Tips on how to deal with disappointment.

Think about the last time you received disappointing news or were disappointed by someone, something or yourself. Chances are the news put a damper on your day or spirits, and perhaps you continued to dwell on the disappointment, whether you wanted to or not.

Disappointments of any type are never fun to deal with, but how you handle them can be a game changer, literally. A fundamental thing to keep in mind when it comes to disappointments is that you have more control over them than you perhaps think you do. How is this possible? It’s possible because the way you deal with the news or situation is completely under your control, you simply have to embrace this fact.

Just about every day when I talk to people about how their day is going, I can sense when they are contending with something that happened to them which was less than desirable. Or, perhaps not the expected outcome they anticipated. Generally, if they are open to discussing what is on their mind, and it has to do with something negative, you can see a sense of relief on their face by discussing what is mentally beating them up.

Athletes are often very tough on themselves when something they did or that negatively happened to their team occurred. When this happens, I have seen them almost physically go into what I will refer to as neutral gear. My analogy of going into neutral gear isn’t the place they want to be, as it is a place where they get stuck, or park themselves into a place they cannot get out of. When this happens, they tend to lose focus, become less competitive than they normally are, and their performance is noticeably negatively impacted. This same thing can also happen to professionals in the workforce too.

So, how do I recommend to the athlete or professional person who is stuck in neutral gear how to get out of this gear and move onto first gear? Here are (5) things I teach them to do:

  1. Acknowledge the disappointment, but commit to moving on and not dwelling on it.
  2. Apply the 6-8-2 method used by many professional trainers and athletes. Breathe in for six seconds, breathe out for eight second and repeat this again. While doing this focus on what is disappointing you, and mentally tell yourself to release and move on from this thinking.
  3. Write down what you are disappointed about. Then write down one to two ways you can either deal with the disappointment, or turn the disappointment into a learning opportunity you can gain value from.
  4. Share your disappointment with someone else. Doing this allows you to release your mind from continuously thinking about the situation. By sharing your thinking about what has disappointed you, the listener also gains from the learning, and has a feedback opportunity. Their feedback might have some strong and valid suggestions on how to deal with your disappointment differently.
  5. Leverage the negative energy invested in your disappointment to fuel doing something better, or more positive for you or someone else.

I am not saying doing all five of the above things will magically make you feel better, but doing one or more of them will in fact allow you to move beyond your mind trapping you in neutral gear. In both work and sports, no one wants to be stuck in neutral gear, as you need to be continuously moving forward to make progress.

When you do not dwell on your disappointments, you will find that when they do occur, you will have developed the ability to make dealing with them much easier. Keep this in mind the next time disappointment strikes, and don’t let it get the best of you. You’re in control.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: My second book has been published! It is called                  Evolve! With the Wisdom Whisperer . This book and my first one Wisdom Whisperer are both available on Amazon. They make great gifts, and everyone needs a Mentor!

 

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

 

Tips on how to deal with disappointment

Overview:

No one is immune from dealing with disappointment. The factor which sets people apart, is how they deal with their disappointment. There are better ways to deal with it than you may be currently doing. Find out what they are.

I will be posting this article on Thursday, and making a BIG announcement that day too!

Have a wonderful week everyone.

-Kathleen

www.MarketMeToo.net

 

Who’s in your tribe? Do you have one?

Just about every day I hear from someone in what I will refer to as ‘my tribe’. My tribe consists of people who I rely upon professionally, and for a variety of different talent sets. There are numerous other terms which could be potentially applied to describe this group, but I kind of like this term. Why? Mainly because it encompasses multiple dimensions of the varied professional reasons people are in my tribe.

Others might prefer to use the term professional network, but when I use the words professional tribe, I’m thinking of a much different type of network. The people in your professional tribe may in fact filter in an out of it. Consider the expression I recently heard about relationships. Some people are in your life for a reason, some a season and some for a lifetime. This reference describes my thinking about my tribe quite well.

How do people end up in your tribe? The expression above helps to summarize how it happens. I think of tribes as being an organic experience. One that you don’t have to think too much about. It simply evolves. In my opinion, if you rely upon your instincts, you will have the right type of people you need in your tribe to be there when you need them to be.

For instance, this morning I received a text from someone in my tribe who was asking for advice on how to handle an employment scenario. My advice was to think about how the receiver of the information would value the information being shared. I asked them to consider if their response would strengthen their brand, have a neutral impact, or detract from how they are perceived.

If you have the advantage of meeting new people often, and even if you do not, you should always be seeking out opportunities to do so. For the record, I’m always thinking about when I meet someone if I want them to be part of my tribe. Yes, this may seem self-serving, but I don’t look at it that way. I look at it from the perspective of how we can mutually and positively impact one another professionally by being aligned. When I think about my alliances from this point of view, the relationship generally ends up being a solid and balanced one.

In one of my recent articles called “Who Balances You”, I talked about the importance of having people in your life sphere who help you to have a more balanced life. When we are out of balance, it tends to negatively impact multiple areas in our life. If you have any experience with walking…yes, I’m being sarcastic, when you are walking and feeling unsteady, this is the same principle as not having balance in your life. It’s easy enough to correct this, but occasionally we need some support to put us back on track to feel steady.

Most people have some form of a tribe, and the tribes we have are often separated personally and professionally. Some are mixed, and this can have benefits and drawbacks. I would argue there are more benefits to having mixed personal and professional tribes. Think about it from this perspective. Do you have someone you work with that you would consider to be a good friend? Perhaps a best friend? I hope you do, as this person can make being at work much more satisfying, especially on the days when you might be struggling with something.

Even if your work friend tribe member isn’t at the same level professionally as you are, they will undoubtedly have insights and be a good listener. If you are lucky, more often than not, they might even have some good advice for you. Although, sometimes you are not in need of advice, and it’s OK to tell them that. Since the nature of my work often involves coaching, and making suggestions and providing advice when asked, it’s critical to keep in mind not everyone wants to hear our advice or guidance.

Some people like to figure things out on their own, and don’t respond well when others attempt to help them. Knowing this, I often will ask someone if they really want advice given to them. This is always a good strategy to apply, and both parties will be happier if the “upfront contract” of understanding what the other person really wants or needs is respected.

I consider myself fortunate to have a wide tribe of people I count on for support from both a professional and personal perspective. Take some time today to consider and be thankful for those who are in your tribe. You are lucky to have them in it, and I’m sure others feel that way about you too.

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

 

Who Balances You?

Balance is one of those concepts which we all know we should have, or at least strive to maintain. The trick is to strike a balance with everything we have going on. Easier said than done. Add in the fact there are multiple dimensions to balance, and if you were to ask five people what their definition of this means, you would get five different responses.

For the sake of crafting a definition of what balance means to me, my description would include finding and maintaining a middle ground or neutrality in all aspects of our work and home lives. In other words, no drama or extremes would be factored into my definition.

Naturally we can all attempt to find and strike a balance on our own. We can also change the meaning of what balance in our lives mean over time, or situationally. The fact that having balance in our lives is a fluid concept can serve us well. When we have a steady dose of balance in our lives, we are generally more satisfied and happy.

Finding and maintaining a balanced life or work world can also be contagious. This is absolutely something you would want others to catch! Modeling balance in your life to others can contribute to helping others who can’t seem to grasp this concept. Finding people who have figured out how to achieve balance might be the hardest part. However, I assure you will not have to look hard for them.

So, how do you begin looking for people who are well balanced? Good question, but luckily it is easier to find them than you might think it would be. Here are some suggestions on how to go about finding them, and perhaps someone who can help to balance you.

  • People who have balance in their life are generally even tempered individuals, and not much rattles their personality.
  • They avoid drama.
  • They are not interested in being in the spotlight, and will often avoid situations which would call any attention to them.
  • Generally, people who have balance in their life or at work are willing to help others, and will often sacrifice their time to do so.
  • Material things do not matter to them.
  • Strong relationships with others are a part of their rock-solid foundation, and they will not compromise a relationship if they are a balanced person.
  • You can count on people who have balance. They will seldom disappoint you.
  • They will often put your needs ahead of theirs, and without any hesitation in doing so.
  • Most of the time they are highly accomplished individuals in a multitude of areas in their work and home life.
  • They give sound and actionable advice that always seems to come at the right time, and produces results you may not have been able to achieve or have thought of without it.

Having balance in your life is something we should all seek to achieve. People who do tend to be healthier, stronger relationships, are more resilient, have more opportunities to pursue, and a much more positive outlook on the world they live in. Isn’t it time you started to seek more balance in your life, or perhaps help someone who is struggling with not having any?

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances. She also is the creator and Host of a TV Show and Podcast called Murf & E Unfiltered – Zero BS Biz Talk.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One

 

Are you aware of your unconscious biases?

Look around. What do you see? Depending on where you are is going to impact what you are seeing and reacting to. If you happen to be at work, you might be seeing your colleagues, and any number of different visual images of what is happening in your work environment. What you are seeing and experiencing could be the same thing every day, or perhaps the opposite of that a job that provides constant changing circumstances and scenery.

Essentially bias is another word, or a softer word for prejudice. If you know me, this is a word or type of thinking I don’t tolerate. As a matter of fact, I have called people out on this in my own family. When I do this, I ask them to explain why they think the way they do. Most of the time I vehemently disagree with their thinking, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt to consider re-thinking the way they think. I’m not saying my thinking is always right. However, when someone is overtly voicing or acting upon a bias I’m not going to be quiet about it.

Yes, I realize you cannot change people. They have to want to change themselves. However, I have found that 100% of the people who have a bias are not able to credibly explain why they think the way the do to justify their biased thinking. This is sad, and I understand they have been negatively influenced by their environment and the people they have been around or are associating with.

I view being biased as a human flaw. One which is supported often by closed minded thinkers. Yes, I’m giving closed minded people credit by suggesting they are actually thinking about why they are biased in the first place.

We can all agree that at the beginning and end of the day we are all the same. Humans. No one is better than someone else, and everyone has something good to offer others. Although, sometimes you have to look a bit harder to determine what it is, I guarantee it exists.

So, is it possible to remove biases in our day to day lives either professionally or personally? Absolutely. You just have to commit to doing so. One of the ways to do this is to commit to noticing biases you might have in every moment of your day. Think about why you might have this bias. Then think about whether you can reduce or ideally eliminate it.

Imagine how much better our world would be if we were all able to see one another as equals? I’m not sure if in my lifetime this will be achieved. However, I can do my small part which is to put a spotlight on this topic. When we think, and talk about concepts, it allows us to consider the reason why we act or say the things we do.

Here are some suggestions I have for you to begin reducing or attempting to eliminate biases in your life. I know this is a huge challenge, but I am compelled to make this a better world for all of us to live in. So, this is my version of heading us in this direction.

  • Commit to really getting to know new people. Find out what motivates them. Learn what makes them happy, or what makes them disappointed. Ask enough questions to determine whether they are “Pro” people, or closed minded and unwilling to give most people a chance to get to know them, or vice versa.
  • Try not to immediately judge both people and situations. Attempt to be open minded right from the start. This applies to both what you hear and see.
  • Listen to what others are saying. Really listen to them. Ask them questions to explain when you are hearing a bias of any kind. See whether by asking them additional questions you can potentially move them to at least a neutral place in their thinking, or verbalization on the topic you are discussing.
  • Model neutrality. Do this as you are working on becoming less or unbiased, and do not verbalize or act upon ones you have.
  • Do something kind instead of being biased towards a person, or put yourself into a situation you normally would not be involved with due to your own bias.
  • Lastly, an old piece of advice which is still applicable today, is to treat others how you would want to be treated. I have practiced this my entire life, and give credit to my parents for teaching me this. It really works, and has made an enormous difference in my life.

Although I have hope I will live to see the world become an unbiased place, I am realistic about this. As you know that change can only take place if we want it to, we can all do our part by at least acknowledging our own biases, and doing our best to understand why we have them, and ultimately to let them go. Being free from biases is an incredibly lofty aspiration. However, why wouldn’t we want to aspire to something that could literally and positively change the world we live in?

Kathleen E. R. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Performance Strategist and CEO of Market Me Too.  She is a Gallup Certified Strengths Finder Coachauthor of Wisdom Whispererand is a well-respected motivational and social influencer with a global following from her numerous speaking, print, radio and television media appearances.

Essentially every team is dysfunctional in some way. Our expertise is in uniting, motivating and bridging dysfunctional teams (sports & business), and turning them into epic ones.

Market Me Too also works with individuals from students to C-level executives. The individuals, business and sports teams we work with are coached on how to leverage and apply their peak performance talents on a daily basis. Our coaching produces repeatable, measurable and amazing results personally and professionally. Need proof? Just talk to our clients, or read through our testimonials.

If you want better and different results, let’s talk. We know how to help you get them. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com or (339) 987-0195.

“NEW!” Guide for Teams:

Every team is dysfunctional at some point.  Click on the link below to obtain a “free guide” with (5) Proven Strategies To Turn Your Dysfunctional Team Into An Epic One