healthiest sense. Given a few contributing factors, there appears to be a more pronounced focus on mental health, and I’m a big fan of this. Especially since doubt can be a contributing factor to a person’s mental health. 

This week I was personally experiencing a higher level of doubt than I am accustomed to. It was uncomfortable and truthfully, also distracting. For some reason, my mind kept going back to a place which was having me rethink some decisions I have made over the last several years. One of them happened to be about my business, and the direction I am taking it in. 

The strange thing which doesn’t contribute or make sense about the doubt I was experiencing about my business, was that several growth factors that most would say are favorable, made me feel just the opposite way. Although when I think back to another part of my business when I was changing the focus of my target market, I realized I felt the same way. This rearview mirror look and remembrance was helpful, as it helped to remind me that steady growth is not bad. Although in reality I prefer hyper growth, I know that I need to become more comfortable with a slower, more deliberate, and focused growth model. 

On a weekly basis, I am discussing doubt with others. The fascinating part for me is to see first-hand how others are handling their own challenges with this feeling. Sometimes the doubt they have makes them feel stuck and without options to make forward progress. Other people are suggesting the doubt is like a nagging pain. It’s just constantly looming in their mind, and there are days or hours during the day when it sometimes disappears, and other times when it follows them like a shadow. The third group of people who are experiencing doubt is the most interesting one. 

This third group is interesting because the doubt serves them well. One of the positive attributes is that it makes them think through and come up with alternatives to whatever situation causing this feeling, or thought process. This is a much healthier approach to handling doubt, and which can contribute to anxiety and in severe cases, depression. Certainly not everyone has doubt progressing to these levels, but I’m suggestive that it’s a good idea to be aware of the level that you, or perhaps another person is at. 

Many of the leaders, sports coaches and individuals associated with these people in these two groups, have similar challenges in terms of how they handle doubt. However, the common thread they share is that none of them took a course on how to best deal with this doubt feeling. Sure, some of these people may have watched a YouTube video, read a book, or talked to a professional about the topic of doubt, but there isn’t a certificate you can achieve to fully master eliminating having doubt as a potential feeling from your life. 

So, are there ways to consider how to embrace doubt and also derive benefits from this emotion or feeling? Yes, there are, and here are some for you to consider.

  • When you have doubt in your mind, it can serve as a great source for having an in-depth conversation with a trusted advisor. Ideally to talk through and determine if your doubt is valid, or without merit. In either scenario, you will feel much less doubt after talking through your doubt concerns with another person.
  • Very few people will tell you they have more than enough confidence. Given this, working on increasing your confidence in a variety of different ways, and to higher levels than you are currently at, and which can potentially reduce your mind from having you doubt yourself, more than you trust yourself, or have confidence to do so.
  • This is worth noting again, as having doubts can put us in a situation to either reconsider or come up with better or alternative ways to proceed when we have even a “shadow of a doubt” in our mind about something or someone. 
  • Doubt can serve to protect us in a variety of ways or situations. Think of doubt as perhaps an overactive “gut instinct”, which not everyone has fully embraced to trust more than they should. It takes practice to trust and see the results of trusting your gut instinct, so allow yourself to practice leveraging this to help minimize or potentially support the reality of the doubt you are experiencing. 
  • Some levels of doubt can in fact be motivating. Especially if they are lower to moderate levels, and you can override them, and accomplish or prove to yourself, or others that you can do whatever it is that you, or they are doubting you can achieve. 
  • Risk taking isn’t for everyone, but everyone will experience some level of it. Doubt and risk are in similar thought categories, and can be supportive of helping you to make clearer and better, more calculated decisions, which can factor in risk mitigation which will serve you and others well. 

Although it might not seem like embracing doubt will offer you or others benefits, I assure you that if you “test drive” some of the suggestions above, that you could begin to start seeing how a perceptively negative feeling can be turned into one that you might at some point look at differently. Potentially in a positive way too.

TAGS: #Embracingdoubt #Doubt #Howtodealwithdoubt #Fearanddoubt #Leadership #Leader #Sportscoach #Business #Motivation #Positivethinking #Management

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