Were you really listening? Things you don’t hear, but should.

By Kathleen E. Murphy

How many times have you caught yourself half listening to the person you are speaking to? We are all guilty of this, but should be working on becoming better listeners with every conversation we are engaged in. Have you ever considered how much information you might be missing when you are only semi listening? When you are actively listening and fully engaged in the conversation, you will be amazed at how much satisfaction you can gain from the conversation.

A friend of mine told me a heartwarming story last week about a conversation he had with one of his patients a few years ago. The woman was receiving physical therapy to relieve chronic pain she was experiencing, and she was in the final stage of her life. Despite the pain she was in, she was the type of person who was always thinking of others, especially her family. During one of her sessions with my friend, she conversationally revealed a wish she had for her son to be fulfilled. Her son had been a hockey player all his life, and when he went through a divorce, his ex-wife got rid of all of his hockey equipment. He was a goalie, so the hockey equipment was very expensive. Playing hockey brought joy to his life, but when his equipment had been given away, he stopped playing the game and became very sad.

The woman passed away, but my friend remembered her story because he was actively engaged and listening to her. Within a year of her death, my friend who is also a hockey player, remembered his clients dying wish of having her son getting back into playing hockey again. My friend never forgot this conversation and thought about how he could do something about what he had heard. He ended up obtaining some used goalie hockey equipment and put it into a bag. He then found out where the son of the woman lived, and one day he showed up on his front doorstep with a bag full of goalie hockey equipment. The son could not believe a total stranger had done this for him, and was overwhelmed with emotion. My friend and this total stranger became very close friends. This friendship developed out of my friend’s ability to truly listen, and to go beyond listening and compassionately and actively do something with the information he heard. Since the day the man received the goalie equipment, he has been playing and enjoying his love of hockey once again.

What if there were more people like my friend who really listened and followed through with what they heard? We all have the capacity to do this, and do this well. In the business world and numerous other industries, it is imperative to our success we become skilled listeners. Although it may seem like an easy thing to do, listening and doing it well takes practice and dedication. We live in a world of constant distraction, and endless interruptions, so having focused conversations can be challenging. However, being focused during your conversation is imperative, and when you are, the end results can be as rewarding as the story about my friend and the stranger he gave the goalie hockey equipment to.

One trick I utilize when I am listening to people is to take notes. It is not always possible to do this, but when I can do it, being able to refer back to my notes from the conversation is remarkable, as it allows me to think through what was being said from a different dimension, and most times to come up with a better outcome or result from the conversation. Most business or conversations in general are a way to convey information, and often a way to figure out a solution to either a problem or a challenge the person is having. All of us have the ability to solve challenges, and we can solve them much better if we are actively engaged in the conversation. So, the next time you are in a conversation, take a moment to consider whether you are fully listening. If you are not, refocus your attention and know that when you do this, each party in the conversation will significantly benefit from the engagement.

This article is dedicated to Doug Kennedy.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.





How to talk to anyone, anytime.


Have you ever wondered why it seems effortless for some people to be able to talk to almost anyone, anytime or anywhere? With technological gadgets seemingly taking over our lives each day, the art of face to face conversation is something fewer people, especially the millennial generation are becoming skilled at, or practicing on a regular basis. However, what if you or they knew about a simple technique which would allow you to easily have a conversation with anyone you desired? Would you want to know how to do this? Would it help you personally or professionally? I going out on a limb and admitting this is a rhetorical question.

About twenty-five years ago while we were having lunch at work, a good friend of mine asked me what I perceived to be a very simple yet deep question. She asked me how I could so easily have conversations with everyone I encountered. Upon hearing this question, I realized perhaps this was not something everyone could easily do, and I took it for granted the ability to converse with others came so easily to me. I then thought about what had I done differently in my life to make conversing with others happen so naturally and with ease? This answer might surprise you, and it is a two-part response.

The first part of answering this question about why I find it easy to talk to anyone is because I have always found it easy to talk to other people due to the fact I am genuinely interested and curious to learn more about them. The only way I know how to learn more about other people is to ask them questions, and not be afraid to do so. Typically, I will ask an open-ended type of question which does not permit a yes or no answer, and which allows me to naturally ask follow on type of questions. When I began explaining to my friend who wanted to know how to more easily speak to anyone about anything at any time, I told her what now looking back is one of the greatest and easiest things to teach someone. I explained to her all you need to do is to have a few simple questions you can ask someone which will get them talking.

Examples of the types of questions I shared with my friend were to have her start out with asking someone if they had any travel plans, or had recently been to someplace they would recommend to others. This could be either related to a trip, or an experience they had doing something different than their normal daily routine, and which they would be very willing to share information about (e.g., they went white water rafting). What you might not realize is that people love talking about themselves, even if they are shy. By asking them an open-ended type of question, you allow them to feel comfortable with talking to someone, and this then allows the person they are conversing with to ask additional questions. The result of this conversational exchange is it can often lead to a fascinating conversation you would not otherwise have had.

Upon having had thousands of conversations with people in my lifetime, what I am most surprised by, and I think you will be too, is how once you get someone talking, you will be amazed at how infrequently they will reciprocate and ask you questions back. People who are skilled at conversing will ask you questions back, and more than a few of them. However, many people will not, and this is a shame because the more you converse with others, the skilled you become as a conversationalist. This enhanced skill can ultimately lead to a lifetime of opportunities you would not otherwise have it you did not begin your conversation in the first place. By conversing with others, you are planting the seeds of developing a relationship with the individual, and allowing them to more easily converse with you again. By asking people questions, they will also be more inclined to like you as a person, and let’s face it, I always tell people you can never have too many friends.

If you have not had a conversation with a stranger or someone you only slightly know, give this conversational technique a try. You will be amazed at the possibilities of where the conversation can or will take you, and if nothing else, you will have practiced the art of conversation which everyone should be working on mastering, just like learning how to read body language is an important life and business skill.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.




Finding Your Purpose


How often do you ask yourself, why am I doing this? This could be a reference to your work, leisure activities, relationship or fill in the blank as this question can be applied to so many areas. For the sake of narrowing the scope of this question, I will direct it towards your work, as we all spend countless hours devoted to our occupations. Unless you won the lottery, have a trust fund or have figured out a way to having a streaming income with little effort applied, you will likely will be working most of your life. Given this reality, and thinking about my last blog article on The Gift of Time  what if you woke up each morning and had a job or career which gave you a sense of purpose?

One of my favorite books is Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, and now my second favorite book is Destination Unstoppable by Maureen Electa Monte. The reason I like Destination Unstoppable is because it helped me to focus and crystalize a professional purpose I have been driving towards, and which is to make other people see and capitalize on their strengths. When you are able to focus, and capitalize on your strengths, everything starts to align both professionally and personally, and you can see more clearly what your purpose is.

Working with sales and marketing teams my entire career, I did not realize one of my strengths was something which allowed me to see in others strengths they may not have either seen, or been fully aware of themselves. The particular strength I am referring to is what Strengths Finder refers to as “Individualization”. In essence this means I see each person as a “snowflake” and all the special and significant characteristics which make them so unique. Having this strength is something I readily share with others, and has allowed me to help them see the potential they have, and which they may not have realized or yet achieved. When individuals understand their potential, and can focus on it, magical things begin to happen. They also have a renewed sense of joy and purpose doing what they are spending their career time on.

Referring back to the book Destination Unstoppable, this is a true and amazing story. The book chronicles how a mid-western prep school hockey team came together as an unbeatable team in a short period of time, doing so towards the end of their season, and which focused them on how to win their state championship. There were a number of factors which contributed towards the team coming together and winning the state championship. Ultimately the fact each team member was focused on having their own strengths contribute to the team each day on and off the ice, was what made the difference in their performance.  Imagine if you could be focused on applying your unique strengths to your career each day?

Let’s assume you are not in a career which is firing up your passion and fueling your purpose of how you are spending your time each day. Have you considered either finding another role within the company or researching companies who are selling products or services which would be in stronger alignment with your career passion? I know this advice is commonly given to people either early in their career, or considered when you have been in an unsatisfying career choice for a period of time. Regardless of what you may be thinking, please keep in mind you are never what I will call “stuck”. If you are spending your valuable time working in a job or career which is not fueling your desire to be purposeful, I encourage you to consider changing this situation. Yes, you have the power to do this. Ask others for help if you do not know where to start, but please get started on finding your career purpose. It’s out there for you to discover. Now go find it.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too  has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.

The gift of time. Are you using it well?

By Kathleen E. Murphy

There is a time in our life when we feel we have infinitely more time than we might, particularly when we are younger than 18. I picked this age because in the US, this is when you legally become an adult. We all know that no one really knows how much time each of us has to be on this planet. So, what would you do differently if you knew how much time you had to be alive? Would you make a “bucket list” of the things you want to do, or could possibly do, or would you not act any differently? Maybe you have not given this concept much thought?

What if you could do exactly what you wanted to do with your time without any consequences? Or, what if you could do only the things which truly made you happy? I began thinking about time and how each of us looks at it from a different perspective, and how it is governed by each of our own life circumstances. Sometimes the choices in life we make have an impact either positively or negatively on our life, and other times situations occur which are out of our control and which bring our time to an end suddenly.

Attending a funeral this morning and listening to the story of the beloved person who passed away, her life was described by her daughter in the most captivating way. I was thoroughly absorbed by her storytelling ability, but what struck me the most, was her Mom’s absolute joyful perspective on the life she had had lived. Not all of her days were a perfect “10”, but this woman clearly knew how to have a joyful life as described in great detail by her daughter. Essentially everyone she met, she adopted into her life. She did this with the sole purpose of making them feel like they were a gift and special to her. Each day this woman literally made it her mission to make everyone she engaged with have a better day.

I wish I could tell you I knew and met my friends Mom. I did not have the fortune of doing so, and  I actually only saw her within the last ten minutes of her life. When I saw her, she was in a hospice situation surrounded by her family who was gathered at the kitchen table for dinner. She was peacefully resting in her bed behind the kitchen table, joining them in her own way. This family was clearly making the best use of the time they had with her, and showered her with their presence and love.

When you think about time and how you utilize it, do you think of it in terms of it being a gift? Today I was reminded I need to think of time as a gift, and to not assume I have an infinite amount of it. Instead I need to focus on making sure I am capitalizing on each day to the fullest.

As I referenced in my article about Success, everyone will have a different definition of what success means. Time is similar in terms of how people approach thinking about this concept. As we get older, the saying “time flies by” takes on a new meaning. When I was younger, there were days when time felt like it stood still. I am not exactly sure when I realized time was moving at a faster rate, but it was likely when I was in my mid to late twenties when I felt the pressure to make various life choices (e.g., career, marriage, children). Looking back on my choices and the timing of them, I am glad I made the choices I did. My timing choices and the decisions I made are the building blocks which have made me into the person I am today.

I am still sad my friend’s Mom passing away was a catalyst for making me seriously think about time as a gift, but I gained a new perspective on the reality of it being so today. If you take one thing away from this article, I hope it will be to reflect upon how you view the concept of time, and I hope you have an abundance of it to enjoy.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.



Why Everyone Needs a Coach or Mentor.


By Kathleen E. Murphy

In honor of Mother’s Day, I chose to write an article about a person the majority of people would consider to be their first coach, their Mom. Yes, perhaps it was your Dad or someone who played the role of “Mom” in the formative years of your life. Whomever your first coach or mentor was, today would be a perfect day to thank them for what they did for you as you were developing as a young person.

The ironic thing about having a coach or mentor, is we typically have one early in our lives, but often do not continue to have a person in our lives who plays this role as we progress into the future. Why don’t we, or are you one of the fortunate people who do? For me personally, I always wanted to have an “official” business coach or mentor, but did not have one. So, I took it upon myself to become one. I first did this informally, and then more formally by joining various organizations (e.g., a shout out to the Babson College MBA program for accepting me as a mentor for 3 of their women MBA’s, as well as to the Women Unlimited Program who formally mentors executive business women, and whom I am a mentor for). Both of these mentoring programs are amazing programs who support the values associated with coaching and mentorship, specifically in the business world. However, the concepts of coaching and mentoring can also be applied outside of the business world.

Having mentored well over 100 people in my career; and many of them who would still consider themselves to be a mentee of mine twenty years later, I am a staunch supporter of the benefits associated with having a mentor or coach. I have personally seen how coaching and mentoring has directly and positively impacted both their business as well as their personal lives. Some of the benefits a coach or mentor can provide you are: they challenge you, they listen well, they can guide you to where you want to go, have the experience required to help you, they offer emotional support when its required, provide feedback which is constructive and make themselves available to you when you need them the most.

Recently I attended a Gallup seminar which cited a new report they released which has documented what Millennials want in the workplace. The number one thing they noted they expect or desire to have in the workplace is a coach or mentor. Based on fact in a few short years we will have more millennials in the workforce than we have any other generation category, I was intrigued by this top request, as it is a very reasonable one. However, the challenge organizations will face is the fact there will not be enough people who are either trained, or desire to be a mentor or coach. How will the shortage of coach/mentor’s be addressed? My insight into this challenge will be for millennials to initially seek outside through their respective organizations to help them find the resources to support this need (e.g., colleges, religious associations, community groups). I am not associated with this organization, but I found a “free” mentoring organization on-line called Find A Mentor.

You can also join this organization if you want to be a mentor. Their concept is based on paying it forward and helping others. We all know it is highly rewarding to help others, and if you need a coach or mentor, this seems to be a good place to start if you do not have other resources to tap into.

Thank you to all the Mother’s out there, and to those people who have moved on to play the instrumental role of being a coach or mentor in people’s lives. Continue doing what you do, as you are all making a tremendous difference in other people’s lives.

This blog is dedicated to both Terry Kuprevich who passed away last night, and is the Mom of my dear friend Misty Grennell, and also my Mom, Emily R. Murphy. Thank you for being my first mentor and coach. You were and still are an amazing one to this day. Happy Mother’s Day.

Kathleen E. Murphy is the Founder, Chief Strategist and CMO of Market Me TooMarket Me Too has expertise in bridging marketing and sales teams and providing organizations techniques to accelerate their market growth, regardless of the industry they are in, or the business stage they are presently at. Contact Kathleen at kathymurphy@me.com.